These very interactions are the exact reason I hesitate to bring my daughter into MMO gaming.
When my generation came up with computers yea there was a-holes but for the most part everyone was feeling things out on the net. There weren't as many idiots and frankly back then because you paid for the time online you had fun rather than spent it comparing "sizes".
Nowadays, even guilds have changed. People aren't like they used to be. For every good person, there's atleast 2 jerks.
My daughter plays consoles now and that's cool. I don't allow voicechat and I don't really want MP but that's the direction even those games are heading.
The fact that I have to protect her/shield her from this kind of abusive behavior is beyond ridiculous.
What's worse, it's only getting worse.
Sometimes a good guild leader will enforce/regulate the group but you can't really do that with Raids.
These very interactions are the exact reason I hesitate to bring my daughter into MMO gaming.
When my generation came up with computers yea there was a-holes but for the most part everyone was feeling things out on the net. There weren't as many idiots and frankly back then because you paid for the time online you had fun rather than spent it comparing "sizes".
Nowadays, even guilds have changed. People aren't like they used to be. For every good person, there's atleast 2 jerks.
My daughter plays consoles now and that's cool. I don't allow voicechat and I don't really want MP but that's the direction even those games are heading.
The fact that I have to protect her/shield her from this kind of abusive behavior is beyond ridiculous.
What's worse, it's only getting worse.
Sometimes a good guild leader will enforce/regulate the group but you can't really do that with Raids.
It's a shame the world is coming to this.
100% this, nice to see a Parent that has a filter for their kids. Most seem to think its ok to let kids see adult content now days like it does nothing to the person they will become. Good job.
Originally posted by Albatroes After skimming lightly over this thread, I'm starting to see less and less the point of this thread. A "woman" gamer is complaining about guys giving "her" attention after playing online games for 12 years. I imagine you (OP) have encountered this problem more than once over 12 years and this is obviously been around since online gaming has existed, probably even before. Real solution (if it honestly needed to be more obvious), explain it once (firmly) and if they cannot accept it then ignore them/leave/etc. Coming on to a forum to get ideas wont matter since they will continue to act however they want until you're firm about your stance on it. Conforming to people like that will only make them do it more towards you. Since you're in your late twenties honestly all these ideas/etc should be obviously, unless you've like not talked to any guy like ever. Starting to think this thread was just made for attention since its so simple to solve.
These very interactions are the exact reason I hesitate to bring my daughter into MMO gaming.
When my generation came up with computers yea there was a-holes but for the most part everyone was feeling things out on the net. There weren't as many idiots and frankly back then because you paid for the time online you had fun rather than spent it comparing "sizes".
Nowadays, even guilds have changed. People aren't like they used to be. For every good person, there's atleast 2 jerks.
My daughter plays consoles now and that's cool. I don't allow voicechat and I don't really want MP but that's the direction even those games are heading.
The fact that I have to protect her/shield her from this kind of abusive behavior is beyond ridiculous.
What's worse, it's only getting worse.
Sometimes a good guild leader will enforce/regulate the group but you can't really do that with Raids.
It's a shame the world is coming to this.
I really dont feel qualified to give parenting advice but it seems to me eventually every young person has to learn to deal with issues like this. The internet with its social interactions is not going away, if anything its getting more and more pervasive. Its not possible to keep a teen shielded away from it forever. They need to get a chance to develop a proper 'immune response' to various forms of on-line toxicity.
These very interactions are the exact reason I hesitate to bring my daughter into MMO gaming.
When my generation came up with computers yea there was a-holes but for the most part everyone was feeling things out on the net. There weren't as many idiots and frankly back then because you paid for the time online you had fun rather than spent it comparing "sizes".
Nowadays, even guilds have changed. People aren't like they used to be. For every good person, there's atleast 2 jerks.
My daughter plays consoles now and that's cool. I don't allow voicechat and I don't really want MP but that's the direction even those games are heading.
The fact that I have to protect her/shield her from this kind of abusive behavior is beyond ridiculous.
What's worse, it's only getting worse.
Sometimes a good guild leader will enforce/regulate the group but you can't really do that with Raids.
It's a shame the world is coming to this.
I really dont feel qualified to give parenting advice but it seems to me eventually every young person has to learn to deal with issues like this. The internet with its social interactions is not going away, if anything its getting more and more pervasive. Its not possible to keep a teen shielded away from it forever. They need to get a chance to develop a proper 'immune response' to various forms of on-line toxicity.
I trusted a person with my username and password.
You learn life lessons online. I'm certainly not censoring any gaming for my spouse, it's a tough world out there.
For some reason do the gaming community have a rather large bunch of immature guys, they seems normal until someone mentions women (or they actually talks to one).
