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The Perfect MMORPG
I’ve carefully surveyed the MMORPG player base and I believe I’ve manage to cobble together the basic design specifications for the perfect MMORPG. The best part about these specifications is that they’ll meet the gaming needs of the vast majority of the current player base.
Here is how you play:
1: Get a buddy, two sheets of paper, two pencils, and a pair of 6 sided dice.
2: Each player gets a piece of paper, a pencil, and a single die.
3: Each player should write the number 100 on the paper.
4: Take turns rolling the dice. If player ‘A’ rolls a 4 then subtract 4 points from the score card of player ‘B’. Do this back and forth until one player reaches a score of 0 or less.
5: The first player to run out of points loses.
6: The player who survives receives the title ‘God’.
I presented this design to a group of top level game designers at a recent gaming convention and I fielded several questions. I’m sure the readers of this forum will have similar questions so I’ll share the answers I gave at the convention here for your edification.
#1: What about playing dress up?
I understand that a vast majority of the player base is interested in playing dress up. A small investment in a Barbie doll can be used to fill this gap. The great part is that you can dress up your character however you want – you can have exactly the same disregard for practicality and physics as any modern video game designer. Do you want a sword the size of a surfboard? No problem. Do you want to run a paladin with more lace and frills than a Mardi Gras float queen? Absolutely!
#2: What do you feel is the greatest strength of your design?
I feel that perfectly mirrored balance is really the high point of my design. Nothing causes complaints within the community like variety in class makeup. If class differentiation is any more in-depth than the name of the class then the designer is going way too far. As you can see, with my system you could run an undead necro-wizard against a hobbit tinker and they’d have exactly the same DPS.
#3: How do we monetize this game?
Sell different colors of dice in the online store. Come out with anniversary edition of the dice from time to time. Vet rewards could be die that make fun sounds when you roll them. See Apple Computer for ideas on how to repackage the same technology while pretending it is something entirely new.
#4: What about Pay-To-Win? You cannot expect a modern game development house to leave that out!
Sell 6 sided dice that replace the ‘1’ with an additional ‘6’.
#5: Isn’t that cheating?
No, that is Pay-To-Win. I can see why you’d be confused but it really is different. Trust me on that.
#6: Any other advantages to your system?
Yes. Hopefully all the whining cowards who ruin every video game and community in which they participate will be so enraptured with this new ezmode game that they’ll leave the rest of us alone. Additionally, development houses that are afraid of trying anything new will get wrapped up in this new model and they’ll stop polluting IPs with utter garbage. My long term goal is to get all the gamers/developers who insist on this sort of thing to attend a convention on a atoll out in the Pacific so we can nuke these losers off the face of the earth.