How many of you actually have AND raise your children? If you don't, then you honestly have no business contributing to this topic.
I spank my kids. Not my youngest, he's not old enough, but he gets a tiny "pop" every now and then. As for the older 2 (4yo and 5yo), they get spankings with hands, and sometimes a switch. We used to use a belt, but I do worry about causing an injury or bruise. They're just too heavy, and the "whip effect" can leave marks. The switch is actually alot better. Very light, and by using the wrist to "snap" it, it provides a nice sting, but of course, no damage.
We love our kids dearly, and we'd never want to actually hurt them. There is a huge difference in trying to correct a child and actually beating the hell out of them.
I wonder if all the punks you see at the malls got spankings. My guess would be no. They go through all of their lives knowing full well that NOBODY can do anything to them, regardless of how they act, harass, etc., unless they actually break the law.
I agree with you though that yes, no system should castrate the teacher or diminish his authority, since they have full responsibility if something happens to the children. But would that system hold the teacher liable in case his method actually make the child worse? And if yes how would you prove it? That's why corporal punishment is a bit tricky.
This is clearly a problem area. However if I am going to err, I would prefer to err in favour of the teacher.
I would prefer to assume that a teacher engaged in corporal punishment is doing so out of good reason rather than abuse.
And while I agree that there will be abusive teachers in the world and that children will and do get abused by them it is important to take this in perspective. Almost all teachers to a man do not abuse children. Almost all children are not abused by their teachers.
I am not willing to sacrifice a disciplined educational enviroment over some horror story worse case scenario. Prevention is not better than cure.
It's no suprise to me that education standards are at an all time low in this country.
Corporal punishment isn't that tricky at all. If your kid comes home with scars or gets hospitalised or is getting "regularly punished" at school, take him away from that school and have that school inspected. If you aren't happy with the supervision your children receive from other adults, supervise them yourself. You don't have to "prove" anything.If you don't like it, if you are worried or have any doubts at all, take them out of school.
As soon as you worry about how parents are able to "prove" child abuse, you open the doors wide for all those parents who will use any weapon to keep their disruptive little angel in school and all a kid has to do is cry abuse and their least favourite teacher loses his carreer. I put it to you that this happens on a weekly basis nationally unlike child abuse which does not.
Kids cry wolf. All kids do and they do it often.
We all want kids to be protected, but if you aren't willing to place your faith and trust in teachers, blindly, then school isn't the correct enviroment for your child.
The current onus in schools here does not allow for treachers to discipline their students, or at least it does but they risk their career in doing so. So when the coked up guy in my class starts groping the unwilling girls, I'm not supposed to physical address him.
I can tell you right now that I do. I always have and I always will. I will not do my job wrong just to pander to your worries about child abuse. I'd rather not have the job. Look after your own children if you prefer, I don't need the money. And thats how I feel about it.
Round here we now have policemen in school and where before I could discipline a child who brought a knife to school and take it up with his parents, he now gets a criminal record. If he is over 16 he gets an automatic 3 years in prison too. For being a kid. For doing stuff we all did at his age too. Better he gets the cane and school and the cane when he gets home too and that's the end of it. I think the chances of him getting abuse in the prison system are a little larger than the chances that I might cane him too hard.
So if proving teachers commited child abuse is a serious concern for you, it is my opinion that you should disbar your child from the school system and self educate him rather than disrupt the time honoured and successful methods of education for everyone else. I do think you may have slightly warped prioirities and a creul impression of the world however and my honest suggestion is that you swallow your paranoia and send you kid to school with all the other normal kids.
Child abuse by teachers in schools is the exception, not the rule. Keep perspective and treat it as such.
More children die in traffic accidents than get abused in school. That's still not a valid argument to ban cars or even children in cars. Bad things happen. Even to children. If they are old enough to go to school, they are old enough to take their chances when they get there.
And, I agree with Sab. Taking away my toys and then grounding me to my room was the worst punishment. You develop an immunity to spankings, not boredom.
Developing an immunity to spanking is a good thing.
No one wants pansy kids.
At the same time you are acutely aware that you did something wrong and also that their are possible repercussions to your actions that you may not enjoy.
And, I agree with Sab. Taking away my toys and then grounding me to my room was the worst punishment. You develop an immunity to spankings, not boredom.
Developing an immunity to spanking is a good thing.
No one wants pansy kids.
At the same time you are acutely aware that you did something wrong and also that their are possible repercussions to your actions that you may not enjoy.
When i was young and my parents would drop me a at grandma's home for the weekend,and of course i was a vary bad kid.My grandma would make me go and pick a hickory stick off the tree in the front yard,of course i would pick the wimpiest limb off the tree! But she would whip a new every time i was bad..needless to say I'm glad she did.
I have a daughter who is 9 and she gets popped with a ruler or the hand,doesn't happen vary offend,but she knows if she Acts up she will get it.Which has a way of making her behave in public,school,etc.
Their is nothing worse than a unruly child in a public.
Trade in material assumptions for spiritual facts and make permanent progress.
I got spanked and I'm glad I did. Every time my dad gave me a spanking I understood exactly what I was getting it for. And if I felt the urge to repeat that behavior then I knew what the consequences were and I did not do it again.
When I have children I will raise them the same way. Abuse is way different than a spanking. My parents never abused me.
I agree with you though that yes, no system should castrate the teacher or diminish his authority, since they have full responsibility if something happens to the children. But would that system hold the teacher liable in case his method actually make the child worse? And if yes how would you prove it? That's why corporal punishment is a bit tricky.
This is clearly a problem area. However if I am going to err, I would prefer to err in favour of the teacher.
I would prefer to assume that a teacher engaged in corporal punishment is doing so out of good reason rather than abuse.
And while I agree that there will be abusive teachers in the world and that children will and do get abused by them it is important to take this in perspective. Almost all teachers to a man do not abuse children. Almost all children are not abused by their teachers.
I am not willing to sacrifice a disciplined educational enviroment over some horror story worse case scenario. Prevention is not better than cure.
It's no suprise to me that education standards are at an all time low in this country.
Corporal punishment isn't that tricky at all. If your kid comes home with scars or gets hospitalised or is getting "regularly punished" at school, take him away from that school and have that school inspected. If you aren't happy with the supervision your children receive from other adults, supervise them yourself. You don't have to "prove" anything.If you don't like it, if you are worried or have any doubts at all, take them out of school.
As soon as you worry about how parents are able to "prove" child abuse, you open the doors wide for all those parents who will use any weapon to keep their disruptive little angel in school and all a kid has to do is cry abuse and their least favourite teacher loses his carreer. I put it to you that this happens on a weekly basis nationally unlike child abuse which does not.
