My wife is at peace now and I am alone.

We were gamer's from the first week we met in 1997, she was 21, I was 26 completely into science fiction and fantasy, on our first Date we spent 4 hours discussing the merits of Ds9 vs Babylon 5, I built my first PC in 98

We played many single player games our earliest favourite being Daggerfall, became seriously addicted to that, we only had one PC back then and would take time napping while the other person played.

Soon we got into the online scene (while it was still pay per minute in the UK) muds like Afterlife (long since gone) our first graphical mmo was Meridian 59, server 102, I was Cal'ranthe and she was Adamantium or Mithril.

We moved on to Everquest (I remember the train journey out to a store over 90 miles away to get the last copy in stock our local shops were all sold out) we mainly dual teamed, She played a shaman and I was a Mage, my main character being Siliara and hers once again Adamantium, I can not remember the server.

Many other MMO followed Anarchy online, we were there for the launch debacle, Matrix online, City of villains/heroes, Second life our last MMO together was EVE Online.

For most of our online life we didn't engage in big guilds we were just a couple exploring worlds together...

It wasn't that we were antisocial, we kept it to ourselves but a year after we met and had moved in together she became ill, she was diagnosed with an incurable cancer just before her 22nd birthday, it was going to kill her and nothing could be done to stop it, but we could slow it down, medication was available to keep it at bay.

Unfortunately the medication caused so many side effects, so much pain and suffering that getting involved with groups would mean explaining why the group healer had to leave suddenly without warning.

Within 6 months of the initial treatment she was disabled and stuck in the house, games and MMORPG's became our window onto the world, we could no longer take the dogs for even a small walk together but we could travel kithicor forest and on to high pass hold, that first time walking the ramp down to the plains.

Back when you had to wait for the boat to complete its journey, many friends made and fishing done on the Docks.

It was a sad day when Paola became so ill we could no longer travel the online worlds together.

She never stopped smiling or gaming, her last moments were spent listening to music and playing Minecraft on her phone.

As for me I feel like my entire reason for existing is gone, we did everything together after 20 years as her love and primary carer but the universe seems to have a really bad sense of humour, 7 days after she died I was diagnosed with Bowel cancer and on the 3rd of January I go into hospital.

Anyone who has faced this kind of loss knows its a physical pain beyond anything anyone can put into words or explain and now I am going to be facing another quest without my healer at my side and even if I beat the boss mob and get the quest reward I come home to an empty house.

I always said I was happy to live one day more than she needed me.

Here is a picture and what happened.

https://imgur.com/gallery/JSggx0v


Maybe this is just the way it was meant to be, I never got ill while she was alive, for 20 years I did everything for her and now my body is failing.

I'm not giving up do not worry about that and if I do beat this I plan on doing all those things that she can not but would it be so bad to run out of potions and respawn wherever she is now.

If you have loved ones please make sure they know you love them and always do what makes you happy, me and Paola were just a normal couple planning our lives when all this happened.