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Darwin awards 2004 (Open at your own risk)

KiamdeKiamde Member CommonPosts: 5,820



Darwin Award nominees
Posted September 29, 2004

Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for the
Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.

This year's nine nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For whatever
reason, residents of Southern states always seem to figure prominently among the Darwin nominees.)

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39,
fell into the courtyard of the Toronto minion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's
windows to visiting law students. Hoy priviously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the
200-man association. (Nice to see another Canadian province getting into the awards.... The Maritimes always have been
heavily involved.)

Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]:
A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane
gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right
combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one
was hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in
prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. (South
Carolina entrants are always perennial favorites.)

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators
said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the
balcony," Honer said. (Another Ontario entry.... I wonder if people are moving there from the Maritime Provinces.)

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly
after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog
gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that
the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles.

The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the
wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???

(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene
pool.)


Although entertaining, the smarter bunch will realize the obvious that most of these are probably made up.::::39:: The lack of evidence or witnesses in these deaths presumes that these tragic tales may be fictional hooba.

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"The Job Of Art Is To Chase Away Ugliness" - Bono

"Whoever controls the media controls the mind..-'Jim Morrison"

"When decorum is repression, the only dignity free men have is to speak out." ~Abbie Hoffman

Comments

  • ThriftThrift Member Posts: 1,783

    Lol! Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: is a funny one ::::28::

  • SatansDiscipleSatansDisciple Member Posts: 2,782

    I too think nom. 2 is the funniest, though the designated winner is pretty damned funny. What exactly is "gigging"? And where did you get this list?

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  • KiamdeKiamde Member CommonPosts: 5,820

    I believe it is just a private release of useless gathered information. I got it off a mailing list.

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    "The Job Of Art Is To Chase Away Ugliness" - Bono

    "Whoever controls the media controls the mind..-'Jim Morrison"

    "When decorum is repression, the only dignity free men have is to speak out." ~Abbie Hoffman

  • DekronDekron Member UncommonPosts: 7,358

    Can't believe the one where the guy got shot by the puppy isn't on the list. If you don't know it, here is the jist of it.

    Guys dog has puppies.  He keeps them for a while.  When they are about 4 months old he decides that he can't keep them anymore.  No one wants them so he decides to shoot them.  After the guy shoots one of the puppies, he lays his gun down, barrel pointing to him.  He is struggling to get the puppies together and to quit trying to run off.  One of the puppies puts paw on trigger and *bang*, shoots the guy in the head lol.

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  • SatansDiscipleSatansDisciple Member Posts: 2,782

    I think I found the site, though I don't find the list you posted:
    http://www.darwinawards.com/

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  • GunharpGunharp Member Posts: 2,890

    I think that nominee number four is the funniest..

    If I was there I would have laughed so hard..image

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    ~Vie Est Merde

  • FlemFlem Member UncommonPosts: 2,863
    I too think #4 is the best, isnt it awful that we get a kick out of these even though someone has died as a result. but i mean hey, who can help it funny is funny.  If i died in a ridiculous manner such as these i would want someone to laugh at it i know i would from beyond the grave.

  • jayheld90jayheld90 Member UncommonPosts: 1,714


    Originally posted by dekron
    Can't believe the one where the guy got shot by the puppy isn't on the list. If you don't know it, here is the jist of it.
    Guys dog has puppies. He keeps them for a while. When they are about 4 months old he decides that he can't keep them anymore. No one wants them so he decides to shoot them. After the guy shoots one of the puppies, he lays his gun down, barrel pointing to him. He is struggling to get the puppies together and to quit trying to run off. One of the puppies puts paw on trigger and *bang*, shoots the guy in the head lol.--------------------------------------------image
    33.333333333333336% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?Killer 100%
    Achiever 53%
    Explorer 33%
    Socializer 13%
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    that story is wrong, he didnt get shot in the head, he lived , he got hit in the arm. after killing two of the puppies, he was struggling with a third and the dog hit the trigger with its paw, of course the man went to jail for animal cruelty. this story was on the news.

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  • OrccOrcc Member Posts: 3,043


    Originally posted by Flem
    I too think #4 is the best, isnt it awful that we get a kick out of these even though someone has died as a result. but i mean hey, who can help it funny is funny. If i died in a ridiculous manner such as these i would want someone to laugh at it i know i would from beyond the grave.

    I dont believe these are real, though they are quite funny. I tihnk Kiamde said theyre fake too.

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  • findnolimitfindnolimit Member Posts: 112

    I don't know if these particular stories are true but the Darwin Awards certainly are...  If you've ever come across the books that they publish every year, the stories always say whether they are factually confirmed or not...  There are plenty of people who accidentally kill themselves each year.  (You would be suprised by the amount of morons who shoot themselves with their own guns, and what percentage of them actually do come from the Southern United States...) 

    "Ahhh... those second amendments rights at work."  image

    However cruel, they do have a point (although "unfortunate") about effective removal from the gene pool.

    This is a true Darwinesc esperience I know of... My uncle is a fireman... he went to a emergency where a guy nearly killed himself by lighting a rocket on the fourth of July, which flew, caught under his chin, and blew a hole in is throat and jaw.  

    Darwinism?  I believe it... 


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  • stephen_sofstephen_sof Member, Newbie CommonPosts: 388

    lol holly crap nominee number 5 died from his own farts..

    i didnt even know that was possible thats got to be some foul stench to send the meds in the hospital lol
    man thats messed up

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  • qurckqurck Member Posts: 91



    Originally posted by stephen_sof

    lol holly crap nominee number 5 died from his own farts..
    i didnt even know that was possible thats got to be some foul stench to send the meds in the hospital lol
    man thats messed up



    ha immence! it should be funny at the funeral!

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