Kids cry wolf. All kids do and they do it often.
We all want kids to be protected, but if you aren't willing to place your faith and trust in teachers, blindly, then school isn't the correct enviroment for your child.
The current onus in schools here does not allow for treachers to discipline their students, or at least it does but they risk their career in doing so. So when the coked up guy in my class starts groping the unwilling girls, I'm not supposed to physical address him.
I can tell you right now that I do. I always have and I always will. I will not do my job wrong just to pander to your worries about child abuse. I'd rather not have the job. Look after your own children if you prefer, I don't need the money. And thats how I feel about it.
Round here we now have policemen in school and where before I could discipline a child who brought a knife to school and take it up with his parents, he now gets a criminal record. If he is over 16 he gets an automatic 3 years in prison too. For being a kid. For doing stuff we all did at his age too. Better he gets the cane and school and the cane when he gets home too and that's the end of it. I think the chances of him getting abuse in the prison system are a little larger than the chances that I might cane him too hard.
So if proving teachers commited child abuse is a serious concern for you, it is my opinion that you should disbar your child from the school system and self educate him rather than disrupt the time honoured and successful methods of education for everyone else. I do think you may have slightly warped prioirities and a creul impression of the world however and my honest suggestion is that you swallow your paranoia and send you kid to school with all the other normal kids.
Child abuse by teachers in schools is the exception, not the rule. Keep perspective and treat it as such.
More children die in traffic accidents than get abused in school. That's still not a valid argument to ban cars or even children in cars. Bad things happen. Even to children. If they are old enough to go to school, they are old enough to take their chances when they get there.
You're right. It seems like on a lot of things lately people hold up an extreme as an example of why something should not happen anymore.
When I was in school kids got licks from the principal. Our school was a lot more orderly than the schools today AND we never had a kid talk about how when he got a paddling the principal was abusive. No parents ever came to the school and complained.
And if I got licks at school, it was a guarantee that I had some more coming when I got home from school and my dad found out. I watched my behavior very closely. Because I knew what would come if I did something inappropriate or rude.
Some very good responses and interesting opinions here. It brought up other questions:
To those who would never spank or give any type of physical punishment and say that grounding or talking to kids is good enough, what do you do as a parent when your grounding and counseling does not work?
Suppose your children do something that they know they shouldn't (it's already been discussed over and over, and they've done it several times) so you take away their Xbox360, cellphones, outside priviledges and their television. You restrict them to their rooms after dinner and make it clear that under no circumstances other than the bathroom or a house fire, they are to stay grounded and not leave the room. You and your wife tell them you are going out to the store and one hour later when you return home, you come inside and you children are playing Xbox360 and texting friends in the living room.
Are you still likely to just discuss the matter with your kid or take sterner measures? Do you think grounding and restrictions are still effective?
For those who say spanking and physical punishment is okay what would you do if you sparingly gave spankings or physical punishment whenever your child failed to adhere to long established rules after you've told them many times not to repeat a particular behavior.
One day you get a call to report to the school to meet with the principal of your child's school. Thinking the worst, you race there and when you enter, there is a police officer, the principal and your child in the room. They say that your child claimed that you beat them all the time and they are investigating child abuse. You admit that you have spanked him and do it when it's only necessary, but nothing heavy handed and your child is just lying. They ask your child and he confirms you "beat him" several times and the policeman takes you into custody under suspicion of child abuse. You later found out that your kid saw a show where this happened, and the parents said they stopped spanking their kids after that because they didn't want to go to jail.
After you have your court date weeks later, the judge tells you that you are no longer allowed to spank your child because of the seriousness of the allegations and he wants to make sure no harm comes to the child. He wants you to do more talking, and less spanking and its barbaric to use violence against children. The judge says that if you violate this order, you will be sent to jail and your children removed from the home if your child ever reports this again.
The next time your child does something (say steals money from your wallet) do you spank him or do you obey the court?
One day you get a call to report to the school to meet with the principal of your child's school. Thinking the worst, you race there and when you enter, there is a police officer, the principal and your child in the room. They say that your child claimed that you beat them all the time and they are investigating child abuse. You admit that you have spanked him and do it when it's only necessary, but nothing heavy handed and your child is just lying. They ask your child and he confirms you "beat him" several times and the policeman takes you into custody under suspicion of child abuse. You later found out that your kid saw a show where this happened, and the parents said they stopped spanking their kids after that because they didn't want to go to jail.
My kids get the occasional spank, but it must be for something serious. And, for your scenario, I have talked to my kids about that. I told them if they ever pulled anything like that I would let the one who called the police and fabricated the story stay in foster care and see how wonderful it is.
Was recently reading a story about a judge sentencing a parent to jail for spanking a child with a belt. The judge told the parent that spanking with a belt is never acceptable.
It made me wonder how people think about corporal punishment nowadays and if that's the current societal thinking, away from what it was 30 or 40 years ago.
Do you think spanking children/kids is okay or parents should be jailed? If you think spanking is okay, which of these methods do you think should be allowed and at what age should it be allowed?
1. Hand - Only if they get in the way, what's not fun about five fingers of justice.
2. Belt - That's for talking back, or even not getting me a beer.
3. Slipper/Shoe - Steel toe only, I prefer not to scuff my softsoles.
4. Ruler - What better iconic image for who is boss?
5. Tree switch - Sorry, I'm conservationist I don't deplete the forest anymore than I have to.
6. Bath robe rope - Too soft, doesn't get the point of across
7. Rolled up newspaper or magazine - Only after I've read it back to back.
8. Flyswatter - That's just wrong, way to spread Swine flu.
9. Extention cord - depends on if I am using it, I'm not about to electrocute the kid. Now if it's connected to the wall and my computer/EQmachine is operating, I'm not going to get in the way of a raid just to beat my kid. See>1
10. Anything within reach to teach the little bugger a lesson as long as you don't draw blood is okay. - If it doesn't draw blood how will they not have a scar to remind them that crossing me is a VERY bad idea.
Also, if you think spanking is okay but know the judge will lock you up for doing it, would you still do it anyways knowing you'll go to jail?
It's fine. The judge here was in the wrong. If that parents child grows up and kills someone or commits a serious crime I'd point the finger at the judge for denying the parent the proper means of parenting.
I was never spanked, my mom used to get compliments on how well behaved I was.
My brother was never spanked and he never got in trouble; hes a rather accomplished academic.
