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thread on parenting...

malak118malak118 Member Posts: 221

Hello everyone I have a few questions I would like to ask of you. First of all as I get older i find myself thinking alot about what I would be doing if I had a child, specifically about religion. Now this thread is not about debating religion so much as how would you approach your child about it. For example, if you are an atheist what type of plan do you have for explaining religion to your child? If religious when you chose a church do you think about its environment for the child or is whats good for the goose....? Let me know your experiences I would find that to be of value. 

 

Comments

  • HocheteHochete Member CommonPosts: 1,210

    Having just spent 2 days at my girlfriends house looking after a 6 month old and a 2 year old, I can safely say I'd rather cut my own face off than have children of my own. If I do have kids, I'm going to send them to boarding school for the first 21 years of their lives, then they can return and make money which they'll give to me.

  • malak118malak118 Member Posts: 221
    Originally posted by Hohbein


    Having just spent 2 days at my girlfriends house looking after a 6 month old and a 2 year old, I can safely say I'd rather cut my own face off than have children of my own. If I do have kids, I'm going to send them to boarding school for the first 21 years of their lives, then they can return and make money which they'll give to me.

    ha I hear ya i thought that way to and am i no hurry but someday I may just have to roll with the punches.

  • ifan2kifan2k Member Posts: 42

    Tbh I loathe any parent who forces his or her customs onto one's offspring, from religious views to choices of food. Any Christian who forces his child to become part of the faith is obviously insecure about his/her own beliefs, needing others to believe in the same views to reinforce his/her justification in said beliefs. If I had my way it would be illegal for any mere child to partake in any religious ceremony. Nowadays, all schools (at least in the UK) are required to educate children about all the different religions out there, as well as atheism- and the BBC has to show a balance of scientific and religious programming. So I say lets just let the kids decide for themselves

  • malak118malak118 Member Posts: 221
    Originally posted by ifan2k


    Tbh I loathe any parent who forces his or her customs onto one's offspring, from religious views to choices of food. Any Christian who forces his child to become part of the faith is obviously insecure about his/her own beliefs, needing others to believe in the same views to reinforce his/her justification in said beliefs. If I had my way it would be illegal for any mere child to partake in any religious ceremony. Nowadays, all schools (at least in the UK) are required to educate children about all the different religions out there, as well as atheism- and the BBC has to show a balance of scientific and religious programming. So I say lets just let the kids decide for themselves

    i am not talking about making decisions as to what to believe i just want the child to have experience with religion and community. I think that can be done to a degree that allows room for them to make their own judgments like I have. that government legislation and regulation is more intrusive than you think.

  • defenestratedefenestrate Member CommonPosts: 578

    Originally posted by Hohbein


    Having just spent 2 days at my girlfriends house looking after a 6 month old and a 2 year old, I can safely say I'd rather cut my own face off than have children of my own. If I do have kids, I'm going to send them to boarding school for the first 21 years of their lives, then they can return and make money which they'll give to me.

     

     

  • LackeyZeroLackeyZero Member Posts: 640

    When I was little, oh man did my parents play me, with all those magic (David Copperfield), Santa claus, whatever... Btw, they're buddhist... The only thing my parent did was give me a necklace of a buddha when I was afraid of the dark at night, so that I could sleep... They didn't teach me anything really, and didn't care that I learned anything about buddhism...

    That said... teach them what you want, but first ask yourself, for what reason?

    Edit: Btw, school teaches religion and cultures anyways... In the U.S. where I live anyways...

  • ifan2kifan2k Member Posts: 42
    Originally posted by malak118

    Originally posted by ifan2k


    Tbh I loathe any parent who forces his or her customs onto one's offspring, from religious views to choices of food. Any Christian who forces his child to become part of the faith is obviously insecure about his/her own beliefs, needing others to believe in the same views to reinforce his/her justification in said beliefs. If I had my way it would be illegal for any mere child to partake in any religious ceremony. Nowadays, all schools (at least in the UK) are required to educate children about all the different religions out there, as well as atheism- and the BBC has to show a balance of scientific and religious programming. So I say lets just let the kids decide for themselves

    i am not talking about making decisions as to what to believe i just want the child to have experience with religion and community. I think that can be done to a degree that allows room for them to make their own judgments like I have.



    What I was saying is that I don't think you really need to in the first place, whether you want to or not you will favour one view over another, and the kid might pick up on that. Let the kid learn about stuff on his own, and be there should the kid ever need help, but other than that,  being proactive will most likely lead to the kid growing up with a narrow mind, favouring one view over the other imo.

