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My girl left me.
Urdig
Member Posts: 1,260
3 months ago the love of my life moved back in with her parents, and I've been falling apart ever since.
Every morning at 10 after 7, 10 minutes after she gets to work she calls me. We talk for half an hour until I have to leave for work. An hour after I get to work she calls me again and we talk for a bit. When I try to tell her that I have to go I have things I need to do she pouts for me to not go, and will try and keep me on the phone. She will call me on average every hour and a half to two hours, every day, mon. thru fri. She will drive quite a distance to my work on her lunch break to spend 15 to 20 minutes of her hour lunch with me, often getting back to work herself late.
She says that she wants to be friends, when I try to tell her that I can't be just her friend with the way that I feel for her, and that if all she really wants is to be my friend then we can't talk like we do; that I need to be able to get over her and I can't do that if I spend half my work day on the phone with her. She gets very upset at the idea that I won't talk to her. She WILL NOT stop calling, and I CAN NOT stop answering when she does.
I tell her that I love her, and she will tell me that she loves her friend. She tells me that I am her best friend and that she misses me. She also wants to continue having sex with me, something else I can't say no to.
I am falling into a rather deep hole of depression and I am becoming increasingly scared that I wont be able to pull my self out if she doesn't come home soon. I have tried to explain to her that our current situation is not a healthy one for me, that it is making things very difficult when I come home to this house that still has pictures of her on the walls, and some of her belonging; even her cat (because she took mine and left me hers).
She won't call me outside of work, and she only comes by once or twice a week, at least after the hours of 4 pm. She will beg me to leave work early or to call out, something I did last tuesday because she cried for half an hour for me to stay home so that she could leave work and see me for a bit, she said that her stomach was bothering her, it was an excuse.
I can't afford to pay the bills on my own throught the winter, my car needs repairs after a rather seriouse accident a few months back and wont pass inspection at the end of January unless it's fixed. I can't afford to fix it, so I won't have a car in a few months.
She says she's over me, but doesn't act like it between 7 am and 4 pm.
I am confused, and can't seem to let go no matter how hard I try. I don't know what to do anymore.
Wish Darkfall would release.
Comments
I'm gonna give you the hard cold truth.
It's over and she is playing games. You have to find something else to entertain you to get over someone. I would never tell a guy I like to take time off work just to see me because my stomach hurt, it's pretty princess behavior and you shouldn't put up with it. This will go on as long as you let it. I had a hard breakup too. One ex I was living with decided he wanted out when all the bills were due and I wasn't working. He took the only vehicle that was running and left me with a crapload of payments to make and I was still in college. You have to unplug your phone and move on. You can't talk to them until the romance subsides. If they are your friend, they would wait - otherwise f'em. It's your life and you have to take back control of it. The problem with loving one thing more than anything else is when it leaves your side - you want it back. Find something else to love - and be physical because it will wear you out into sleep. Go to parks to see nature and get over her. You had a life before you met, time to remember that and go back to building it. Someone new always comes along. Now you think you couldn't want another but you can get over it, just wait until the new person shows you what true companionship is about and loves you back. It's much more fulfilling.
That's my advice.
Sorry to hear it.
It sounds like your girl is confused about her feelings towards you. I would say give it time to let her figure out her feelings for you but 3 months is long enough.
It's gonna be hard but it sounds like you have to move on if she isn't re-committing to you by now. You may have to take a tougher stance on her calling you all the time so you can get on with your life.
Hope it works out one way or another.
well i would play games with her, shes bein quite a bit of a tease. Like when she calls, have a female coworker or any female at all pick up the phone for you. Dont answer her phone calls, and she might see how much she loves you when your not always around. Its VERY odd for an ex to call every half hour every day.....(i hope yu exaggerated).... i mean it seems like she still loves you but, i dunno, have you even met the other guy? But anyways i would not be so easily to reach if i were you. And when you are reached say half the time another girl answers. If she doesnt realize she loves you, then move on. If she does realize she loves you, then good news!
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sounds like she is keeping you as a back up plan in case the new guy she is seeing during normal hours dont work out.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
In my experience, women in general end up regretting decisions they make hastily, especially on a comparison basis. They never forget a good relationship, as many men don't either. It's just the nature of the beast. When you date a good person, you always use that relationship as a basis of comparison, and when she realizes that you treated her in some ways, the way only you could treat her, she'll regret it even more. It seems like she's weaning herself off of you and trying to find something different, but comparable.
