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I thought family meant something

ChiramChiram Member UncommonPosts: 643

So.. today I guess I found out just how thick "blood" can really be. My parents put the news on me today that they are losing their retirement home. Not going to go into the full detail, but basically they owe about 80,000$ and the company they are with is screwing them over with 29% interest. I have exhausted all areas I can possibly think of to get them help they need, even contacted HUD.

 

So, I don't make a lot of money, I mean... I make enough being a lab tech and all but it isn't all that, you know?. They asked me for money to cover the interest. I was brought back a bit by the question, because I have 2 other siblings. I said I would go 1/3rd. Which is generous isn't it?. They said I WAS THE ONLY ONE WILLING to put up the money. Problem is this, one of my sisters isn't all that well off, so I can see her not putting money down, fine, right?. My other sister, is married, has 4 kids, a brand new home ( 875,000 property bought and paid for) and two escalades, one with 92,500 tricked out and another worth 60,000 basic.

I even tried to reason and said you arent giving them this money, we are paying it so that the interest isn't destroying them financially, they agreed to pay it back within the next 8 years or so. They still refused, so I am at this juncture, where I quite literally am sickened to the core. I thought I knew my family and am currently debating on whether or not to basically blacklist my sister for life because of this.

 

What would you guys do in this situation?

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Comments

  • TorakTorak Member Posts: 4,905

    When it comes to money people change and family ties don't matter sometimes.

    One question: how do you know your sister's family actually has the money? Just because someone has a big house and a couple of nice cars doesn't mean they have a large amount of liquid asset. In fact those types are usually strapped pretty thin.

    What do I think about it? Well Mom and Dad are 3x7 and they know what to do. "The company they are with" isn't "screwing them" out of 29% interest, it was more then likely disclosed somewhere otherwise you could take legal action...but you didn't give any detail on that part.  Since you stated that no one can help you out, it sounds like everything is in order from a legal perspective. Should they have sold a mortgage like that? Well that's what the whole housing crisis is about, isn't it?

    Sell the house and help them get restarted in a better situation. Trying to savage this mess sounds like all you will be doing is throwing good money after bad. I mean 29% interest on 80k??? Your grandkids will be paying that off.  29%???? Are you sure about that?

    I'm not trying to sound disrespectful of your parents but someone needs to take a more active role when they make decisions like this again.

    Money is a cruel teacher.

    Without knowing your family, I don't think anyone can say why sis won't help. She's probably broke too and putting on a show.

     

    Anyway, good luck to you and your family. I hope they have some better luck this new year.

     

     

  • fulmanfufulmanfu Member Posts: 1,523

    my guess would be that your 'wealthy' sibling is worse off than your parents.

    i don't know the facts, or the people. but 10,000+ a month in just house and car payments to 'keep up with the jones' is one of the major problems in the country today. im sure you think they have great jobs and a cushy life(which they should if they are making that kind of money) but people dig holes and find ways to blow about as much money as they make, some get in worse than others.

    and alot of people who like to look like 'the jones' so to speak, would be the last to simpley break down and tell you they are over their head, and living check to check just like millions of other people.

    if they really did have a million dollars to throw down cash on a house(which i doubt) then they are just a cold hearted person that even your other sibling isn't taken care of honestly. family should mean something.

  • ZorvanZorvan Member CommonPosts: 8,912

    Don't take this the wrong way, but if the tricked out Escalades are more important than selling one and helping the parents who raised her spoiled ass, fuck the bitch. Cut her out. And beat her old mans ass, just to drive the point home.

  • BlazzBlazz Member Posts: 321

    I am the beloved younger sibling (now 18 yo), my four year older brother was kicked out of home at the age of 14. He went to his grandmother's house first, then was kicked out and moved into my... second cousin?'s house.

    Some shit went down there, and well, now the side that my second cousin is related to have pretty much blacklisted our family. A bit odd. I'd've thought that about four years after the fact would have healed some wounds - I mean, I'm pretty sure Pauly (my second? cousin?... some kinda relation) was going to buy drugs with the thousand or so dollars in CASH that he kept in his drawer...

    Anyway, everyone now hates Josh, my brother and, by association, my parents and their parents and siblings etc.

     

    Family... heh. Kind of fucked.

    Today, it's all about the money.

    Blood may be thicker than water, but it's still a liquid and can be drained.