My little cousins were never spanked and those kids are awesome. I love taking care of them beacuse they are so polite and fun.
I don't have any friends who were spanked and we're all doing great.
I think so many people confuse "not spanking" with "being a pussy"
If I acted up in a restraunt my mom would tell me to stop or we would go home.
If I didn't stop we would pay the bill right there, I would go home and I would have to goto bed.
If my mom said Stop or I will take away your keyboard; and I didn't stop; my keyboard was gone.
I knew she meant business. She never hit me once but if she said stop I listened because I knew they weren't empty threats.
Nothing in my anecdotal expriences suggest spanking was EVER neccessary. Sure you could call all my friends and my entire extended family a special case but come on...
How do you teach your kids not to hit when you hit them?
Oh and to the "needing to learn to not be a pussy" suggestion. That sounds like a pretty big cop-out. Sure some of my cousins are a bit wussy; but when your working in the sciences, business or anything that isn't manual labour I see a lot more value in being non-violent than having a pain tolerance :P
after 6 or so years, I had to change it a little...
Originally posted by dynamo122 It's fine. The judge here was in the wrong. If that parents child grows up and kills someone or commits a serious crime I'd point the finger at the judge for denying the parent the proper means of parenting.
But wouldn't that be a whole other issue?
I mean your premise is that because the parent didn't spank his kids, they grew up wild and later in life will murder people or commit other serious crimes.
Some argue the opposite point, that because some kids are spanked, they grow up with a violent streak and then those kids are more likely to be murderers or commit the crimes.
NOTE: I would be curious to know whether the Columbine shooters or Timothy McVeigh were spanked or not spanked or whether someone like Einstein, Mother Teresa or Stephen Hawking was ever spanked...
If I acted up in a restraunt my mom would tell me to stop or we would go home. If I didn't stop we would pay the bill right there, I would go home and I would have to goto bed. If my mom said Stop or I will take away your keyboard; and I didn't stop; my keyboard was gone. I knew she meant business. She never hit me once but if she said stop I listened because I knew they weren't empty threats.
But what happens when she runs out of things to "take" and kids still act out of order or they just leave their room? What keeps kids in line once all their goodies are gone, but they still want to smoke cigarettes, hang out late with their friends, don't do their homework, steal money, break things or whatever else they do?
If things are gone, there is nothing else you can take from them, right? I mean, you can't put them in their room and lock the door, right?
EDIT: Also, how does this play into lower class families and their kids? If parents can't afford to take them out to dinner, you can't use that against them. If they are too poor to do that, I also doubt the kid would have a keyboard or even a television. So what does that parent do when they can't bribe the child?
If I acted up in a restraunt my mom would tell me to stop or we would go home.
If I didn't stop we would pay the bill right there, I would go home and I would have to goto bed.
If my mom said Stop or I will take away your keyboard; and I didn't stop; my keyboard was gone.
I knew she meant business. She never hit me once but if she said stop I listened because I knew they weren't empty threats.
But what happens when she runs out of things to "take" and kids still act out of order or they just leave their room? What keeps kids in line once all their goodies are gone, but they still want to smoke cigarettes, hang out late with their friends, don't do their homework, steal money, break things or whatever else they do?
If things are gone, there is nothing else you can take from them, right? I mean, you can't put them in their room and lock the door, right?
EDIT: Also, how does this play into lower class families and their kids? If parents can't afford to take them out to dinner, you can't use that against them. If they are too poor to do that, I also doubt the kid would have a keyboard or even a television. So what does that parent do when they can't bribe the child?
Beg?
My family was dirt poor. I was the kid who got the free hot lunches in school :P
Most poor families these days end up with some for of entertainment. It also depends on how the family is in the financial situation. If the family is poor cause dad has an alcohol problem and mom works full time for 6 bucks an hour. There is probably more problems with the family than "their choice of discipline".
We were poor because me and my brother we're labeled as gifted and had sever social issues for the first 14-15 years of our lives (so our mother was really involved in school and stayed home with us) and my dad was self-employed and sometimes business was reaaaaaaallly slow.
So we were poor, but I had a very positive family life growing up and have maintained a very strong and happy relationship with both my parents throughout my entire life.
As for the arguement as to what to take away. I think that's an extreme that I've never seen reached. If you've taken everything away from you kid and hes still acting out; your doing it wrong :P
I've never had two things taken away from me,if I lost my keyboard or mouse and I was out for the count. Only happened twice in my life, and we've only ever left dinner early once.
Every other time I knew she was serious. When she said your keyboard goes away, I listened because I knew that if I didn't stop, it was gone and Ill be damned if I'm going a week without Commander Keen and Jazz Jackrabbit.
I honestly don't know what you'd do in that situation. As I've said I've never been there. My little cousins have never been in that situation. Nobody in my family has ever had a child that poorly behaved and nobody has ever so much as raised a hand.
The only thing I can suggest is your doing it wrong if you reach that point. :P
Maybe once somebody in my family has a poorly behaved child I can get back to you, but I don't plan on firing out little guys for a while yet, and my little cousins don't seem to be heading towards the hard drugs anytime soon.
after 6 or so years, I had to change it a little...
In response to Rekkor and the "I was spanked and im not violent"
I more meant that I personally felt it hypocritical. Not that its a surefire way to have a violent kid, but if you're solving your problem (misbehaving child) by physcially hurting the child. It seems rather hypocritical to tell them not to do it themselves.
I mean what do you say if they ask why?
"Cause its okay to hurt your own children?"
"Cause hurting family is okay?"
"If they deserve it?"
I'm curious what those who spank there children would say if their child asked them why its okay to hit them, but not for them to hit other people when they do something they dont like.
after 6 or so years, I had to change it a little...
I have a 5 year old son. The only time my wife and I spank him (open hand only, never with anything else) is when he is continuing to do something that can get him seriously hurt or killed and all other methods have failed. We try reasoning, yelling, talking away things and putting him in the "naughty corner" first. Spanking is a last resort to stop him from a serious injury. We seldom do it but when we do, he understands how bad he has been.
I think there is room for spanking with an open hand. I have seen parents who don't use physical punishments and their children are unwielding. I think it should definetly not include things that will cause more then pain to the skin. I think another good punishment is including physical labor. The hard thing about parents punishing for electronics is how you control that. Especially if their electronic is in their room.
Originally posted by Cleffy I think there is room for spanking with an open hand. I have seen parents who don't use physical punishments and their children are unwielding. I think it should definetly not include things that will cause more then pain to the skin. I think another good punishment is including physical labor. The hard thing about parents punishing for electronics is how you control that. Especially if their electronic is in their room.
