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The best Review of Guild Wars 2 ever written.

NotimeforbsNotimeforbs Member CommonPosts: 346

Is this a good game or a bad game?  Probably by now, you've played it yourself and can answer that question for yourself.  But... I need to get some crap off my chest about this game.  So I'm gonna lay it out here.

 

---------------------------

 

You know how when you were a kid and you might get sick, your mom made you stay home from school?  You remember trying to watch day-time TV?  You know... those hours before your favorite after-school shows came on?  You remember flipping through the channels a million times trying to find.... ANYTHING!?  And then after about 20 minutes of that... you finally submit to the irresistible power of... the Game Shows?  You know - Jeopardy, The Price is Right, Family Feud, Shop 'Til You Drop, Hollywood Squares, Pyramid, Supermarket Sweep, Name That Tune, and Press Your Luck?

 

You know how when you were watching those shows, you'd think, "Well... these aren't BAD shows... but I sure would rather be watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Thundercats, Darkwing Duck, Transformers, Saved By The Bell, Salute Your Shorts, .... fuggin' Doug!"

 

Well... playing Guild Wars 2.... is a lot like watching Press Your Luck around 10:30 in the morning on a sunny, perfect Tuesday, when you'd rather be watching Doug... which doesn't come on for another 7 hours.  But it sure beats the hell out of going to school and learning... like... Math and shit.... and it's not like there's anything better on TV.  So... oh well... given the circumstances... I guess it's pretty good.

 

You know?  Like.... it's serviceable if nothing else is going on at the time?  But... you're not going to sit down and watch a 3 Season Marathon of The Price is Right like you actually might do for Thundercats.

 

ADDITION:  Because I'd hate to waste your time with giving you a completely subjective review like any other review of any other game by anyone else by providing you with my own way of expressing things and hoping you might understand my meaning according to my own expression rather than how you express something, I've added in some typical grading scales you might find in other reviews so that it meets your criteria of what constitutes a review.

 

I give the game 1 Thumbs Up out of 2.

I give it 3 Stars out of 5.

I give it a 6.5/10.

It meets a 65% approval rating according to my personal grading scale.

 

Graphics - 8.5

It looks pretty good.

Sound - 6

It sounds typical and serviceable, but there's nothing special about it.

Gameplay - 6

It's not boring for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but then I start to feeling like I'd rather be playing something better.

Value - 6

I feel like it is worth the price I paid for it.  But I don't necessarily feel the need to participate in the Cash Shop.

Tilt - 6

I don't love it.  And I don't hate it.  It's okay when I'm bored.

 

What I like about the game:

I like the fact that it's better than everything else I've played on the current Market.  But you should take that as more of a statement about the current Market, rather than a comment about the game.  And it fits into that "serviceable" zone quite nicely for me.

 

What I don't like about the game:

I don't like the fact that when I play GW2, I can't shake the notion that I'd rather be playing something better.

 

 

And that's my Revised Review of Guild Wars 2.  I feel like adding the numbers really expressed better what I had to say about the game instead of what I originally wrote.  Thanks for the feedback guys!

 

«13

Comments

  • dalewjdalewj Member UncommonPosts: 94

    I wasted 3 mins reading that

    HomePage/Gaming Blog - http://dalewj.com . MMORPGer - Current game: http://AfterWorld.ru .
    Author of Diaries of Afterworld- http://www.jconsult.com/afterworld and the Outside Sci-Fi series- http://www.jconsult.com/outside

  • NotimeforbsNotimeforbs Member CommonPosts: 346
    Originally posted by dalewj

    I wasted 3 mins reading that

    But you did read it.

  • IlayaIlaya Member UncommonPosts: 608
    Originally posted by dalewj

    I wasted 3 mins reading that

    As english is not my native language, i wasted 1 min more. So 4 mins wasted time here.

