Question about parenting and video games

Arterius · June 2019

When I was kid my Aunt Rebecca had SNES that I used to play every weekend when me and my siblings would go visit. My first video game memories are of super mario brothers 3 and my uncle showing off by showing us all the secrets. As I got older I actually moved away from video games as I begun to get into relationships, do drugs, and fuck up my life. It wasn't until I was 21 that I looked at myself in a mirror and changed myself for the better. I got back into video games at the age of 24 after a 10 year break. I love it. I met my wife in 2016 when I was 25. Kristi who has CP. She can use her body from the waist down and her hands don't work %100. She has tried playing video games with me but it is very hard for her to do so since most video games now a days take a lot of fine motor skills.

That is when I bought a Switch. My wife loved it. For the Switch has a lot of games that don't take a lot of fine motor skills. She can easily play Stardew valley, Mario, DK, and she is excited for Legend of The Zelda, Dragon Quest 11, and Fire Emblem later this year. For these games, more or less, let her play at her own pace. She can take her time without have to worry about a million things happening at once or without using two analog sticks.

We had a daughter, Nova, on 6/20/2018 and she is days away from turning 1. She loves watching me play video games. She may not watch a movie but she will sit on my laptop and watch me play Mario forever. She claps when we get to the flag and the music plays and gets upset when we die and we end up on the overworld. Though I think that is more because the music stops for a time. As the months go on I can't help but get excited as the day draws near that I can play video games with my daughter.

So after all this here is my question. What age did you guys allow your kids to play video games? How young is to young? At what age am I just a bad parent for letting her play Mario on her own? I know she won't be able to do it when she turns 1 but I am curious what the answer is.

Video games bring me such joy in life. Its a destresster and at times can be a vehicle for some of the best stories ever told. I want her to experience that joy as well.

Thank you for the time.

mklinic · June 2019

I've got three of my own and I'm going to give you the absolute answer: There is no absolute answer. It's a play-it-by-ear sort of thing (in my opinion). If she is capable, I don't think anyone would call you a bad parent for letting her play Mario on her own. It's if you have her playing games by herself (video games as a babysitter) that might raise an eyebrow. But even that's going to come down to what you know of your kid and what your circumstances at that time are...

Honestly, it sounds like video games are a positive part of your relationship with her, so it'll be something you can do together for years to come. Eventually, you'll become the one watching her play and clapping when she gets the "flag" in whatever games she comes to enjoy.

Amathe · June 2019

My opinion:

What age did you guys allow your kids to play video games?

When they wanted to play them, subject to disallowing violent games when they were still little and ones with player to player interaction that could be problematic.

How young is to young?

I think that depends on game content. Mario Cart is really age appropriate to any age. Doom, not so much. And I would not want my kids chatting with other players who may be pervs. They need to be at an age to know to get away from those people.

At what age am I just a bad parent for letting her play Mario on her own?

I don't think Mario Cart is ever off the table.

Arterius · June 2019

Amathe said:

My opinion:

What age did you guys allow your kids to play video games?

When they wanted to play them, subject to disallowing violent games when they were still little and ones with player to player interaction that could be problematic.

How young is to young?

I think that depends on game content. Mario Cart is really age appropriate to any age. Doom, not so much. And I would not want my kids chatting with other players who may be pervs. They need to be at an age to know to get away from those people.

At what age am I just a bad parent for letting her play Mario on her own?

I don't think Mario Cart is ever off the table.

I think my wife would kill me if I let her play Doom haha

TheDarkrayne · June 2019

I think it's best to encourage co-op gaming with children, including physical games. As mklinic said, when they are sat in a corner playing by themselves and oblivious to what's going on around them, that's potentially a problem.