It is actually pretty strange since the general gamer isn't a 40 year virgin living in his moms basement anymore (if they ever were) , and many of these guys are married and totally normal as long as they are offline.
The problem really is that I can't give you much of advice because the problem here isn't on your end, certain part of the community just needs to grow up and accept players for how good they play and how fun they are to be around instead on focusing on their IRL sex, religion, political affliction or race. Those things doesn't matter in a MMO.
I have the same problem and I am a male. I know from experience that women have it 10 time worse. I'm just unique as a male because I have zero tolerance for dickheads while most men seem to be able to act like boys in a locker room and accept the idiot talk. Because of this I usually have to change guilds a few times in order to find one I enjoy. I am not your usual male however ... 9 times out of 10 I prefer to talk to women over men as men annoy me. A lifetime at gyms as a competitive athlete has left me with a very low opinion of males in our western society. They are a bunch of generally socially uneducated fools.
My sports career has allowed to see many other athletes from all over the world and every single time I am given the change to play with or against men from Europe and middle east I am reminded of what culture actually is. I oddly have a history of dating European and eastern women so perhaps that is related but this is just a side note.
I can only suggest what helps me resolve this issue. I look to guilds that advertise adult only. I prefer those restricting access to 30+ or more. For women under 30 I'd suggest explaining your reasons for joining and I suspect there will be no issues. Either that or give up NA servers and head to EU. If you can handle the ping you will find EU gaming culture far more mature than NA. This is why when I play games hosted both in NA and EU I first go to EU servers for discussions where intelligence is an registered attribute.
I have been playing MMOs and other online games for years. Played with many female guildies. The issues you are experienced were never a problem. They were / are simply not tolerated.
In my current ESO guild we have several active female players. The first time someone was inappropriate with them would be the last because an instant kick from the guild would happen. We all talk, joke and have fun, but harassment just isnt tolerated.
My advice is to find a new group of folks to play with. There are many many female friendly adult guilds where this behavior is not only frowned upon but simply not tolerated in any fashion.
If you simply choose to keep playing with the same group then dont expect any changes. Dickheads online are pretty much going to continue to be dickheads unless there are repercussions.
Do not let it be known you are female. You can accomplish this quite effectively by simply refusing to voice. If you enjoy voicing then your choice is one of voicing or privacy, and which one you value more. It is the only fool proof solution. A second option would be to let it be know you are female, but be stern and upfront about your expectations. Blocking, avoiding, and/or otherwise ignoring offenders is usually quite effective. That said, IMHO the former is a lot easier to pull off. The latter will undoubtedly be riddled with drama in one form or another, with or without your input or approval. My sisters play games as well and they play with a lot of their female friends so I do know quite a few female gamers. Most of them chose not to share they are female gamers for the same reasons you mention. Not sharing their gender allows them to enjoy their games much more.
If your "friends" aren't standing up for you or telling others to cut it out, they're not your friends.
If you are not communicating with your friends that you're uncomfortable with how you are being treated, you're not being fair to them. Though, again, if the level of the language has sunk to the level of giving you STDs or impregnating you, then I would go back to the conclusion that your friends are not really friends.
Not every group is like this, but it takes good leadership to keep the inappropriate chatter at bay. Even good groups I've been with have shared 'adult humor' of a suggestive nature. It is rather apparent that your group lacks leadership if THAT is the level of discussion that is allowed on a regular basis.
You've basically found yourself in an abusive relationship with a group. You've basically chosen to continue the relationship. There are clearly people in the group that are light years away from maturing to the point where they are healthy individuals to share time with. These are people you need to effectively distance yourself from while in the group or you need to leave the group. It sounds like your method of dealing with them is not being perceived by them the same way you perceive it yourself, and thus the relationship is continuing in an unhealthy manner. Quite honestly, it does not seem like you can have a harmonious gaming time with people that you are describing. If you stay with this group, you'll continue to receive the abuse.
It's not an easy decision to make. I've had to make it a few times and the decision, in retrospect, was always some time after it SHOULD have been made. I think once you step away, you'll have an easier time looking back on your handling of things and see how you might make changes yourself so that you'll have better luck next time. I think you're playing with some real morons, but I think your handling of the situation pretty clearly is not helping.
What you describe happens on day 1 of playing MMOs with guys... if this is the first time you've experienced this then you are not really a girl or haven't been playing very much at all.
I call male poster here.
Also, A real Woman in her late 20's does not refer to herself as a "Girl". Last time I referred to myself as a Girl, I was like 14. lol
OP is new here too but has been playing Games so that leaves me with One conclusion...
Every female gamer i've ran into have the worst personalities ever. Not sure why so many gamers drool over them. They're not gonna buy a plane ticket to suck your D bros.
In our culture women have so many entitlement issues from being pursued constantly, multiply that by 100 for gamer girls.