  • Viper482Viper482 Member EpicPosts: 2,650
    Certainly not the best review. GW2 certainly has room for improvement though.
    Make MMORPG's Great Again!
  • AmjocoAmjoco Member UncommonPosts: 4,858
    Sorry op, I agree with the others, this kinda wasted my time. This wasn't a review but more of a comparison of tv shows. I will give you C- for trying to make it humorous. 

    Death is nothing to us, since when we are, Death has not come, and when death has come, we are not.

  • Loke666Loke666 Member EpicPosts: 21,441

    That wasn't really a review at all. You didn't put in any score, didn't write what you like and don't like.

    It is more a comment about the game or something.

  • MardukkMardukk Member RarePosts: 2,208
    Hey I liked Press Your Luck quite a bit better than Doug!
  • jaffrojonesjaffrojones Member Posts: 42
    I like this review a lot, but you forgot that Robotech came on at 3:30. At least when I was a kid in southern California.
  • GorweGorwe Member EpicPosts: 6,051
    Originally posted by Notimeforbs

    Is this a good game or a bad game?  Probably by now, you've played it yourself and can answer that question for yourself.  But... I need to get some crap off my chest about this game.  So I'm gonna lay it out here.

     

    ---------------------------

     

    You know how when you were a kid and you might get sick, your mom made you stay home from school?  You remember trying to watch day-time TV?  You know... those hours before your favorite after-school shows came on?  You remember flipping through the channels a million times trying to find.... ANYTHING!?  And then after about 20 minutes of that... you finally submit to the irresistible power of... the Game Shows?  You know - Jeopardy, The Price is Right, Family Feud, Shop 'Til You Drop, Hollywood Squares, Pyramid, Supermarket Sweep, Name That Tune, and Press Your Luck?

     

    You know how when you were watching those shows, you'd think, "Well... these aren't BAD shows... but I sure would rather be watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Thundercats, Darkwing Duck, Transformers, Saved By The Bell, Salute Your Shorts, .... fuggin' Doug!"

     

    Well... playing Guild Wars 2.... is a lot like watching Press Your Luck around 10:30 in the morning on a sunny, perfect Tuesday, when you'd rather be watching Doug... which doesn't come on for another 7 hours.  But it sure beats the hell out of going to school and learning... like... Math and shit.... and it's not like there's anything better on TV.  So... oh well... given the circumstances... I guess it's pretty good.

     

    You know?  Like.... it's serviceable if nothing else is going on at the time?  But... you're not going to sit down and watch a 3 Season Marathon of The Price is Right like you actually might do for Thundercats.

     

    ADDITION:  Because I'd hate to waste your time with giving you a completely subjective review like any other review of any other game by anyone else by providing you with my own way of expressing things and hoping you might understand my meaning according to my own expression rather than how you express something, I've added in some typical grading scales you might find in other reviews so that it meets your criteria of what constitutes a review.

     

    I give the game 1 Thumbs Up out of 2.

    I give it 3 Stars out of 5.

    I give it a 6.5/10.

    It meets a 65% approval rating according to my personal grading scale.

     

    Graphics - 8.5

    It looks pretty good.

    Sound - 6

    It sounds typical and serviceable, but there's nothing special about it.

    Gameplay - 6

    It's not boring for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but then I start to feeling like I'd rather be playing something better.

    Value - 6

    I feel like it is worth the price I paid for it.  But I don't necessarily feel the need to participate in the Cash Shop.

    Tilt - 6

    I don't love it.  And I don't hate it.  It's okay when I'm bored.

     

    What I like about the game:

    I like the fact that it's better than everything else I've played on the current Market.  But you should take that as more of a statement about the current Market, rather than a comment about the game.  And it fits into that "serviceable" zone quite nicely for me.

     

    What I don't like about the game:

    I don't like the fact that when I play GW2, I can't shake the notion that I'd rather be playing something better.

     

     

    And that's my Revised Review of Guild Wars 2.  I feel like adding the numbers really expressed better what I had to say about the game instead of what I originally wrote.  Thanks for the feedback guys!