Once the social skills are built in, it doesn't matter if they then take some alone time when they are a bit older because it's become a choice instead of a lifestyle. You'll find that kids will prefer playing with others anyway as long as they know it's a familiar option.

kitarad · June 2019

My son was playing Dark Age of Camelot when he was 6. His English spelling and typing was quite good it was only later that his language skills slipped to @delete5230 's

level and I blame it on the games he played. Now he can hardly even talk without a microphone.

I did monitor his game time it was 90 minutes max during the weekend. Monitor them and make sure you watch who's talking to them.

Sovrath · June 2019

While I don't want to be a parent, if it was me I'd allow any child of mine to play "some" video games as they can manage with the idea that there is a limit on the time.

I played Pong in the early/mid 70's. but my mother only let us have "so much screen time." Thereafter we had chores to do and we had to do other things.

Those other things were practicing (I started at 6) playing outside, reading, etc.

I have a friend of mine whose niece was raised on Video games, no real limits and it has caused issues.

But that goes with any sort of "screen time" activity including TV/Movies.

Cryomatrix · June 2019

My son turns 4 in a month. My wife hates video games and prays our child doesn't grow up liking video games as much as I do. She forgets the fact that I work like a dog at 60-80 hours a week, am very ambitious otherwise, and provide her with an amazing life while she puts the kid in daycare and watches Netflix during the day. She probably watches TV as much as I play video games . . . and then she blasts me for wasting my time . . . . . (yes, i have marital issues).

***Yes, i'm a pushover***

We do limit his screen time and I wouldn't allow him to play video games by himself. I would only allow him to play video games with me. So when he gets old enough and I can do a video game with him that we both like, is when we will play together. My goal is to have him play video games only with me as a sort of bonding experience. Sort of like, when we built the batmobile lego set together.

I wouldn't let him talk to people for sure, every time a 10-13 year old gets online and i'm talking to them about strategy, i feel bad about myself.

Like the other day some 13 yo in SC 2 who is way better than me was helping me out and i'm like, god, i'm a 38 yo healthcare professional being taught something by a 13 yo lol. But whatever.

I'd prefer my kid play more puzzle and creative games than straightforward games. At least have him learn some skills you know.

Arterius · June 2019

Cryomatrix said:

My son turns 4 in a month. My wife hates video games and prays our child doesn't grow up liking video games as much as I do. She forgets the fact that I work like a dog at 60-80 hours a week, am very ambitious otherwise, and provide her with an amazing life while she puts the kid in daycare and watches Netflix during the day. She probably watches TV as much as I play video games . . . and then she blasts me for wasting my time . . . . . (yes, i have marital issues).

***Yes, i'm a pushover***

We do limit his screen time and I wouldn't allow him to play video games by himself. I would only allow him to play video games with me. So when he gets old enough and I can do a video game with him that we both like, is when we will play together. My goal is to have him play video games only with me as a sort of bonding experience. Sort of like, when we built the batmobile lego set together.

I wouldn't let him talk to people for sure, every time a 10-13 year old gets online and i'm talking to them about strategy, i feel bad about myself.

Like the other day some 13 yo in SC 2 who is way better than me was helping me out and i'm like, god, i'm a 38 yo healthcare professional being taught something by a 13 yo lol. But whatever.

I'd prefer my kid play more puzzle and creative games than straightforward games. At least have him learn some skills you know.

Thankfully my wife does enjoy either playing or watching me play video games. Def if its a game I suck at. She gets pleasure out of watching me die. We have talked about screen time and video games and we are not sure yet how much screen time we want her to have. We do know that when she gets older we want her to spend at least three hours outside before she is allowed any kind of video game or tv time. I have been wrestling with the idea that when she is done playing she can choose what she wants to do with here last few hours. She can either go back outside, watch TV, or play Video games.

Sovrath · June 2019

Arterius said:

Cryomatrix said:

My son turns 4 in a month. My wife hates video games and prays our child doesn't grow up liking video games as much as I do. She forgets the fact that I work like a dog at 60-80 hours a week, am very ambitious otherwise, and provide her with an amazing life while she puts the kid in daycare and watches Netflix during the day. She probably watches TV as much as I play video games . . . and then she blasts me for wasting my time . . . . . (yes, i have marital issues).