If your child does something wrong, then you say "Cut the grass", they say "No."
Then your child does something else, you say "Do the dishes", they say "No".
Your child does something else, you say "Vacuum the floor and take out the trash", they say "No."
What is the overriding action or mechanism that keeps them in line when that fails as well? If you assign chores or work and are still not getting the results you want, what is your next step? Do you assign more things they will either refuse or do half-heartedly?
If I acted up in a restraunt my mom would tell me to stop or we would go home.
If I didn't stop we would pay the bill right there, I would go home and I would have to goto bed.
Nothing in my anecdotal expriences suggest spanking was EVER neccessary.
How do you teach your kids not to hit when you hit them?
1. That sounds like more of a punishment for the parents than the kids. So the kids determine whether or not the family can go out to eat?
2. That's probably true... for you. Every child's personality, responses and learning tendencies are different. There's no global rule that can determine that spanking will work for everyone any more than it can determine that grounding will work. It's the parent's responsibility to learn what punishment(s) work for the individual.
3. Punishment has to be done correctly, regardless of what kind is chosen. If you're carrying out punishment in anger, or doing it in a way that will embarrass the child in public, or not applying punishment consistently, etc. etc., then you're doing it wrong. The child needs to know beforehand that if he continues in a prohibited activity, he will be punished. When the punishment is carried out, it should be when the parent is calm... this lets the child know that the parent isn't "retaliating", but exacting the expected consequence for the child's actions. It also helps keeps the harshness of the punishment in check. After the punishment has been carried out, the parent should demonstrate forgiveness as soon as possible by a hug, words of encouragement, or whatever works for that child, so that the child knows the punishment wasn't reflective of the parent's feelings towards the child... it was just business, so to speak. If punishment is done correctly, there's absolutely no reason a child would confuse it with abuse or as encouragement to hit someone else.
I think there is room for spanking with an open hand. I have seen parents who don't use physical punishments and their children are unwielding. I think it should definetly not include things that will cause more then pain to the skin. I think another good punishment is including physical labor. The hard thing about parents punishing for electronics is how you control that. Especially if their electronic is in their room.
If your child does something wrong, then you say "Cut the grass", they say "No."
Then your child does something else, you say "Do the dishes", they say "No".
Your child does something else, you say "Vacuum the floor and take out the trash", they say "No."
What is the overriding action or mechanism that keeps them in line when that fails as well? If you assign chores or work and are still not getting the results you want, what is your next step? Do you assign more things they will either refuse or do half-heartedly?
You spank them, take away stuff, then tell them to do it again. I wasn't really spanked but having stuff taken away does suck and having to do extra to get it back even more. All 3 should be accpectable ways to punish a child.
Hold on Snow Leopard, imma let you finish, but Windows had one of the best operating systems of all time.
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If I acted up in a restraunt my mom would tell me to stop or we would go home.
If I didn't stop we would pay the bill right there, I would go home and I would have to goto bed. Nothing in my anecdotal expriences suggest spanking was EVER neccessary.
How do you teach your kids not to hit when you hit them?
1. That sounds like more of a punishment for the parents than the kids. So the kids determine whether or not the family can go out to eat?
2. That's probably true... for you. Every child's personality, responses and learning tendencies are different. There's no global rule that can determine that spanking will work for everyone any more than it can determine that grounding will work. It's the parent's responsibility to learn what punishment(s) work for the individual.
3. Punishment has to be done correctly, regardless of what kind is chosen. If you're carrying out punishment in anger, or doing it in a way that will embarrass the child in public, or not applying punishment consistently, etc. etc., then you're doing it wrong. The child needs to know beforehand that if he continues in a prohibited activity, he will be punished. When the punishment is carried out, it should be when the parent is calm... this lets the child know that the parent isn't "retaliating", but exacting the expected consequence for the child's actions. It also helps keeps the harshness of the punishment in check. After the punishment has been carried out, the parent should demonstrate forgiveness as soon as possible by a hug, words of encouragement, or whatever works for that child, so that the child knows the punishment wasn't reflective of the parent's feelings towards the child... it was just business, so to speak. If punishment is done correctly, there's absolutely no reason a child would confuse it with abuse or as encouragement to hit someone else.
1) As I said we did it once. I know personally I'd rather go home early once than hit my kid.
2) And I never said I did. Infact im pretty sure I said several times all my examples were purely anecdoal and be taken as such.
Its one of those issues where I'm so firm set; and comfortable with my position and know from experience that since this is a topic where a lot of people take it WAAAAY to personally because of the choices their parents made.
I'm just going to go past this point; I could point at research until I die and If its something your family does, you'd sooner kill me than change your mind :P
edit: oh and for the record, most psychology would love to disagree with you about #3.
Does that work much like how you as a parent drink alcohol but then tell your kid his not allowed to drink it until he is 21?
Cause if you think doing one thing and saying the other works... I think there is plenty of research out there that would disagree.
But again I'm done because this is worse than politics. Infact I'm willing to bet you've already got it out for me patri0tz :P
after 6 or so years, I had to change it a little...
1) As I said we did it once. I know personally I'd rather go home early once than hit my kid.
2) And I never said I did. Infact im pretty sure I said several times all my examples were purely anecdoal and be taken as such.
Its one of those issues where I'm so firm set; and comfortable with my position and know from experience that since this is a topic where a lot of people take it WAAAAY to personally because of the choices their parents made.
I'm just going to go past this point; I could point at research until I die and If its something your family does, you'd sooner kill me than change your mind :P
edit: oh and for the record, most psychology would love to disagree with you about #3.
Does that work much like how you as a parent drink alcohol but then tell your kid his not allowed to drink it until he is 21?
Cause if you think doing one thing and saying the other works... I think there is plenty of research out there that would disagree.
But again I'm done because this is worse than politics. Infact I'm willing to bet you've already got it out for me patri0tz :P
1. Can't argue there... that's your preference. I don't agree that kids should have that much authority over their parents decisions though.
2. I wasn't actually disagreeing with you on #2... just pointing out that what applies to some people doesn't necessarily apply to others, regardless of our personal experience.
3. I'm not advocating or condemning spanking, just saying that it should be up to the parents to decide. I think it's incredibly naive to set a global rule that corporal punishment is always bad when there's such a wide variance of factors in human development. My kids will typically shut up with just a look from me, but I've seen kids that run wild and ignore their parents regardless of warnings, yelling and threats.