     

    Red = what's wrong with today's society. Instead of being outside or being in school actually learning stuff and expanding your brain, most people would rather rot their brains away. I mean those are their brains - they are free to do with them as they like.

    I know the example was hypothetical onset of disease, but really? I can't believe a kid would rather sit in front of tv/pc rather than run around/climb trees/socialise in school etc. What have we come down to...

  • NotimeforbsNotimeforbs Member CommonPosts: 346
    Originally posted by Gorwe
    Originally posted by Notimeforbs

    Is this a good game or a bad game?  Probably by now, you've played it yourself and can answer that question for yourself.  But... I need to get some crap off my chest about this game.  So I'm gonna lay it out here.

     

    ---------------------------

     

    You know how when you were a kid and you might get sick, your mom made you stay home from school?  You remember trying to watch day-time TV?  You know... those hours before your favorite after-school shows came on?  You remember flipping through the channels a million times trying to find.... ANYTHING!?  And then after about 20 minutes of that... you finally submit to the irresistible power of... the Game Shows?  You know - Jeopardy, The Price is Right, Family Feud, Shop 'Til You Drop, Hollywood Squares, Pyramid, Supermarket Sweep, Name That Tune, and Press Your Luck?

     

    You know how when you were watching those shows, you'd think, "Well... these aren't BAD shows... but I sure would rather be watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Thundercats, Darkwing Duck, Transformers, Saved By The Bell, Salute Your Shorts, .... fuggin' Doug!"

     

    Well... playing Guild Wars 2.... is a lot like watching Press Your Luck around 10:30 in the morning on a sunny, perfect Tuesday, when you'd rather be watching Doug... which doesn't come on for another 7 hours.  But it sure beats the hell out of going to school and learning... like... Math and shit.... and it's not like there's anything better on TV.  So... oh well... given the circumstances... I guess it's pretty good.

     

    You know?  Like.... it's serviceable if nothing else is going on at the time?  But... you're not going to sit down and watch a 3 Season Marathon of The Price is Right like you actually might do for Thundercats.

     

    ADDITION:  Because I'd hate to waste your time with giving you a completely subjective review like any other review of any other game by anyone else by providing you with my own way of expressing things and hoping you might understand my meaning according to my own expression rather than how you express something, I've added in some typical grading scales you might find in other reviews so that it meets your criteria of what constitutes a review.

     

    I give the game 1 Thumbs Up out of 2.

    I give it 3 Stars out of 5.

    I give it a 6.5/10.

    It meets a 65% approval rating according to my personal grading scale.

     

    Graphics - 8.5

    It looks pretty good.

    Sound - 6

    It sounds typical and serviceable, but there's nothing special about it.

    Gameplay - 6

    It's not boring for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but then I start to feeling like I'd rather be playing something better.

    Value - 6

    I feel like it is worth the price I paid for it.  But I don't necessarily feel the need to participate in the Cash Shop.

    Tilt - 6

    I don't love it.  And I don't hate it.  It's okay when I'm bored.

     

    What I like about the game:

    I like the fact that it's better than everything else I've played on the current Market.  But you should take that as more of a statement about the current Market, rather than a comment about the game.  And it fits into that "serviceable" zone quite nicely for me.

     

    What I don't like about the game:

    I don't like the fact that when I play GW2, I can't shake the notion that I'd rather be playing something better.

     

     

    And that's my Revised Review of Guild Wars 2.  I feel like adding the numbers really expressed better what I had to say about the game instead of what I originally wrote.  Thanks for the feedback guys!

     

    Red = what's wrong with today's society. Instead of being outside or being in school actually learning stuff and expanding your brain, most people would rather rot their brains away. I mean those are their brains - they are free to do with them as they like.

    I know the example was hypothetical onset of disease, but really? I can't believe a kid would rather sit in front of tv/pc rather than run around/climb trees/socialise in school etc. What have we come down to...

    Red =  says the guy trying to lecture someone about rotting their brain away... on an MMO game forum.

    Green = why aren't you outside climbing trees instead of replying with nonsense to a playful review about a video game?