***Yes, i'm a pushover***

We do limit his screen time and I wouldn't allow him to play video games by himself. I would only allow him to play video games with me. So when he gets old enough and I can do a video game with him that we both like, is when we will play together. My goal is to have him play video games only with me as a sort of bonding experience. Sort of like, when we built the batmobile lego set together.

I wouldn't let him talk to people for sure, every time a 10-13 year old gets online and i'm talking to them about strategy, i feel bad about myself.

Like the other day some 13 yo in SC 2 who is way better than me was helping me out and i'm like, god, i'm a 38 yo healthcare professional being taught something by a 13 yo lol. But whatever.

I'd prefer my kid play more puzzle and creative games than straightforward games. At least have him learn some skills you know.

Thankfully my wife does enjoy either playing or watching me play video games. Def if its a game I suck at. She gets pleasure out of watching me die. We have talked about screen time and video games and we are not sure yet how much screen time we want her to have. We do know that when she gets older we want her to spend at least three hours outside before she is allowed any kind of video game or tv time. I have been wrestling with the idea that when she is done playing she can choose what she wants to do with here last few hours. She can either go back outside, watch TV, or play Video games.

That's how my mother did it.

Once we were done with chores (always the friggin' chores) and practicing, we could read or go outside or do anything OTHER than sitting in front of a screen.

My girlfriend's parents allowed her limited screen time per week with the exception of some sort of "holiday special" or some sort of thing.

And quite frankly that's how I would do it to. I think I would allow an hour per day of screen time at a young age, maybe add an additional 30 minutes, and then do something else.

But you know how you really impress upon them that doing something else is good? Do it with them.

They get their video game time and then you say "ok woogums, we are now going for a walk in the woods." "Ok Woogums, now we are going to the park." "Ok Woogums, this is family boardgame time."

etc.

One thing my mother used to do with me at 4 was to play a game with me and have me spell things or count or do simple arithmetic before going to bed. I was young so little did I know I was learning!

Amathe · June 2019

My mom never had to tell me to stop or limit my video game play. That is because the games of that era weren't engaging enough where that would be necessary. You can only play so much Pong.

There were better games in the arcade. But those cost money. So it wasn't my mom shutting me down. It was a lack of more quarters.

Gdemami · June 2019

...best parenting is when your kids just have no desire to sit infront of the screen.

lahnmir · June 2019

Gdemami said:

...best parenting is when your kids just have no desire to sit infront of the screen.

Do you have kids? Just curious.

/Cheers,
Lahnmir

Iselin · June 2019

I have a son and daughter, both grown now. My son also loved video games from an early age and he used to watch me playing games much like your daughter does now. He grew up, got a masters degree in computer science and has been a full time computer games developer for more than 10 years now.

My daughter OTOH has never had any interest in computer games although she enjoys board games. She doesn't even like to read ebooks - she reads a lot but it's all analog with her. She's finishing her degree in Social Work and is heavily involved in politics. My son can't give less of a crap about politics.

He's also very deliberate and gives just about anything he does a lot of thought before he does it. My daughter tends to be more spontaneous and is a bit of daredevil.

Kids are different and like different things. Upbringing is only a part of the story and IMO, not even the bigger part. They all seem to come pre-wired to lean one way or the other in almost everything.

Watching them grow and become their own individual person is fascinating.

Phaserlight · June 2019

My son was getting fairly good utility out of Fez at age 2, Vendetta Online at age 3.

One of the very first video games I remember playing in depth was Crystal Quest, around age 6.

ConstantineMerus · June 2019

lahnmir said:

Gdemami said:

...best parenting is when your kids just have no desire to sit infront of the screen.

Do you have kids? Just curious.

/Cheers,
Lahnmir

Yes. Luke and Leia.