I know a lot of parents practice the "Do as I say, not as I do" routine, but I don't. I don't want my kids drinking alcohol before they're of legal age to decide that for themselves, so there is no alcohol in my house, and I won't drink it anywhere in their presence. If they're home, I won't watch a TV show or movie that they aren't permitted to watch as well. When it comes to punishment though, that's a matter of practicing authority. I know if I speed and get caught, I'll get a ticket (material punishment). If I drive drunk and get caught, I'd go to jail (timeout) and have my license revoked (grounding). I know if I resist arrest, I'll probably get tasered or a beating (corporal punishment). I don't think the cops are out to get me though, and I don't take that as encouragement to go abuse someone else. I just realize that the police have the authority. I can submit and things are fine, or I can disobey and be punished.
Lol, I don't have it out for you, sorry if I came across that way. I don't believe your way of doing things is wrong at all... I just don't believe that it's the only right way of doing things.
Spanking done in an appropriate fashion can be effective and useful. The example I learned while getting my psychology degree compares spanking to touching a hot stove. It provides that same type of negative consequence to prevent a undesirable behavior.
So did you just allow your kids to grab the hot stove then?
I'm guessing not. I'm also guessing that you found another, less harmful, way to effectively teach them.
Spanking is a normal thing to do if your child does something wrong and he continues to do it even after you tell him/her to stop. It becomes bad when parents enjoy spanking their child and also if they don't care what they use or where they hit the child. After spanking a child, you should tell him/her what he/she did wrong so that they will know that it was bad. After that, give them a hug to show that you love them.
Personally I was spanked by hand and belt depending on how bad the situation was. I am all for it because I have no emotional scars from the process. It simply taught me that for every action I took there was a consequence and physical pain was one of those consequences. My dad always ask me if I knew what I did wrong. He would explain if I didnt. Then he asked me if I deserved to be punished. If I did I always said yes. I got punished. I felt better in a way because I knew everything was all better. I was forgiven. I didnt have to get punished again if I learned from my lessons. Mind you my dad was very gentle. In a way I have a great deal for my dad. He did what taught me that pain sucks and I can help it if I want to stop it.
Agreed.
Same here. I was spanked and had a belt used on me by my Dad when I was a kid. I deserved it. I was a rowdy kid, always getting into trouble.
One time my Dad was yelling at me and hitting me on my butt at the same time, I just laughed at him and said " You dont hurt me". ( I was 15) He punched me in the mouth and drew blood. I ran out of the house screaming four letter words at him. He then chased me down the block with a crutch he found in the closet. I was gone for two days. Had the cops looking for me.........LOL
I regret all the grief I caused my parents back then, today. They are both dead now.
Comments
For everyone spouting out their opinions.....
How many of you actually have AND raise your children? If you don't, then you honestly have no business contributing to this topic.
I spank my kids. Not my youngest, he's not old enough, but he gets a tiny "pop" every now and then. As for the older 2 (4yo and 5yo), they get spankings with hands, and sometimes a switch. We used to use a belt, but I do worry about causing an injury or bruise. They're just too heavy, and the "whip effect" can leave marks. The switch is actually alot better. Very light, and by using the wrist to "snap" it, it provides a nice sting, but of course, no damage.
We love our kids dearly, and we'd never want to actually hurt them. There is a huge difference in trying to correct a child and actually beating the hell out of them.
I wonder if all the punks you see at the malls got spankings. My guess would be no. They go through all of their lives knowing full well that NOBODY can do anything to them, regardless of how they act, harass, etc., unless they actually break the law.
This is clearly a problem area. However if I am going to err, I would prefer to err in favour of the teacher.
I would prefer to assume that a teacher engaged in corporal punishment is doing so out of good reason rather than abuse.
And while I agree that there will be abusive teachers in the world and that children will and do get abused by them it is important to take this in perspective. Almost all teachers to a man do not abuse children. Almost all children are not abused by their teachers.
I am not willing to sacrifice a disciplined educational enviroment over some horror story worse case scenario. Prevention is not better than cure.
It's no suprise to me that education standards are at an all time low in this country.
Corporal punishment isn't that tricky at all. If your kid comes home with scars or gets hospitalised or is getting "regularly punished" at school, take him away from that school and have that school inspected. If you aren't happy with the supervision your children receive from other adults, supervise them yourself. You don't have to "prove" anything. If you don't like it, if you are worried or have any doubts at all, take them out of school.
As soon as you worry about how parents are able to "prove" child abuse, you open the doors wide for all those parents who will use any weapon to keep their disruptive little angel in school and all a kid has to do is cry abuse and their least favourite teacher loses his carreer. I put it to you that this happens on a weekly basis nationally unlike child abuse which does not.
Kids cry wolf. All kids do and they do it often.
We all want kids to be protected, but if you aren't willing to place your faith and trust in teachers, blindly, then school isn't the correct enviroment for your child.
The current onus in schools here does not allow for treachers to discipline their students, or at least it does but they risk their career in doing so. So when the coked up guy in my class starts groping the unwilling girls, I'm not supposed to physical address him.
I can tell you right now that I do. I always have and I always will. I will not do my job wrong just to pander to your worries about child abuse. I'd rather not have the job. Look after your own children if you prefer, I don't need the money. And thats how I feel about it.
Round here we now have policemen in school and where before I could discipline a child who brought a knife to school and take it up with his parents, he now gets a criminal record. If he is over 16 he gets an automatic 3 years in prison too. For being a kid. For doing stuff we all did at his age too. Better he gets the cane and school and the cane when he gets home too and that's the end of it. I think the chances of him getting abuse in the prison system are a little larger than the chances that I might cane him too hard.
So if proving teachers commited child abuse is a serious concern for you, it is my opinion that you should disbar your child from the school system and self educate him rather than disrupt the time honoured and successful methods of education for everyone else. I do think you may have slightly warped prioirities and a creul impression of the world however and my honest suggestion is that you swallow your paranoia and send you kid to school with all the other normal kids.
Child abuse by teachers in schools is the exception, not the rule. Keep perspective and treat it as such.
More children die in traffic accidents than get abused in school. That's still not a valid argument to ban cars or even children in cars. Bad things happen. Even to children. If they are old enough to go to school, they are old enough to take their chances when they get there.
Developing an immunity to spanking is a good thing.
No one wants pansy kids.
At the same time you are acutely aware that you did something wrong and also that their are possible repercussions to your actions that you may not enjoy.
Developing an immunity to spanking is a good thing.
No one wants pansy kids.
At the same time you are acutely aware that you did something wrong and also that their are possible repercussions to your actions that you may not enjoy.