I would sit at home and watch Swingers a couple times, (one of my favorite movies when I break up with a woman) and get back on that horse when I feel ready.
In the mean time talk to her but don't do anything else. Hold your ground, you need to move on just as bad as she feels she needs to. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? You wouldn't, and when you learn that she won't want you until you realize you CAN move on, then you'll work towards moving on in a much healthier way.
Like the others, shes playing games. Women do this when they think they have more power than they really do, its up to you to make her wake the fuck up and realize you arent just some pawn.
"There's no star system Slave I can't reach, and there's no planet I can't find. There's nowhere in the Galaxy for you to run. Might as well give up now."
Boba Fett
I'd say walk away. If she was a real friend she wouldn't do this stuff to you. Like the others said, she's keeping you on the back burner just in case. When shit hits the fan with the other guy she will use you as a crutch until she finds someone else.
In this case, I'd just get out of the house after work. Go do stuff you like, I'm sure there's plenty of women around that might enjoy the same things you like. While you're at work just reduce the amount of time you spend talking to her or even just stop answering. Talking as friends once or twice a week is cool, but every day multiple times is a bit much. If this feels so bad just make it stop. The natural thing to do when you're in a bad situation is to get out of it in any way you can. Go hang with your friends and get your cat back.
If all else fails just go eat a pie. Pie is good for just about all that ails you.
No required quests! And if I decide I want to be an assassin-cartographer-dancer-pastry chef who lives only to stalk and kill interior decorators, then that's who I want to be, even if it takes me four years to max all the skills and everyone else thinks I'm freaking nuts. -Madimorga-
Set down the guidelines... Say and mean it aswell that if this isn't going anywhere, then there is no point in you two anymore. You yourself already know the problems you are receiving from this, change it...
~Greatness~
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No offense but all this "love of my life" business makes you sound more like a girl than a guy.
Grow some balls and dont give a shite and just shag someone else tbh.
Dude- grow a pair and don't answer when you see it's her calling. Don't ever talk to her again. Don't give an explanation. Don't worry what anyone else will think. Just stop it. You are tormenting yourself. If you continue down this path- the one where you don't become a man- women will walk all over you your entire life. Do you understand me? Then do it. Now.
Hope you got your things together. Hope you are quite prepared to die. Looks like we're in for nasty weather. ... There's a bad moon on the rise.
Sounds like a full blown bitch messing with you like that, who the hell she think she is? I'll give you some straight up advice - ignore her for a while, we'll see how she really feels after a month.
O_o o_O
Just cut her loose. It's going to hurt, and it's going to hurt bad, but you need to cut her loose. Give her the cat back, get a new phone, and ask your work not to let her on the premises (sp?). Smash those pictures, too, because that is going to help loads with stress relief. Seriously, just do it.
Because if you stick with this, it's only going to end bad. She's running around in circles playing grab-ass, and all it's going to do is waste years of your life you could otherwise spend more productively elsewhere.
I don't suggest "more balls", because that's not you, but just learn to realize that you need to do what needs to be done at times, even if it sucks, even if it hurts.
Easy solution
Move on and find another to serve you.
It's really easy to say "grow some balls" or "just get over it" when you're not in a situation like this. Really, everyone knows how hard something like this when you're the one involved.
There's really two ways you can go about it bro. You can either "burn the bridge behind you" or you can break things off without severing the relationship. I'll talk about both.
By burning the bridge, I mean you literally leave no hope of going back to this girl. Tell her off, and really tell her how you feel. Tell her not to call back, tell her she hurt you, and tell her you never want to see her again. Don't answer when she calls, and don't go to the door if she comes over. When you go home, take all your pictures out of the frames (cuz frames are expensive
) and burn the pictures. Don't talk about your problems to your coworkers, because that shows you're weak. Call up that chick at work that you've flirted with a time or two or maybe saw walking around class. The object here is to totally remove her from your life, any potential of being in your life, and moving on.