  • flakesflakes Member Posts: 575

    I am an atheist.I used to be catholic but well...my experience with people of the church and other "catholics" is not what i wanted to be part of.If you talk about god and jesus and how we all should get along..then you should try your best to do just that.In my experiences most catholics i know either are catholic because their parents are..or they are catholic and don't live up to the things they preach about.I do believe in some 'higher' being but nothing like any religion talks about and there's no religion i ever wanna be a part of for the same reasons stated above.

     

    So anyway....i am an atheist my wife is catholic.We got our first child over a year ago.We chose not to give him a "religon".My idea is that if my son get's older and really feels strong about a religion he allways can join that religion anyway.That way when he's about age 16 or older and feels like he wants to be catholic/muslim or whatever religion he feels strong about he will choose it out of reall belief/faith and not because he was given it at birth.

  • Rikimaru_XRikimaru_X Member UncommonPosts: 11,718

    Look, if your religion teaches good morals, even if there is some things that you might not agree with, I'd say go with it. Me, being Christian taught me a lot of good morals concerning elderly, people, etc.

    -In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
    |
    RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos

  • LackeyZeroLackeyZero Member Posts: 640

    Sorry, I'd like to add, I think it's retarded that anyone would need religion to bring people together into a community... I understand people need something similar to bring them together, but that's what hobbies and such are for.

    Parenting is parenting, no religion needed...

    The real world and its consequences are good enough imo...

  • GameloadingGameloading Member UncommonPosts: 14,182

    I will not bring any religion whatsoever in the life my child{ren}. No religious values and bible/quran/any other holy book will be taught to my children. It is inevitable my kid will hear about religion as s/he grows up. If s/he is interested in it, s/he can take a better look at it when s/he is older.

  • Rikimaru_XRikimaru_X Member UncommonPosts: 11,718

     

    Originally posted by LordDarkmist


    Sorry, I'd like to add, I think it's retarded that anyone would need religion to bring people together into a community... I understand people need something similar to bring them together, but that's what hobbies and such are for.
    Parenting is parenting, no religion needed...
    The real world and its consequences are good enough imo...

     

     

    Religion isn't needed in parenting, but it's not "retarded" that it can be used to bring people together. Anything can be used to bring people together and one of the things includes religion (but I think we are on the same page with that one). So religion isn't need for parenting, but at least have a good understanding on why you are atheist so maybe in the future when your child ask about it, you can explain to them. Know your reasons.

    -In memory of Laura "Taera" Genender. Passed away on Aug/13/08-
    |
    RISING DRAGOON ~AION US ONLINE LEGION for Elyos

  • flakesflakes Member Posts: 575
    Originally posted by Rikimaru_X


    Look, if your religion teaches good morals, even if there is some things that you might not agree with, I'd say go with it. Me, being Christian taught me a lot of good morals concerning elderly, people, etc.

    The question is do you need a religion to learn good morals.In my point of view not.I can teach my son the same morals as a christian/buddhist/muslim without the religion itself.

  • MadAceMadAce Member Posts: 2,461

    IMHo a child should be taught a basic set of morals to which he/she should judge everything, even religions.

     

    Of course that set of rules should be mine.

     

    Things he/she should know:

    Quality of life before life.

    All life and every human has value.

    Superiority isn't something absolute, it's only in relation to somzthing elese something is superior. A culture for example evolved in a certain environmentand is probably superior to any other culture in just THAT environment.

    Question everything.

    ...

     

    When I think about it there's actually a bunch of practical rules that apply to real life that are important too.

     

    The only person to give you self-confidence is you.

    Other people's opinions aren't right if they're louder or spoken by more people.

    When in conflict establish objectives that aim only to your self-preservation. Others besides children are irrelevant.

    ...

     

    BTW, I don't live by those rules. They're just awesome in theory.

  • ste2000ste2000 Member EpicPosts: 6,194
    Originally posted by malak118


    Hello everyone I have a few questions I would like to ask of you. First of all as I get older i find myself thinking alot about what I would be doing if I had a child, specifically about religion. Now this thread is not about debating religion so much as how would you approach your child about it. For example, if you are an atheist what type of plan do you have for explaining religion to your child? If religious when you chose a church do you think about its environment for the child or is whats good for the goose....? Let me know your experiences I would find that to be of value. 
     



    Religion is becoming redundant by the days.

    If you are Atheist I would not even bother to explain him what religion is.



    Introduce him to the wonder of capitalism instead, and explain to him how wonderful is to become a lawyer or a company CEO and how much money and happiness can bring to his life.

    Paradise can wait, for what is worth.............

  • BlurrBlurr Member UncommonPosts: 2,155

    I believe you should teach your children about the religion that you believe in. If they decide later on to change their minds, that's fine.