When i was young and my parents would drop me a at grandma's home for the weekend,and of course i was a vary bad kid.My grandma would make me go and pick a hickory stick off the tree in the front yard,of course i would pick the wimpiest limb off the tree! But she would whip a new every time i was bad..needless to say I'm glad she did.
I have a daughter who is 9 and she gets popped with a ruler or the hand,doesn't happen vary offend,but she knows if she Acts up she will get it.Which has a way of making her behave in public,school,etc.
Their is nothing worse than a unruly child in a public.
Trade in material assumptions for spiritual facts and make permanent progress.
I got spanked and I'm glad I did. Every time my dad gave me a spanking I understood exactly what I was getting it for. And if I felt the urge to repeat that behavior then I knew what the consequences were and I did not do it again.
When I have children I will raise them the same way. Abuse is way different than a spanking. My parents never abused me.
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This is clearly a problem area. However if I am going to err, I would prefer to err in favour of the teacher.
I would prefer to assume that a teacher engaged in corporal punishment is doing so out of good reason rather than abuse.
And while I agree that there will be abusive teachers in the world and that children will and do get abused by them it is important to take this in perspective. Almost all teachers to a man do not abuse children. Almost all children are not abused by their teachers.
I am not willing to sacrifice a disciplined educational enviroment over some horror story worse case scenario. Prevention is not better than cure.
It's no suprise to me that education standards are at an all time low in this country.
Corporal punishment isn't that tricky at all. If your kid comes home with scars or gets hospitalised or is getting "regularly punished" at school, take him away from that school and have that school inspected. If you aren't happy with the supervision your children receive from other adults, supervise them yourself. You don't have to "prove" anything. If you don't like it, if you are worried or have any doubts at all, take them out of school.
As soon as you worry about how parents are able to "prove" child abuse, you open the doors wide for all those parents who will use any weapon to keep their disruptive little angel in school and all a kid has to do is cry abuse and their least favourite teacher loses his carreer. I put it to you that this happens on a weekly basis nationally unlike child abuse which does not.
Kids cry wolf. All kids do and they do it often.
We all want kids to be protected, but if you aren't willing to place your faith and trust in teachers, blindly, then school isn't the correct enviroment for your child.
The current onus in schools here does not allow for treachers to discipline their students, or at least it does but they risk their career in doing so. So when the coked up guy in my class starts groping the unwilling girls, I'm not supposed to physical address him.
I can tell you right now that I do. I always have and I always will. I will not do my job wrong just to pander to your worries about child abuse. I'd rather not have the job. Look after your own children if you prefer, I don't need the money. And thats how I feel about it.
Round here we now have policemen in school and where before I could discipline a child who brought a knife to school and take it up with his parents, he now gets a criminal record. If he is over 16 he gets an automatic 3 years in prison too. For being a kid. For doing stuff we all did at his age too. Better he gets the cane and school and the cane when he gets home too and that's the end of it. I think the chances of him getting abuse in the prison system are a little larger than the chances that I might cane him too hard.
So if proving teachers commited child abuse is a serious concern for you, it is my opinion that you should disbar your child from the school system and self educate him rather than disrupt the time honoured and successful methods of education for everyone else. I do think you may have slightly warped prioirities and a creul impression of the world however and my honest suggestion is that you swallow your paranoia and send you kid to school with all the other normal kids.
Child abuse by teachers in schools is the exception, not the rule. Keep perspective and treat it as such.
More children die in traffic accidents than get abused in school. That's still not a valid argument to ban cars or even children in cars. Bad things happen. Even to children. If they are old enough to go to school, they are old enough to take their chances when they get there.
You're right. It seems like on a lot of things lately people hold up an extreme as an example of why something should not happen anymore.
When I was in school kids got licks from the principal. Our school was a lot more orderly than the schools today AND we never had a kid talk about how when he got a paddling the principal was abusive. No parents ever came to the school and complained.
And if I got licks at school, it was a guarantee that I had some more coming when I got home from school and my dad found out. I watched my behavior very closely. Because I knew what would come if I did something inappropriate or rude.
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Some very good responses and interesting opinions here. It brought up other questions:
To those who would never spank or give any type of physical punishment and say that grounding or talking to kids is good enough, what do you do as a parent when your grounding and counseling does not work?
Suppose your children do something that they know they shouldn't (it's already been discussed over and over, and they've done it several times) so you take away their Xbox360, cellphones, outside priviledges and their television. You restrict them to their rooms after dinner and make it clear that under no circumstances other than the bathroom or a house fire, they are to stay grounded and not leave the room. You and your wife tell them you are going out to the store and one hour later when you return home, you come inside and you children are playing Xbox360 and texting friends in the living room.
Are you still likely to just discuss the matter with your kid or take sterner measures? Do you think grounding and restrictions are still effective?
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For those who say spanking and physical punishment is okay what would you do if you sparingly gave spankings or physical punishment whenever your child failed to adhere to long established rules after you've told them many times not to repeat a particular behavior.
One day you get a call to report to the school to meet with the principal of your child's school. Thinking the worst, you race there and when you enter, there is a police officer, the principal and your child in the room. They say that your child claimed that you beat them all the time and they are investigating child abuse. You admit that you have spanked him and do it when it's only necessary, but nothing heavy handed and your child is just lying. They ask your child and he confirms you "beat him" several times and the policeman takes you into custody under suspicion of child abuse. You later found out that your kid saw a show where this happened, and the parents said they stopped spanking their kids after that because they didn't want to go to jail.
After you have your court date weeks later, the judge tells you that you are no longer allowed to spank your child because of the seriousness of the allegations and he wants to make sure no harm comes to the child. He wants you to do more talking, and less spanking and its barbaric to use violence against children. The judge says that if you violate this order, you will be sent to jail and your children removed from the home if your child ever reports this again.
The next time your child does something (say steals money from your wallet) do you spank him or do you obey the court?
"TO MICHAEL!"
My kids get the occasional spank, but it must be for something serious. And, for your scenario, I have talked to my kids about that. I told them if they ever pulled anything like that I would let the one who called the police and fabricated the story stay in foster care and see how wonderful it is.
It's fine. The judge here was in the wrong. If that parents child grows up and kills someone or commits a serious crime I'd point the finger at the judge for denying the parent the proper means of parenting.
I dunno;
I was never spanked, my mom used to get compliments on how well behaved I was.
My brother was never spanked and he never got in trouble; hes a rather accomplished academic.