    I am playing EVE and it's alright... level V skills are a bit much.

    You all need to learn to spell.

  • Rikimaru_XRikimaru_X Member UncommonPosts: 11,718

    To be honest money changes people, it really does man. I can only pray for your sister, because she will not give a dime to the people who had brought her in this world, thus which is the #1 reason to why she got what she has. I'm very sorry for your parents man. First of all man I would like for you to get a good reason to why your sister won't help. I mean is their a liable reason? If not then I would just tell her she should be ashamed at herself for not helping her parents in need when they been there for her from baby to childhood and so forth.

    I don't want you to be too extreme on your sister right now as I still have faith that she may change. At this point you must remind her what "blood" is. I'd take some time out to try to get her to realize that, without yelling and aruging of course. If that don't work just tell her that you can't bare to communicate with her. For such an event happening man all you can really do is Pray. I know my parents personally would ask for help, but they know that I need to take care of what I have as well, but if I had the money I would try to help them. If you need to help them man try, but don't give them so much that your own life starts to rot.

    Not matter what your sister choice is, thats your sister. I don't think you should stop communication with her if you two are very close. There alwasy have to be a family member to show the example of the ways bloodlines go. You need to show them that. I really don't know how your parents dug themselves in that type of hole, but I wouldn't know the reason to why or how. I just hope it wasn't nothing that could have been prevented.

    All I can do for you is give you my word of advice and pray for you man. So many people have been going though hard times and I do care about the safety of my family friends and even stranger familes of good will and faith. I do have faith you can get your sister to help out. If all else I would just leave her alone. Time will come when things that that will sink into her, but I don't recommend blacklisting her because this is too much of a deep situation to ignore a family member right now.I prefer when it's all over with THEN you can decide.

    -In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
    |
    RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos

  • ProletarianProletarian Member Posts: 77
    Originally posted by Zorvan


    Don't take this the wrong way, but if the tricked out Escalades are more important than selling one and helping the parents who raised her spoiled ass, fuck the bitch. Cut her out. And beat her old mans ass, just to drive the point home.

     

    This. THIS. QFT 

  • olddaddyolddaddy Member Posts: 3,356

    There are entire industries that prey on the elderly.

    I was just watching the History Channel yesterday, and saw commercial after commercial for reverse mortgages aimed at senior citizens that have watched their nest egg reduced by falling stock prices.

    Reverse mortgages pay them a check every month out of their home equity, until their equity is entirely consumed. The trick for the senior citizen is the timing, to die around the time there is no equity left.

    If they outlive their equity, they get to push a shopping cart around town loaded with their worldly goods, sleep on park benches, and eat at soup kitchens, because they will be homeless.

    It just disgusts me.

    29% interest is preditory too. Is that rate even legal in their State? Which mortgage company?

     

  • JustTalkingJustTalking Member CommonPosts: 206

    In my experiences family takes a back-seat to greed.

    OP, you got a lot on your plate and i am truly sorry for your situation, hopefully everything can be sorted out as quickly and easily as possible....as for your sisters, well you're going to have to do what you think is right.

    It sucks to be put into this type of situation, I've been in a similar one myself...the only advice i can give you is don't depend on anybody to help you on it, usually you'll only wind up disappointed.

    Good luck bro.

  • EnigmaEnigma Member UncommonPosts: 11,384

    First of all, I am truly sorry about your parents. However, may I ask how in the world they managed to get a mortgage with 29% interest? That's like a mortgage loan from Circuit City or something.  Are you sure their mortgage is 29%? The highest I ever seen mortgage was at 19% when I found out my wife's grandparents mortgage was 19. We had them refinance down to 5.5% Can your parents' refinance?

    About your sister, like some others had said, I am pretty sure she has no money to give. If someone has two escalades and a home like that, that tells me she is one paycheck away from disaster.

    I hope everything goes well...I really do.

    People who have to create conspiracy and hate threads to further a cause lacks in intellectual comprehension of diversity.

  • MuraisMurais Member UncommonPosts: 1,118

      Your family is just a bunch of people who happen to have fucked and come out of each other. True story.

     

      From my own experiences, people are only going to disappoint you in the long run. Try to deal with them as little as possible. Mysanthropy isn't such a bad philosophy. Sorry to hear about your folks, and I hope they find a way out of their predicament. But if there's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can do. Creating a bunch of bad blood isn't going to fix it either way.

