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Anyone ever gotten divorced?

KoboliKoboli Member UncommonPosts: 210
... Well, it seems like I'm about to.

I've been married a little over 8 years, and things are seemingly grinding towards their inevitable conclusion. Admittedly, our marriage never *that* great to begin with - even though we got along fine, we never synced up right intimately. Plus, she got married very young - right out of college, and has changed/evolved a lot as a person since then. Add to that our crippling finances (I have an MA, and am earning another one full time right now in a different field, but have been chronically under/unemployed for 3 years), and you've got a recipe for splitsville.

The worst part of it is we both still love each other... but resentment has been building on her end for two years, and I've been clinically depressed during most of that time, which has only made it worse (she's a very traditional southern girl who sees sadness in men as a character flaw or a weakness; I'm from an expressive New England family who wears its emotions on its sleeve). Despite all our troubles I am immensely sad - not quite suicidal, but definitely in a state where I'd welcome some large space rock plunging out of the sky to crush me.

I've been introverted my whole life, and outside my parents and my siblings, she's my only friend in the entire world. And while a logical part of me can indeed see this as a kind of light at the end of the tunnel - an opportunity to be my own person again; to get in shape; to perhaps, eventually, meet someone who aligns with me a bit better - I'm still standing in the middle of the howling darkness... and it is black indeed. Plus, that's also possibly the headlight from an oncoming train.

So, rambling aside, has anyone on here ever divorced anyone they were still kinda in love with? And how did you cope? And don't say liquor - my father's side has a history of alcohol abuse, so that would be a rotten plan.


  • scorpex-xscorpex-x Member RarePosts: 1,030
    edited July 2016
    Learn to hate them if it's going to happen, there is nothing in the world worse than getting divorced with someone you still have feelings for.  It will ruin your life, it will scupper any future relationships and then she will hook up with someone else (and trust me, she will) and you will be living in a dumpster.

    Hate will push you to work out, better yourself and increases your job prospects / finances.  You'll do stuff to better yourself just to show her, it will totally kill any thoughts in your mind about getting back together (which would ruin any future relationships).

    Divorce and hating your ex is the best way forward.  Just remember, it's all her fault and she is a money hungry bitch!
  • KoboliKoboli Member UncommonPosts: 210
    Well, she's not a bitch... she's just different from who she was when we met (or, maybe she is a bitch, but I just can't see her that way yet). I've changed, too, though not as dramatically (if anything, I'm much worse than I was in terms of neurosis, but my personality is basically the same).

    Honestly, I believe I'll find someone else - while I imagine I will get jealous when she hooks up with somebody new, I'm hopeful I won't have to hear about it, considering we'll be living on opposite sides of the country. 
  • renstarensta Member RarePosts: 728
    No don't make yourself hate her, it won't last....  You will end up waking up at 2am missing her doing something stupid. 
    If you really love her, accept that it didn't work out, that you are making her life worse, then if you want her to be happy, let her her go. 
    Most importantly, deal with that depression, go travel the far east a bit, go back to your parents, save up a 3-4 month salary and go travel India for a year.  You will learn a lot about yourself, life, meet many new people, perspective about life.  
    It's a bit scary, but really, it's worth it.  Don't take only my word for it, go research, ask more people that have traveled a few months in India.  


    Basically clicking away text windows ruins every MMO, try to have fun instead of rushing things. Without story and lore all there is left is a bunch of mechanics.
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