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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
7:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
12:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
7:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING ON MASTER'S BED! MY
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. Pricks.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of
escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors, by weaving around
their feet while they were walking, almost succeeded;
must try this at the top of the stairs next time.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
bastards, I again induced myself to vomit on their
Note-to-self: I think I'll try crapping under their
bed, too. Wonder how long it'll take them to find it?
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, to make them aware of what I am capable of, and
to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only
cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I
was. Damn! Not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was
due to MY power of "ellergeez. "Must learn what the
Hell this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and
seems more than happy to return. He must obviously be
a bloody half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an
informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am
certain he reports my every move.
Due to his current placement in the metal room, his
safety is preserved. But I can wait; it's only a
matter of time. . . the sonuvabitch