  • streeastreea Member UncommonPosts: 654

    29% seems criminal. Even in this market, they need to refinance and get with a company that isn't going to pull BS like that. At worse, they'll get stuck with 7-10% (at the very worst) and mortgage companies should be jumping at them like rabid sharks once they find out what the current mortgage holder is doing to them (because other companies will be able to offer fixed rates a LOT lower).

    Also, I would try to talk to your sister. Like others have suggested, she may have lots of fancy things but be really tight to support everything. It's also possible that she warned your parents against getting this crazy ass mortgage and doesn't want to help them because she A) warned them before and/or B) thinks it's criminal that money should be going to pay off that horrid interest.

    Honestly, I would suggest that you refuse to help pay the interest and instead insist that if they want your help, they should join you and shop around to get refinanced. At least then you'll be blowing less money to help them out (and not pay that horrid mortgage company a dime).

  • Rayx0rRayx0r Member, Newbie CommonPosts: 2,902
    Originally posted by Chiram


    So.. today I guess I found out just how thick "blood" can really be. My parents put the news on me today that they are losing their retirement home. Not going to go into the full detail, but basically they owe about 80,000$ and the company they are with is screwing them over with 29% interest. I have exhausted all areas I can possibly think of to get them help they need, even contacted HUD.
     
    So, I don't make a lot of money, I mean... I make enough being a lab tech and all but it isn't all that, you know?. They asked me for money to cover the interest. I was brought back a bit by the question, because I have 2 other siblings. I said I would go 1/3rd. Which is generous isn't it?. They said I WAS THE ONLY ONE WILLING to put up the money. Problem is this, one of my sisters isn't all that well off, so I can see her not putting money down, fine, right?. My other sister, is married, has 4 kids, a brand new home ( 875,000 property bought and paid for) and two escalades, one with 92,500 tricked out and another worth 60,000 basic.
    I even tried to reason and said you arent giving them this money, we are paying it so that the interest isn't destroying them financially, they agreed to pay it back within the next 8 years or so. They still refused, so I am at this juncture, where I quite literally am sickened to the core. I thought I knew my family and am currently debating on whether or not to basically blacklist my sister for life because of this.
     
    What would you guys do in this situation?



     

    You take care of your parents, and dont worry about the other siblings.  I wouldnt bother calling them or making any attempt to contact them ever again either.  I wouldnt go so far as blacklist them, but just distance yourself.  Chances are, they'll see what a helpfull guy you are and expect you to help them out down the road.  Thats why you should distance yourself from them.  They dont seem stable.

    but just worry about your parents and what you can do for them.  Dont worry about your sisters or their families.  In time, they'll regret very much not assisting them when they could and it will weigh heavy on their conscience.  Just be a man and do what needs to be done

    image

    “"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a robot foot stomping on a human face -- forever."
  • AmpallangAmpallang Member Posts: 396

    Ok, there is a simple way to handle this.  You know your sister.  You know who she is married to.  You may even know her friends.  What you need to do is committ blackmail.  Find something to use against your sister and force her compliance.  Maybe she is cheating on her husband or something.  I don't know.  Find something that can give you leverage.

    If you are not being responded to directly, you are probably on my ignore list.

  • SoejckdswgSoejckdswg Member Posts: 338

    I would say try to help your parents no matter what your siblings do or don't do, its a matter of honor. I'm a parent of two and the sacrifices i've had to make for my kids you can't even fit on paper, sure i would be better off financially if i didn't have kids but they're totally worth it because "I Love Them" I just had to write $6,000 check to the hospitol for one of my kids, i had a whole list of things i coulda got with that money had i not had any kids. You can't put a price on family its the most important thing you have. Try to help your mom and dad, do what you feel is in your heart to do, the mind will take you places in reason that is far from your heart.

     

     

    Keeper

  • TealaTeala Member RarePosts: 7,627
    Originally posted by Enigma


    First of all, I am truly sorry about your parents. However, may I ask how in the world they managed to get a mortgage with 29% interest? That's like a mortgage loan from Circuit City or something.  Are you sure their mortgage is 29%? The highest I ever seen mortgage was at 19% when I found out my wife's grandparents mortgage was 19. We had them refinance down to 5.5% Can your parents' refinance?
    About your sister, like some others had said, I am pretty sure she has no money to give. If someone has two escalades and a home like that, that tells me she is one paycheck away from disaster.
    I hope everything goes well...I really do.