My little cousins were never spanked and those kids are awesome. I love taking care of them beacuse they are so polite and fun.
I don't have any friends who were spanked and we're all doing great.
I think so many people confuse "not spanking" with "being a pussy"
If I acted up in a restraunt my mom would tell me to stop or we would go home.
If I didn't stop we would pay the bill right there, I would go home and I would have to goto bed.
If my mom said Stop or I will take away your keyboard; and I didn't stop; my keyboard was gone.
I knew she meant business. She never hit me once but if she said stop I listened because I knew they weren't empty threats.
Nothing in my anecdotal expriences suggest spanking was EVER neccessary. Sure you could call all my friends and my entire extended family a special case but come on...
How do you teach your kids not to hit when you hit them?
Oh and to the "needing to learn to not be a pussy" suggestion. That sounds like a pretty big cop-out. Sure some of my cousins are a bit wussy; but when your working in the sciences, business or anything that isn't manual labour I see a lot more value in being non-violent than having a pain tolerance :P
after 6 or so years, I had to change it a little...
But wouldn't that be a whole other issue?
I mean your premise is that because the parent didn't spank his kids, they grew up wild and later in life will murder people or commit other serious crimes.
Some argue the opposite point, that because some kids are spanked, they grow up with a violent streak and then those kids are more likely to be murderers or commit the crimes.
NOTE: I would be curious to know whether the Columbine shooters or Timothy McVeigh were spanked or not spanked or whether someone like Einstein, Mother Teresa or Stephen Hawking was ever spanked...
"TO MICHAEL!"
But what happens when she runs out of things to "take" and kids still act out of order or they just leave their room? What keeps kids in line once all their goodies are gone, but they still want to smoke cigarettes, hang out late with their friends, don't do their homework, steal money, break things or whatever else they do?
If things are gone, there is nothing else you can take from them, right? I mean, you can't put them in their room and lock the door, right?
EDIT: Also, how does this play into lower class families and their kids? If parents can't afford to take them out to dinner, you can't use that against them. If they are too poor to do that, I also doubt the kid would have a keyboard or even a television. So what does that parent do when they can't bribe the child?
Beg?
"TO MICHAEL!"
But what happens when she runs out of things to "take" and kids still act out of order or they just leave their room? What keeps kids in line once all their goodies are gone, but they still want to smoke cigarettes, hang out late with their friends, don't do their homework, steal money, break things or whatever else they do?
If things are gone, there is nothing else you can take from them, right? I mean, you can't put them in their room and lock the door, right?
EDIT: Also, how does this play into lower class families and their kids? If parents can't afford to take them out to dinner, you can't use that against them. If they are too poor to do that, I also doubt the kid would have a keyboard or even a television. So what does that parent do when they can't bribe the child?
Beg?
My family was dirt poor. I was the kid who got the free hot lunches in school :P
Most poor families these days end up with some for of entertainment. It also depends on how the family is in the financial situation. If the family is poor cause dad has an alcohol problem and mom works full time for 6 bucks an hour. There is probably more problems with the family than "their choice of discipline".
We were poor because me and my brother we're labeled as gifted and had sever social issues for the first 14-15 years of our lives (so our mother was really involved in school and stayed home with us) and my dad was self-employed and sometimes business was reaaaaaaallly slow.
So we were poor, but I had a very positive family life growing up and have maintained a very strong and happy relationship with both my parents throughout my entire life.
As for the arguement as to what to take away. I think that's an extreme that I've never seen reached. If you've taken everything away from you kid and hes still acting out; your doing it wrong :P
I've never had two things taken away from me,if I lost my keyboard or mouse and I was out for the count. Only happened twice in my life, and we've only ever left dinner early once.
Every other time I knew she was serious. When she said your keyboard goes away, I listened because I knew that if I didn't stop, it was gone and Ill be damned if I'm going a week without Commander Keen and Jazz Jackrabbit.
I honestly don't know what you'd do in that situation. As I've said I've never been there. My little cousins have never been in that situation. Nobody in my family has ever had a child that poorly behaved and nobody has ever so much as raised a hand.
The only thing I can suggest is your doing it wrong if you reach that point. :P
Maybe once somebody in my family has a poorly behaved child I can get back to you, but I don't plan on firing out little guys for a while yet, and my little cousins don't seem to be heading towards the hard drugs anytime soon.
after 6 or so years, I had to change it a little...
WOW double post.. haven't seen that in years!
Edit: Might as well use this for something.
In response to Rekkor and the "I was spanked and im not violent"
I more meant that I personally felt it hypocritical. Not that its a surefire way to have a violent kid, but if you're solving your problem (misbehaving child) by physcially hurting the child. It seems rather hypocritical to tell them not to do it themselves.
I mean what do you say if they ask why?
"Cause its okay to hurt your own children?"
"Cause hurting family is okay?"
"If they deserve it?"
I'm curious what those who spank there children would say if their child asked them why its okay to hit them, but not for them to hit other people when they do something they dont like.
after 6 or so years, I had to change it a little...
I have a 5 year old son. The only time my wife and I spank him (open hand only, never with anything else) is when he is continuing to do something that can get him seriously hurt or killed and all other methods have failed. We try reasoning, yelling, talking away things and putting him in the "naughty corner" first. Spanking is a last resort to stop him from a serious injury. We seldom do it but when we do, he understands how bad he has been.
I think there is room for spanking with an open hand. I have seen parents who don't use physical punishments and their children are unwielding. I think it should definetly not include things that will cause more then pain to the skin. I think another good punishment is including physical labor. The hard thing about parents punishing for electronics is how you control that. Especially if their electronic is in their room.
If your child does something wrong, then you say "Cut the grass", they say "No."
Then your child does something else, you say "Do the dishes", they say "No".
Your child does something else, you say "Vacuum the floor and take out the trash", they say "No."
What is the overriding action or mechanism that keeps them in line when that fails as well? If you assign chores or work and are still not getting the results you want, what is your next step? Do you assign more things they will either refuse or do half-heartedly?
"TO MICHAEL!"
1. That sounds like more of a punishment for the parents than the kids. So the kids determine whether or not the family can go out to eat?
2. That's probably true... for you. Every child's personality, responses and learning tendencies are different. There's no global rule that can determine that spanking will work for everyone any more than it can determine that grounding will work. It's the parent's responsibility to learn what punishment(s) work for the individual.
