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Chuck Norris on Corbantis server

zipitzipit Member Posts: 487

     I stopped by my old server and the vets over there have recognized the fact that posting doesn't have an effect on SOE devs/mods - so they've started a Chuck Norris cult instead

BTW, if you don't read this Chuck Norris is personally gonna come over at knock you senseless with your own torn-off arm.

....may God have mercy on your soul... after chuck has his mercy on it that is.


Examples of the powers of chuck:



Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.


    What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

    Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

    Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

    A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

    Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

    Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

    Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

    The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

    Chuck Norris once shot down a French fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

    Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

    Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

    *edited cuz im scared of being banned*

    Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

    Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

    In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

    Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

    Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

    Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

    The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

    *edited cuz im scared of being banned*

    Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

    When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

    There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

    *edited cuz im scared of being banned*

    Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

    Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

    Comments

    • kefkahkefkah Member Posts: 832
      As much as I hate to contribute to Chuck Norris fad, I will mention that they forgot to add one of the funniest ones.

      "There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailor parks."

    • n2k3156n2k3156 Member Posts: 523
      I hate Chuck Norris.

      NGE Refugee.

      image

    • zipitzipit Member Posts: 487

       His Holiness Chuck Norris will do a European Tour this summer. Please feel free to apply to be his peon.

    • MotorheadMotorhead Member Posts: 1,193

      Those were funny.   Once.   A long time ago.  

      That time has long since passed.

      ----------------------------------------------
      image
      "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." -- Batman

    • zipitzipit Member Posts: 487


      Originally posted by Motorhead

      Those were funny.   Once.   A long time ago.  
      That time has long since passed.


       Well, first time for me and I had a blast reading it
    • SpathotanSpathotan Member Posts: 3,928

      This Chuck Norris thing hasnt died yet?


      "There's no star system Slave I can't reach, and there's no planet I can't find. There's nowhere in the Galaxy for you to run. Might as well give up now."
      — Boba Fett

    • duncan_922duncan_922 Member Posts: 1,670
      Chuck Norris once had sex with a Sasquatch.  That union produced a baby they called George Bush!

      SOE knows what you like... You don't!
      And don't forget... I am forcing you to read this!

    • SofaKing2000SofaKing2000 Member Posts: 196


      Originally posted by duncan_922
      Chuck Norris once had sex with a Sasquatch.  That union produced a baby they called George Bush!


      Did you also know that Jesus drives a car with a bumper sticker that says, "WWCND?"

      <What Would Chuck Norris Do?>

      I don't care how old these CN jokes are, they still crack me up

    • kairaenekairaene Member Posts: 256
      Somewhat funny.  "Sometimes corn needs to lie down."  lol

      What started the whole Chuck Norris thing?


    • SofaKing2000SofaKing2000 Member Posts: 196


      Originally posted by kairaene
      Somewhat funny.  "Sometimes corn needs to lie down."  lol

      What started the whole Chuck Norris thing?


      Conan Obrien

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