     

    I'm with Enigma here.  29% is a little outrageous and I've never seen a mortgage rate at that level ever.   You sure they quoted you the right rate.

  • TealaTeala Member RarePosts: 7,627

    Also there is no such thing as blood bonding family members especially when money is involved.

  • gnomexxxgnomexxx Member Posts: 2,920

    Here's what I would do.

    I would take care of my parents.  Then I would not say a derogatory word to my sister about it at all.  I would just let it roll right off my back and not let it bother me.

    Here's why.  Because she's your sister.  I know that probably sounds naive or whatever and it might seem like she needs to learn a lesson from you, but you should take the high road.

    Then, hope and pray that one of these days she will learn what a mistake she made and feel the guilt that goes along with it.  That is the only way that it's going to sink in.  Then when she learns her lesson she is going to realize that even through her dumb headedness and selfishness her family still stood by her, and that family does mean something, even when a sibling is in a selfish stage of their life.

    Family does matter.  I matters a lot.  It's a major part of what holds our society together and the failure of families is one of the things that is hurting our society right now.

    Like I said, just hope and pray that someday she realizes her mistake.  Then you'll be happy you didn't give up on her.

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  • gnomexxxgnomexxx Member Posts: 2,920
    Originally posted by Teala


    Also there is no such thing as blood bonding family members especially when money is involved.

    That depends on the family.  I would give my life and all my money for any of my family members.

    I have a feeling that his sister is just going through a stage, a pretty selfish one no doubt, but one that will hopefully pass.  Don't give up on family.  You can get really pissed off at them sometimes, but that's only because of how close you are to them and how much you care for them to do what's right.  Otherwise, the things they do wouldn't hurt so bad.

    I don't get why people have lost all the hope in these ties that bond people anymore.  Family is one of the major foundations to our society.  We've got to start getting back to these basic principles and quit worrying about things that pass, like money.

    It's gotten to where talking about things like love, family bonds, friendship, and all those things have become uncool or something.  His sister is messing up, for sure.  But she still deserves to be forgiven and offered back in when she realizes her mistake.

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  • bojinxbojinx Member Posts: 172

    I would ask your parents to refinance their mortgage, that is way to high for a mortgage payment.  Also,  most banks are willing to help out, simply because the bank will not get any money if it is foreclosed most likely the bank will be more than happy to make an alternative payment plan if the home owner shows they are willing to pay off a debt. 

    By blacklisting your sister you are stooping to her level, you are to good of a person.  Keep in mind your sisters family may be drowning in debt but are blinded with vanity and want to keep up with the Joneses. 

     

  • Rikimaru_XRikimaru_X Member UncommonPosts: 11,718
    Originally posted by gnomexxx

    Originally posted by Teala


    Also there is no such thing as blood bonding family members especially when money is involved.

    That depends on the family.  I would give my life and all my money for any of my family members.

    I have a feeling that his sister is just going through a stage, a pretty selfish one no doubt, but one that will hopefully pass.  Don't give up on family.  You can get really pissed off at them sometimes, but that's only because of how close you are to them and how much you care for them to do what's right.  Otherwise, the things they do wouldn't hurt so bad.

    I don't get why people have lost all the hope in these ties that bond people anymore.  Family is one of the major foundations to our society.  We've got to start getting back to these basic principles and quit worrying about things that pass, like money.

    It's gotten to where talking about things like love, family bonds, friendship, and all those things have become uncool or something.  His sister is messing up, for sure.  But she still deserves to be forgiven and offered back in when she realizes her mistake.

     

    You pretty much explain what my post is about. You don't give up on family and there are certain thing that they just don't see eye to eye on and won't jump in, but you love and care is still there for them.

    -In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
    |
    RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos

  • bananajoebananajoe Member Posts: 82

    Wait a second, they bought a house for almost one million, got cars which are over 60-90.ooo and cant help your parents with at least a small part of the 80 thousand ? Well maybe they have debts and thats the reason they cant help ?

     

    Family... heh. Kind of fucked.

    Today, it's all about the money.