    What I don't agree with is when the child goes to the parents and asks "Which is the right religion?" and the parents say "Go find out for yourself." IMHO that's crap. Religion isn't something to be treated like a homework assignment.

    At the very least you owe it to your children to explore the concept of religion with them, so you can help them understand it instead of just sending them off to gamble on whatever information they happen to read.

    "Because it's easier to nitpick something than to be constructive." -roach5000

  • VampirVampir Member Posts: 4,239

    i am on the fence on this issue.

    One of my problems is in some ways i wrote the book on doing stupid juevenile things and not getting away with it.

    So if i had a son i would just tell him be careful dont drive drunk or become an alcholic, and not exactly stop him from having fun so long as grades are good, he can keep a steady job, and isn't totally a retard, moron, or jerk like a lot of teens.

    If i had a daughter i would lock her in an actual tower except for school which she would have an armed escort at all times with her at all times. Any males who came to see her would have a background check and drug test.

    I know its a double standard but i dont trust guys.

    as for religion i am personally an extremely lapsed catholic.

    image

    98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you''re one of the 2% who hasn''t, copy & paste this in your signature.

  • Varlok91Varlok91 Member Posts: 396

    If I do have children someday, I would introduce them to the religion my (future) wife and I decided upon. He/she would grow up learning that religion not because I feel insecure about my religion, but to introduce him to what I personally believe.

    When he/she gets old enough to decide what they believe (not the age where they don't want to go to church because it requires getting up early) then they can make that decision themselves.

    At least then they can see your view before making a decision themselves. I personally have nothing wrong with people who are different religions or aethiasts(sp?).

    I don't try to impose my beliefs on others because chances are they have heard it all by now. I do however feel that my child should be exposed to whatever I believe (and to hear why I believe it) before being overwhelmed by everyone elses beliefs.

    --------------------------------
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    Laptop (Dell Latitude E6400) - Intel P8400, 2 GIGs of RAM, Intel X4500, Windows XP Professional

  • AnofalyeAnofalye Member Posts: 7,433

    For all the kids that went wrong:

     

    Once the kids reach a point in life (usually around 14), you have to sit down.  Tell them, eyes to eyes, that no matter what you want them to do or not to do, you can't check them all day and all night, that if they want to waste their life or succeed is completely upon them.  You give them the tools they need, you help them, but ultimately, it is THEIR decision, and although you want to help them and convince them to make the right decision, it is ultimately THEIR choice.  Fighting a rebellious kid won't work, never did, never will.

     

    "Good kids", you don't need this talk.  In fact, it would scare them so you better just provide them what they want, support.  Good kids usually need the positive feedback...a lot of it.  While most kids who went wrong, miss some critical positive feedback at a moment or another.

     

    Religion-wise.  My kid will be Catholic but he won't know much about the religion beside what the school told them.  I would tell him that for me it is a cultural thingy and I am mostly believing in the general concepts, not the details, nor the basics.  Catholic is better since you have to check 1 madmonkey instead of 3478440 priests/imans.  I wouldn't encourage religion unless I see my kid lack a focus in life.  If he starts going wrong and grasp at religion as a focus, sure I guess.  Having a driving goal, no matter how silly it is (like the end of all raiding enforcement! ) is very important for an individual; and it could be a lot worser then been religious...as long as there is a limit and common sense and not some dangerous wacko.

     

    See, even if I would feel my kids to be too young to have sex, I rather see them have it in a good surrounding with understanding and teaching about safe sex, then in some back alley...I would definitely try to convince them to take their time and all, but ultimately, it would be their choice if they are teens (before 14, I would almost certainly convince them to wait at least some more, but again, this is almost, can never be a hundred % sure, and it is not like parenting can stop them).

     

    See, a good Dad must first and foremost show life rules to his kids, put limits...and then accept to bend on these limits constantly.  Forgiveness and support...and if they turn unbelievibly wreteched at 18, you kick them out of the house and don't talk to them for a few years cause you totally fail and this is the only thing that might eventually make them understand, maybe, but at 18, it is most likely too late...but you have to try...then, a few years later, reconciliate, they are family, and no matter how much you disagree with them, family is family.  Even in time of "hatred" never turn your back on your family however, if they need help, it is your duty to help them, especially kids.  Dad for life.  You choose your friends, not your family.

     

    That's been said, I am not that bad as I was a kid....it was I who turn my back on daddy for a few years!    But when I was receptive, he was there smiling.  No matter our differences, our disagreements, our differents priorities in life...family is family.  But be warned, you WILL be judge by your kids!  Having a self righteous kid such as I was isn't necessarily that easy!  

    - "If I understand you well, you are telling me until next time. " - Ren

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