AlBQuirky · June 2019

As others have said, it really is a situational thing. My son will be 32 next month. I still don't let him play video games!

The big difference between "babysitter" and "good parenting" is: Playing Alone or Together. Almost anything you do with your children is good parenting, except breaking laws and such

Also remember, there are video games of all kinds. Some are made specifically for teaching children.

Going online is another matter. That is another "play it by ear" thing. Unlike many people who think they know what's best for your child(ren), only you can gauge them best

Unfortunately, children don't come with a nice, neat manual. All parents have to muddle through as best as they can

Amathe · June 2019

AlBQuirky said:

Unfortunately, children don't come with a nice, neat manual.

Closest thing is the complete collection of Calvin & Hobbes.

AlBQuirky · June 2019

Amathe said:

AlBQuirky said:

Unfortunately, children don't come with a nice, neat manual.

Closest thing is the complete collection of Calvin & Hobbes.

I HAVE that!

LackingMMO · June 2019

I remember talking with a teacher and video games came up in the discussion. She told me use them as a tool to teach, theres A LOT of reading in some games and that can be a tool, puzzles are a tool, math for certain things can all be used to teach your kids. We used it to help my son with his reading(it wasn't that he couldn't, it was a confidence issue) but it helped.

Like others have said though, content/age appropriate, lego games were good, Minecraft, roblox was good for my son but still have to watch which games are played. We also teach my son that if someone is trying to talk to him to let us know(if we aren't with him already).

I still feel there is a huge avenue of untouched potential with games and learning.

KyutaSyuko · June 2019

I don't have any children of my own, but I can't remember a time in my life where I wasn't playing video games. I like to joke that I was born with a controller in my hands.

OGDeathRow · June 2019

Never to early to have fun! My girls are growing up and are starting to develop there "own" images of themselves. Sadly as that time passes there is less stuff that we share. Boys, fashion, My Hero Acadamia (too name a few) little princess they are, however.........when theres a game that looks good, were in that virtual world together.

Hello Kitty was a favorite of my youngest daughter, I didnt enjoy the game, but I enjoyed the time we spent together discussing/playing the game.

Some of her fondest memories are from gaming. She always talks about "Remember the time....." Like ganking allies in timeless isle hehe. Like someone said, unless it illegal, tear the freakin walls down to find things to share with your children, skys the limit!

Arterius · June 2019

Thanks for the replies you guys I truly enjoyed reading every last one. The good thing about owning a Switch is a lot of the games I buy are family friendly. The more adult games I buy for the PS4 and I play that for a few hours before I go to bed every night. So even now she doesn't watch me play Borderlands, Mortal Kombat, etc...

I would let her game on the Switch though. I am really looking forward to playing Animal Crossing with her in March

Hatefull · June 2019

Gdemami said:

...best parenting is when your kids just have no desire to sit infront of the screen.

I disagree with "best Parenting comment" however, my Daughter is 11 and seldom plays games. I play when I have nothing better to do but she would much rather go hiking, surfing, or help me with whatever I am doing.

My personal opinion is if you are doing it together then it is a good thing. Sports, online games, RL games, whatever, we work together and play together and I think that is more important than anything.

Torval · June 2019

AlBQuirky said:

Amathe said:

AlBQuirky said:

Unfortunately, children don't come with a nice, neat manual.

Closest thing is the complete collection of Calvin & Hobbes.

I HAVE that!

A few FarSide manuals in there too.

lahnmir · June 2019

AlBQuirky said:

Amathe said:

AlBQuirky said:

Unfortunately, children don't come with a nice, neat manual.

Closest thing is the complete collection of Calvin & Hobbes.

I HAVE that!

Me too! The box to be precise. Beautiful stuff! The last one, with Calvin just seeing a stuffed animal because he was getting older actually brought tears to my eyes the first time I read it.

/Cheers,
Lahnmir

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