    Well, thats a part of the american way of life which i really dont like and is not an archetype and it spread all over the planet ...family goes first always, especially if you parents need you..they did raise you up, without them you are nothing.

     

    different story:

    Btw iam sure similar cases will happen even more in 2009, the financial crisis is just really bad and loads of elder people loose or lost their savings/housing for retirement.  I remember when i was a child, my mums aunt did live in the US for some decades and she lost her retirement too, ended living in a caravan until she died with over 90. Sad stories..but this will happen more often now and in the future, in europe and in the us.

  • billiebillie Member UncommonPosts: 400

    29% is asinine ! You realize that is nearly doubling the cost of the "retirement" home EVERY three years?
    1. HOW long have your parents been defrauded by that insane mortgage? There are certainly refinance plans to assuage that excessive scam interest. I think 29% is credit card interest for people with very low credit scores.

    2. How do you know your sister's family situation is not as bad, do you also intent to manage their finances while you can barely manage your own, much less your parents?

    3. Obviously the "retirement home" is no longer practical. Especially since your parents may no longer be alive 10 to 30 years down the line. How come their "retirement" planning does not cover living expenses. It would seem they should already have a home payed off having worked all their lives unless like idiots still owing us$80K into a thief mortgage intended to finance a us$200K home on social security checques!

    4. Your concern is your parent's problem. You are transferring that grief onto not your broke sister, but the other one while they are trying to manage their own family and life! What happens when the parents health declines and medicare no longer agrees to cover "experimental treatment"? You are blaming your sister because she is not living up to your expectations? You have that sayso on how her family should manage their lives? get over yourself, or at least present the complete picture.

    5. What kind of idiocy is it to try and forcefully obligate your sister to be party to a additional never ending 29% mortgage? Guilting her to be party to just paying the never ending interest is a fraud. The problem is that idiot mortgage! You are paying for the house every three years and never actually getting ownership! How many times have your parents so far payed for that house and are now just putting profits into the pockets of the bankers??
    29% on 80K is about us$23,000 so you want your sister's family to just throw away most of that just paying the interest and your parents will be no closer to owning that "retirement home"? You can not see how foolish that is to just burn us$23K and the problem will be the same next year and the next and the next and then having thrown away us$92,000 they will STILL owe that us$80K ?!

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  • OracleusOracleus Member Posts: 133

    money changes everything it really affects the mind of every people of course money and riches is tempting even your family will turn back on you when there is money or riches behind it, however family is the most important gift you have recieved from God specially the one who is really loving and supportive family, blessing showers on the family that stays together no matter waht happen and keeping in touch with God as their Driver.

  • zoey121zoey121 Member Posts: 926

    There are free organzations that help people with debt and their finicial situation. I would look online to one of the free programs out there and foundations that help folks that are upside down on their morgatage.

     While you mentioned their retirment home does that mean it is a vacation or 2nd home?

     Obviously the idea would be to try and refinanice it . If it is their second home sell it.

      I would highly suggest credit counsling for your parents. Finding a much smaller place for them to live,

       While family is family there is little hope of you ever seeing those funds again. If you co sign for them for a new place there is a chance you will be left holding the bag can you afford it?

     So steps to take are , find a foundation or free credit service that can help your parents restructure their debt

      Help them find a company to re finaince

      If 2nd residence and not primary residence Sell

      There are folks that like to show and live the show. Maybe some day your sister will learn. In mean time if you are doing well do not feel guilty. While i know you would hate to see your parents on the street. They have to accept repsonisblity for their actions and change accordingly

     I also am willing to bet if the sis is a name brand person she will still go get that designer clothes purse but i am also sure that her debt load is something that would most likely scare the ebbie jibbies out of you

  • WickershamWickersham Member UncommonPosts: 2,379

    To the OP:

    You can love someone without giving them a portion of your life savings.

    Being family doesn't mean being an open wallet.

    Love and money are not interchangeable commodities.

    Be angry at your parents because your sister has done nothing wrong.  She didn't force them to buy a house they couldn't pay for did she?

    It's a house - not a life saving operation, and at the interest you'll be paying, you'd be better off having them move in with you.

    To the rest of you:

    Since when does having children give you the right to use them for personal gain at their expense?  Were you born to serve your parents interests and not your own?

    "The liberties and resulting economic prosperity that YOU take for granted were granted by those "dead guys"

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