3. Punishment has to be done correctly, regardless of what kind is chosen. If you're carrying out punishment in anger, or doing it in a way that will embarrass the child in public, or not applying punishment consistently, etc. etc., then you're doing it wrong. The child needs to know beforehand that if he continues in a prohibited activity, he will be punished. When the punishment is carried out, it should be when the parent is calm... this lets the child know that the parent isn't "retaliating", but exacting the expected consequence for the child's actions. It also helps keeps the harshness of the punishment in check. After the punishment has been carried out, the parent should demonstrate forgiveness as soon as possible by a hug, words of encouragement, or whatever works for that child, so that the child knows the punishment wasn't reflective of the parent's feelings towards the child... it was just business, so to speak. If punishment is done correctly, there's absolutely no reason a child would confuse it with abuse or as encouragement to hit someone else.
If your child does something wrong, then you say "Cut the grass", they say "No."
Then your child does something else, you say "Do the dishes", they say "No".
Your child does something else, you say "Vacuum the floor and take out the trash", they say "No."
What is the overriding action or mechanism that keeps them in line when that fails as well? If you assign chores or work and are still not getting the results you want, what is your next step? Do you assign more things they will either refuse or do half-heartedly?
You spank them, take away stuff, then tell them to do it again. I wasn't really spanked but having stuff taken away does suck and having to do extra to get it back even more. All 3 should be accpectable ways to punish a child.
Hold on Snow Leopard, imma let you finish, but Windows had one of the best operating systems of all time.
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1. That sounds like more of a punishment for the parents than the kids. So the kids determine whether or not the family can go out to eat?
2. That's probably true... for you. Every child's personality, responses and learning tendencies are different. There's no global rule that can determine that spanking will work for everyone any more than it can determine that grounding will work. It's the parent's responsibility to learn what punishment(s) work for the individual.
3. Punishment has to be done correctly, regardless of what kind is chosen. If you're carrying out punishment in anger, or doing it in a way that will embarrass the child in public, or not applying punishment consistently, etc. etc., then you're doing it wrong. The child needs to know beforehand that if he continues in a prohibited activity, he will be punished. When the punishment is carried out, it should be when the parent is calm... this lets the child know that the parent isn't "retaliating", but exacting the expected consequence for the child's actions. It also helps keeps the harshness of the punishment in check. After the punishment has been carried out, the parent should demonstrate forgiveness as soon as possible by a hug, words of encouragement, or whatever works for that child, so that the child knows the punishment wasn't reflective of the parent's feelings towards the child... it was just business, so to speak. If punishment is done correctly, there's absolutely no reason a child would confuse it with abuse or as encouragement to hit someone else.
1) As I said we did it once. I know personally I'd rather go home early once than hit my kid.
2) And I never said I did. Infact im pretty sure I said several times all my examples were purely anecdoal and be taken as such.
Its one of those issues where I'm so firm set; and comfortable with my position and know from experience that since this is a topic where a lot of people take it WAAAAY to personally because of the choices their parents made.
I'm just going to go past this point; I could point at research until I die and If its something your family does, you'd sooner kill me than change your mind :P
edit: oh and for the record, most psychology would love to disagree with you about #3.
Does that work much like how you as a parent drink alcohol but then tell your kid his not allowed to drink it until he is 21?
Cause if you think doing one thing and saying the other works... I think there is plenty of research out there that would disagree.
But again I'm done because this is worse than politics. Infact I'm willing to bet you've already got it out for me patri0tz :P
after 6 or so years, I had to change it a little...
1) As I said we did it once. I know personally I'd rather go home early once than hit my kid.
2) And I never said I did. Infact im pretty sure I said several times all my examples were purely anecdoal and be taken as such.
Its one of those issues where I'm so firm set; and comfortable with my position and know from experience that since this is a topic where a lot of people take it WAAAAY to personally because of the choices their parents made.
I'm just going to go past this point; I could point at research until I die and If its something your family does, you'd sooner kill me than change your mind :P
edit: oh and for the record, most psychology would love to disagree with you about #3.
Does that work much like how you as a parent drink alcohol but then tell your kid his not allowed to drink it until he is 21?
Cause if you think doing one thing and saying the other works... I think there is plenty of research out there that would disagree.
But again I'm done because this is worse than politics. Infact I'm willing to bet you've already got it out for me patri0tz :P
1. Can't argue there... that's your preference. I don't agree that kids should have that much authority over their parents decisions though.
2. I wasn't actually disagreeing with you on #2... just pointing out that what applies to some people doesn't necessarily apply to others, regardless of our personal experience.
3. I'm not advocating or condemning spanking, just saying that it should be up to the parents to decide. I think it's incredibly naive to set a global rule that corporal punishment is always bad when there's such a wide variance of factors in human development. My kids will typically shut up with just a look from me, but I've seen kids that run wild and ignore their parents regardless of warnings, yelling and threats.
I know a lot of parents practice the "Do as I say, not as I do" routine, but I don't. I don't want my kids drinking alcohol before they're of legal age to decide that for themselves, so there is no alcohol in my house, and I won't drink it anywhere in their presence. If they're home, I won't watch a TV show or movie that they aren't permitted to watch as well. When it comes to punishment though, that's a matter of practicing authority. I know if I speed and get caught, I'll get a ticket (material punishment). If I drive drunk and get caught, I'd go to jail (timeout) and have my license revoked (grounding). I know if I resist arrest, I'll probably get tasered or a beating (corporal punishment). I don't think the cops are out to get me though, and I don't take that as encouragement to go abuse someone else. I just realize that the police have the authority. I can submit and things are fine, or I can disobey and be punished.
Lol, I don't have it out for you, sorry if I came across that way. I don't believe your way of doing things is wrong at all... I just don't believe that it's the only right way of doing things.
So did you just allow your kids to grab the hot stove then?
I'm guessing not. I'm also guessing that you found another, less harmful, way to effectively teach them.
Spanking is a normal thing to do if your child does something wrong and he continues to do it even after you tell him/her to stop. It becomes bad when parents enjoy spanking their child and also if they don't care what they use or where they hit the child. After spanking a child, you should tell him/her what he/she did wrong so that they will know that it was bad. After that, give them a hug to show that you love them.
Agreed.
Same here. I was spanked and had a belt used on me by my Dad when I was a kid. I deserved it. I was a rowdy kid, always getting into trouble.
One time my Dad was yelling at me and hitting me on my butt at the same time, I just laughed at him and said " You dont hurt me". ( I was 15) He punched me in the mouth and drew blood. I ran out of the house screaming four letter words at him. He then chased me down the block with a crutch he found in the closet. I was gone for two days. Had the cops looking for me.........LOL
I regret all the grief I caused my parents back then, today. They are both dead now.