Guys in their early 20's who've had no real life contact with the opposite sex do tend to act like toads at the pond when a female turns up, and then it turns into one big mating ball with the poor female at the center. You have to be blunt with these type of guys, but you shouldn't take advantage of them either by them trying to win favor with you. It reminds me of that story in PC gamer magazine that started one hell of a storm in a famous MMo! it was about a guy pretending to be a girl who lead another guy on to get all sorts of things out of him. By accepting anything from these guys your making their creeper antics worse.
Seeking help about one random anonymous group of people from ANOTHER random anonymous group of people...ya that is gonna end well.
If this is all true and OP is serious, ...answer is pretty obvious. Drop that group and go find a group that has some common decency.
I will not join any voice/guild group that does not have a strict PG rule set in place, in both voice and guild chat. Not because i am a prude or really offended about cursing...just to eliminate the possibility of this type behaviour from ever happening in the first place.
Common sense should not stop once you hit the computer's on button....but it most often seems to. So keep to places that have some rules. Problems solved 90% of the time.
It's an unfortunate reality. If it continues to be a problem you may want to consider reporting people and moving on. If it STILL persists...well I dunno what to tell you...there's an internet rule somewhere that says "there are no girls on the internet" so I just treat it as such, have been since I started playing online in 2000
the irony of this topic having a 13 page discussion.. flip the gender roles here and the story doesnt even exist. ignore ppl and use them for your own gain when you want something in game. its all virtual anyways.. as soon as you quit the game, you are replaced by someone else.
Comments
I think you just proved the OP's point by posting crap like that.
These very interactions are the exact reason I hesitate to bring my daughter into MMO gaming.
When my generation came up with computers yea there was a-holes but for the most part everyone was feeling things out on the net. There weren't as many idiots and frankly back then because you paid for the time online you had fun rather than spent it comparing "sizes".
Nowadays, even guilds have changed. People aren't like they used to be. For every good person, there's atleast 2 jerks.
My daughter plays consoles now and that's cool. I don't allow voicechat and I don't really want MP but that's the direction even those games are heading.
The fact that I have to protect her/shield her from this kind of abusive behavior is beyond ridiculous.
What's worse, it's only getting worse.
Sometimes a good guild leader will enforce/regulate the group but you can't really do that with Raids.
It's a shame the world is coming to this.
100% this, nice to see a Parent that has a filter for their kids. Most seem to think its ok to let kids see adult content now days like it does nothing to the person they will become. Good job.
^^^This here.
I really dont feel qualified to give parenting advice but it seems to me eventually every young person has to learn to deal with issues like this. The internet with its social interactions is not going away, if anything its getting more and more pervasive. Its not possible to keep a teen shielded away from it forever. They need to get a chance to develop a proper 'immune response' to various forms of on-line toxicity.
You should add them all to FB and twitter. You should provide phone number and address. All your problems will go away.
Trust me. I'm an anonymous internet user with much experience in cases like this.
Sway all day, butterfly flaps all the way!
I trusted a person with my username and password.
You learn life lessons online. I'm certainly not censoring any gaming for my spouse, it's a tough world out there.
Sway all day, butterfly flaps all the way!
Don't pretend that you dislike the attention. The ONLY reason people want to play with you is because you're a girl.
Guys like video games and girls. Get over it.
For some reason do the gaming community have a rather large bunch of immature guys, they seems normal until someone mentions women (or they actually talks to one).
It is actually pretty strange since the general gamer isn't a 40 year virgin living in his moms basement anymore (if they ever were) , and many of these guys are married and totally normal as long as they are offline.
The problem really is that I can't give you much of advice because the problem here isn't on your end, certain part of the community just needs to grow up and accept players for how good they play and how fun they are to be around instead on focusing on their IRL sex, religion, political affliction or race. Those things doesn't matter in a MMO.
Ladies and gentlemen I give you: the MMORPG.com Spotlight Poster.
"What is truly revealing is his implication that believing something to be true is the same as it being true. [continue]" -John Oliver
I have the same problem and I am a male. I know from experience that women have it 10 time worse. I'm just unique as a male because I have zero tolerance for dickheads while most men seem to be able to act like boys in a locker room and accept the idiot talk. Because of this I usually have to change guilds a few times in order to find one I enjoy. I am not your usual male however ... 9 times out of 10 I prefer to talk to women over men as men annoy me. A lifetime at gyms as a competitive athlete has left me with a very low opinion of males in our western society. They are a bunch of generally socially uneducated fools.
My sports career has allowed to see many other athletes from all over the world and every single time I am given the change to play with or against men from Europe and middle east I am reminded of what culture actually is. I oddly have a history of dating European and eastern women so perhaps that is related but this is just a side note.