If you still have feelings for the girl, then this step may be something better. Just to be honest, she's probably seeing another guy. I've played girls like this; heck I've been played like that too! Like the other perspective, you need to tell her to stop calling, coming over, etc. Don't tell her off, but just tell her how you feel. Remember, you love this girl. Tell her that she chose this, and if this was what she really wanted then she needs to do it the right way. But, leave the door open for her to come back. Tell her something like "If you want to talk to me sometime, about us, come over to my house and tell me." Girls hate having to fess up to their mistakes, especially if it involves face-to-face interactions. If she does this, then she's truly sincere. In the meantime, take your pictures down and store them in your closet or something. You're not going to stop thinking about her, but you need to somewhat remove her from your life. It's just simply not healthy for you. Do something you enjoy doing to help you think about other things. Like playing games?--do that. Go buy the first season of Heroes and watch it. You need time, and she needs time. She may come back, and you guys work it out. If she decides not to come back, you'll still be in a better situation.
I could just say grow some balls, but it seems like you're looking for a more idealistic answer. Bottom line, she chose this, so make her go through with it. But remain honest. If you're really up to letting her come back, let there be room for it. Good luck bro.
It's really easy to say "grow some balls" or "just get over it" when you're not in a situation like this. Really, everyone knows how hard something like this when you're the one involved.
There's really two ways you can go about it bro. You can either "burn the bridge behind you" or you can break things off without severing the relationship. I'll talk about both.
By burning the bridge, I mean you literally leave no hope of going back to this girl. Tell her off, and really tell her how you feel. Tell her not to call back, tell her she hurt you, and tell her you never want to see her again. Don't answer when she calls, and don't go to the door if she comes over. When you go home, take all your pictures out of the frames (cuz frames are expensive
) and burn the pictures. Don't talk about your problems to your coworkers, because that shows you're weak. Call up that chick at work that you've flirted with a time or two or maybe saw walking around class. The object here is to totally remove her from your life, any potential of being in your life, and moving on.
If you still have feelings for the girl, then this step may be something better. Just to be honest, she's probably seeing another guy. I've played girls like this; heck I've been played like that too! Like the other perspective, you need to tell her to stop calling, coming over, etc. Don't tell her off, but just tell her how you feel. Remember, you love this girl. Tell her that she chose this, and if this was what she really wanted then she needs to do it the right way. But, leave the door open for her to come back. Tell her something like "If you want to talk to me sometime, about us, come over to my house and tell me." Girls hate having to fess up to their mistakes, especially if it involves face-to-face interactions. If she does this, then she's truly sincere. In the meantime, take your pictures down and store them in your closet or something. You're not going to stop thinking about her, but you need to somewhat remove her from your life. It's just simply not healthy for you. Do something you enjoy doing to help you think about other things. Like playing games?--do that. Go buy the first season of Heroes and watch it. You need time, and she needs time. She may come back, and you guys work it out. If she decides not to come back, you'll still be in a better situation.
I could just say grow some balls, but it seems like you're looking for a more idealistic answer. Bottom line, she chose this, so make her go through with it. But remain honest. If you're really up to letting her come back, let there be room for it. Good luck bro.
take this guy's advice.
keeperofkeb
Be cold.
If you are not being responded to directly, you are probably on my ignore list.
sort of true, but kinda harsh. nice to see you back though, Urdig!
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As I've always advised; posting some topless pictures of her is a surefire way to get her to call you more often.
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"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." -- Batman
Rikimaru says that girl right there is a swinger. She's playing too much games with you and if she can't understand how you feel then you need to release some time and go and find someone who does. She has you on lockdown (or layaway), checking on you, sex, doing this and that, and you might not know what she is doing on her free time. Put your distance away from the girl so you won't hurt your feelings in the end.
She'll realize what she missed and you will get a chance to speak your tale.
-In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
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RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos
Well put!
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My current Guild Wars character:
Dauthix The Avenger (Paragon/Ranger)
Well put!
VERY well put.
Been there done that. If you truly want adivce here it is. Get the f__k over it. Not to be mean, but this should be plainly obvious to you. Go out, and find a new woman. There are plenty of them out there. Enjoy being single, because one day its going to suck to be with the same woman for 7 years going.
Its not the end of the world. People break up everyday, and it will probably happen to you again. The best thing to do after a break-up is to never see that person again. In fact, that is the only way. You tell this girl you are over her, and you will not see her again. You then hang up the phone, turn it off/unplug it, and get on with your life.
If you don't do this you are inviting pain, frustration, and retardness into your life. You will get no sympathy. It takes courage to do these things, but the sooner the better.