     

    You should stop judging people.  Especially on something as trivial as this.

  • JDis25JDis25 Member RarePosts: 1,350
    Originally posted by Gorwe
     

    Red = what's wrong with today's society. Instead of being outside or being in school actually learning stuff and expanding your brain, most people would rather rot their brains away. I mean those are their brains - they are free to do with them as they like.

    I know the example was hypothetical onset of disease, but really? I can't believe a kid would rather sit in front of tv/pc rather than run around/climb trees/socialise in school etc. What have we come down to...

    While I disagree with OP, I think Math is important to a certain level. BUT the school system is seriously flawed, they jam so much into kids' heads that we forget later on, what a waste of time and effort. It is my belief that if you have an interest in something, it will be destiny. You will try it eventually and you will run with it. I wish I could have tailored my schooling to what I wanted to it to be, not what some Director on the Board of Education wants for me.

    Now Playing: Bless / Summoners War
    Looking forward to: Crowfall / Lost Ark / Black Desert Mobile
  • iGumballStariGumballStar Member UncommonPosts: 106
    Did you know that maths improve the brain's capability to solve problems that don't even need to have any relevance to maths? I guess not.
  • Varex12Varex12 Member CommonPosts: 357

    Disagree with thread title. 

     

     

  • UserUndeletedUserUndeleted Member Posts: 121
    If I had time to educta myslef I'd wood right a profeshional reveuw to.
  • Electro057Electro057 Member UncommonPosts: 683

    This game isn't for you, you failed to list the quality of the story at all or the lore. The aesthetics of the world, how they present the UI in an artistic manner.... Etc etc

    This game is rather heavy on the lore and story, it's actually partly why I like it so much. And the story is extended into multiple books and the Living Story, which is the canon of the game advancing in episodic seasons. 

    Anyways I don't think this is really your cup of tea.

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  • IselinIselin Member LegendaryPosts: 12,792

    Reading this review is like watching daytime TV... even though it's evening and I'm watching The Australian Open.

     

    A commercial came on, I glanced at the front page and this was one of the 5 most recent... so I clicked on it expecting a link to a good review...

     

    Instead I see that someone with some form of attention seeking disorder declared his own review the best one...

     

    Oh... tennis is back.... cya

    “Microtransactions? In a single player role-playing game? Are you nuts?” 
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  • GhavriggGhavrigg Member RarePosts: 1,308
    An accurate analogy for this game, in my experiences. Wasn't actually much of a review, though.
  • TheScavengerTheScavenger Member EpicPosts: 3,321
    Originally posted by Ghavrigg
    An accurate analogy for this game, in my experiences. Wasn't actually much of a review, though.

    I give the anology right on 9/10

    Review I'll give a 2.5/10...it wasn't really entertaining or best review ever written for GW2.

     

    GW2 is more like eating fast food. It feels good at first, then has you wanting more.

    On the other hand, in MMOs I've played...SWG, Auto Assault, Tabula Rasa, City of Heroes...those were like going to Outback Steakhouse and ordering their best steak. Its expensive as hell, but you feel good afterwards and it feels great when your eating that delicious steak.

     

    Unless you are vegetarian.

    My Skyrim, Fallout 4, Starbound and WoW + other game mods at MODDB: 

    https://www.moddb.com/mods/skyrim-anime-overhaul



  • damond5031damond5031 Member UncommonPosts: 444

    It wasn't really a review but I thought it was pretty funny. I liked it better than most of these 4 page synopsis purveyed by the cheeto fueled, cape wearing, basement dweller community. Good show ole chap, dont let the haters get ya down.

     

  • d_20d_20 Member RarePosts: 1,878
    Originally posted by Notimeforbs
    Originally posted by Gorwe
    Originally posted by Notimeforbs

    Is this a good game or a bad game?  Probably by now, you've played it yourself and can answer that question for yourself.  But... I need to get some crap off my chest about this game.  So I'm gonna lay it out here.