I can only suggest what helps me resolve this issue. I look to guilds that advertise adult only. I prefer those restricting access to 30+ or more. For women under 30 I'd suggest explaining your reasons for joining and I suspect there will be no issues. Either that or give up NA servers and head to EU. If you can handle the ping you will find EU gaming culture far more mature than NA. This is why when I play games hosted both in NA and EU I first go to EU servers for discussions where intelligence is an registered attribute.
You stay sassy!
Seems like you are gaming with the wrong people.
I have been playing MMOs and other online games for years. Played with many female guildies. The issues you are experienced were never a problem. They were / are simply not tolerated.
In my current ESO guild we have several active female players. The first time someone was inappropriate with them would be the last because an instant kick from the guild would happen. We all talk, joke and have fun, but harassment just isnt tolerated.
My advice is to find a new group of folks to play with. There are many many female friendly adult guilds where this behavior is not only frowned upon but simply not tolerated in any fashion.
If you simply choose to keep playing with the same group then dont expect any changes. Dickheads online are pretty much going to continue to be dickheads unless there are repercussions.
Do not let it be known you are female. You can accomplish this quite effectively by simply refusing to voice. If you enjoy voicing then your choice is one of voicing or privacy, and which one you value more. It is the only fool proof solution. A second option would be to let it be know you are female, but be stern and upfront about your expectations. Blocking, avoiding, and/or otherwise ignoring offenders is usually quite effective. That said, IMHO the former is a lot easier to pull off. The latter will undoubtedly be riddled with drama in one form or another, with or without your input or approval. My sisters play games as well and they play with a lot of their female friends so I do know quite a few female gamers. Most of them chose not to share they are female gamers for the same reasons you mention. Not sharing their gender allows them to enjoy their games much more.
If your "friends" aren't standing up for you or telling others to cut it out, they're not your friends.
If you are not communicating with your friends that you're uncomfortable with how you are being treated, you're not being fair to them. Though, again, if the level of the language has sunk to the level of giving you STDs or impregnating you, then I would go back to the conclusion that your friends are not really friends.
Not every group is like this, but it takes good leadership to keep the inappropriate chatter at bay. Even good groups I've been with have shared 'adult humor' of a suggestive nature. It is rather apparent that your group lacks leadership if THAT is the level of discussion that is allowed on a regular basis.
You've basically found yourself in an abusive relationship with a group. You've basically chosen to continue the relationship. There are clearly people in the group that are light years away from maturing to the point where they are healthy individuals to share time with. These are people you need to effectively distance yourself from while in the group or you need to leave the group. It sounds like your method of dealing with them is not being perceived by them the same way you perceive it yourself, and thus the relationship is continuing in an unhealthy manner. Quite honestly, it does not seem like you can have a harmonious gaming time with people that you are describing. If you stay with this group, you'll continue to receive the abuse.
It's not an easy decision to make. I've had to make it a few times and the decision, in retrospect, was always some time after it SHOULD have been made. I think once you step away, you'll have an easier time looking back on your handling of things and see how you might make changes yourself so that you'll have better luck next time. I think you're playing with some real morons, but I think your handling of the situation pretty clearly is not helping.
LOL I have read it all now."My Fantasy is having two men at once...
One Cooking and One Cleaning!"
---------------------------
"A good man can make you feel sexy,
strong and able to take on the whole world...
oh sorry...that's wine...wine does that..."
Also, A real Woman in her late 20's does not refer to herself as a "Girl". Last time I referred to myself as a Girl, I was like 14. lol
OP is new here too but has been playing Games so that leaves me with One conclusion...
Sorry, just an observation.
"My Fantasy is having two men at once...
One Cooking and One Cleaning!"
---------------------------
"A good man can make you feel sexy,
strong and able to take on the whole world...
oh sorry...that's wine...wine does that..."
Every female gamer i've ran into have the worst personalities ever. Not sure why so many gamers drool over them. They're not gonna buy a plane ticket to suck your D bros.
In our culture women have so many entitlement issues from being pursued constantly, multiply that by 100 for gamer girls.
Seeking help about one random anonymous group of people from ANOTHER random anonymous group of people...ya that is gonna end well.
If this is all true and OP is serious, ...answer is pretty obvious. Drop that group and go find a group that has some common decency.
I will not join any voice/guild group that does not have a strict PG rule set in place, in both voice and guild chat. Not because i am a prude or really offended about cursing...just to eliminate the possibility of this type behaviour from ever happening in the first place.
Common sense should not stop once you hit the computer's on button....but it most often seems to. So keep to places that have some rules. Problems solved 90% of the time.
It's an unfortunate reality. If it continues to be a problem you may want to consider reporting people and moving on. If it STILL persists...well I dunno what to tell you...there's an internet rule somewhere that says "there are no girls on the internet" so I just treat it as such, have been since I started playing online in 2000