     

    ---------------------------

     

    You know how when you were a kid and you might get sick, your mom made you stay home from school?  You remember trying to watch day-time TV?  You know... those hours before your favorite after-school shows came on?  You remember flipping through the channels a million times trying to find.... ANYTHING!?  And then after about 20 minutes of that... you finally submit to the irresistible power of... the Game Shows?  You know - Jeopardy, The Price is Right, Family Feud, Shop 'Til You Drop, Hollywood Squares, Pyramid, Supermarket Sweep, Name That Tune, and Press Your Luck?

     

    You know how when you were watching those shows, you'd think, "Well... these aren't BAD shows... but I sure would rather be watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Thundercats, Darkwing Duck, Transformers, Saved By The Bell, Salute Your Shorts, .... fuggin' Doug!"

     

    Well... playing Guild Wars 2.... is a lot like watching Press Your Luck around 10:30 in the morning on a sunny, perfect Tuesday, when you'd rather be watching Doug... which doesn't come on for another 7 hours.  But it sure beats the hell out of going to school and learning... like... Math and shit.... and it's not like there's anything better on TV.  So... oh well... given the circumstances... I guess it's pretty good.

     

    You know?  Like.... it's serviceable if nothing else is going on at the time?  But... you're not going to sit down and watch a 3 Season Marathon of The Price is Right like you actually might do for Thundercats.

     

    ADDITION:  Because I'd hate to waste your time with giving you a completely subjective review like any other review of any other game by anyone else by providing you with my own way of expressing things and hoping you might understand my meaning according to my own expression rather than how you express something, I've added in some typical grading scales you might find in other reviews so that it meets your criteria of what constitutes a review.

     

    I give the game 1 Thumbs Up out of 2.

    I give it 3 Stars out of 5.

    I give it a 6.5/10.

    It meets a 65% approval rating according to my personal grading scale.

     

    Graphics - 8.5

    It looks pretty good.

    Sound - 6

    It sounds typical and serviceable, but there's nothing special about it.

    Gameplay - 6

    It's not boring for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but then I start to feeling like I'd rather be playing something better.

    Value - 6

    I feel like it is worth the price I paid for it.  But I don't necessarily feel the need to participate in the Cash Shop.

    Tilt - 6

    I don't love it.  And I don't hate it.  It's okay when I'm bored.

     

    What I like about the game:

    I like the fact that it's better than everything else I've played on the current Market.  But you should take that as more of a statement about the current Market, rather than a comment about the game.  And it fits into that "serviceable" zone quite nicely for me.

     

    What I don't like about the game:

    I don't like the fact that when I play GW2, I can't shake the notion that I'd rather be playing something better.

     

     

    And that's my Revised Review of Guild Wars 2.  I feel like adding the numbers really expressed better what I had to say about the game instead of what I originally wrote.  Thanks for the feedback guys!

     

    Red = what's wrong with today's society. Instead of being outside or being in school actually learning stuff and expanding your brain, most people would rather rot their brains away. I mean those are their brains - they are free to do with them as they like.

    I know the example was hypothetical onset of disease, but really? I can't believe a kid would rather sit in front of tv/pc rather than run around/climb trees/socialise in school etc. What have we come down to...

    Red =  says the guy trying to lecture someone about rotting their brain away... on an MMO game forum.

    Green = why aren't you outside climbing trees instead of replying with nonsense to a playful review about a video game?

     

    You should stop judging people.  Especially on something as trivial as this.

    I like your review OP.  It was amusing and I don't regret reading it. You just got tomatoes thrown at you by a bunch of cranky old nerds. That's how it is here.

     

    I also agree with JDis25. I wanted to say something similar. School is full of BS and propaganda. Occasionally you might get a good teacher. Those are the memorable ones.

     

    And as far as the old people saying tut tut and decrying the state of today's society, I think kids have enjoyed "playing hooky" since at least as long as public education has existed to produce good little employees for industrial and post-industrial economies.

     

    I have learned so much more from my own reading and travels than I ever learned in school, though I jumped through all the hoops to get those little pieces of paper. Everything valuable and useful I've learned, I've learned in spite of public and private education.

     

     

     


  • NotimeforbsNotimeforbs Member CommonPosts: 346
    Originally posted by Electro057

    This game isn't for you, you failed to list the quality of the story at all or the lore. The aesthetics of the world, how they present the UI in an artistic manner.... Etc etc

    This game is rather heavy on the lore and story, it's actually partly why I like it so much. And the story is extended into multiple books and the Living Story, which is the canon of the game advancing in episodic seasons. 

    Anyways I don't think this is really your cup of tea.

    Well... the story.  Hrmmm... interesting point.  I didn't really talk specifically about the story.  In fact, I didn't really talk specifically about anything.  There's a reason for this:

     

    Because the details don't matter.  The 90% of the game that is maybe just mediocre at best doesn't suddenly become the greatest thing since sliced bread because the 10% that's left over just blew me away.  And more to the point... there isn't anything about the game that blows me away.  Maybe I'm just hard to impress and have higher standards.  Even still...

     

    The story is pretty okay - but I can't shake the feeling that I'd rather be playing something better.

    The UI is pretty okay - but I can't shake the feeling that I'd rather be playing something better.

    The music is pretty okay - but I can't shake the feeling that I'd rather be playing something better.

    The graphics are pretty okay - but I can't shake the feeling that I'd rather be playing something better.

    The crafting is pretty okay - but I can't shake the feeling that I'd rather be playing something better.

    The combat is pretty okay - but I can't shake the feeling that I'd rather be playing something better.

    You see the trend....

     

    When I could say the same thing about every facet in the game - I'd rather just do that instead of wasting my time (and yours) with a wall of text devoted to each section that you probably wouldn't have read.

     

    Go to the review section of these forums and read through each review.  They all do the exact same thing - they read the exact same way.  "Aspect Q of Game 7 I feel is exactly what this genre needed because unlike ZzZ, it offers something new for the player base to experience in terms of psychological connection to the digital framework within the AI Community in the game world and

     

    I did something better.  In fact - I did it best.  And you can tell it's legit, because the title says so.

     

    The analogy in my review self-justifies my opinion of the game - which is what a review is.  And it is reinforced because I'm not just expressing my own experience - I'm allowing you to experience my expression by granting you access to use your own memories from childhood - flipping through the TV channels to find something to watch.

     

    I should, however, alter my review.  There were other shows that were okay.  "The People's Court" was pretty decent, "Judge Wapner"... and there were at least a few talk shows that were okay (not Jerry Springer.)  But... I digress.

     

    Thanks for your comment.

  • askdabossaskdaboss Member UncommonPosts: 631

    I'd rather be playing GW2 than reading your "best review" though.

    What does that say about you?

     

    (on a side note, I don't necessarily disagree with you - many people don't really consider GW2 as their "main game" as such, but rather as a game they like to come back to from time to time, which is probably the best attention any game can get from a gamer in this day and age IMO)

  • NotimeforbsNotimeforbs Member CommonPosts: 346
    Originally posted by askdaboss

    I'd rather be playing GW2 than reading your "best review" though.

    What does that say about you?

     

    (on a side note, I don't necessarily disagree with you - many people don't really consider GW2 as their "main game" as such, but rather as a game they like to come back to from time to time, which is probably the best attention any game can get from a gamer in this day and age IMO)

    Well... considering that "reviews" in general aren't in the habit of competing with games for entertainment value, I would say that your wanting to play a game more than read a review of said game says about me that I did my job.  And exactly nothing more.

     

    But... maybe you meant this to be some sort of a petty passive-aggressive attack on me personally?  Naaaah... no one on the internet would do that.

  • timtracktimtrack Member UncommonPosts: 530

    This is the best post ever written.

  • ScorchienScorchien Member LegendaryPosts: 6,842
      I defintley see where the OP is coming from with his "review" , I also think he was entirely to kind , GW2 isnt even tolerable imo
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