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Ever fallen in love through an online video game? Is it easy, sleazy, or just plain cheesy?
Zaxx99
Member Posts: 1,761
I've never "fallen in love" through an online game myself. I can see how it might happen however. The closest I came was playing with a female person (and avatar) in Asherons Call many years ago, then seeing her photo once on the forum boards for our allegiance (guild). We were good friends, and after I knew she looked plenty hot from the pictures I saw, we agreed to make a real world phone call. She lived several hundred miles away and we simply had a few friendly phone calls, and that was about that. No cyber, no love, and certainly no real world meetings.
I do remember during my days of playing Ultima Online in 98 or 99 however meeting a couple of players and just chilling & chatting with them in one of their houses in the game. The chic told me how she had married and divorced in the real world all because of Ultima Online. She told me how she met a guy in the game, they lived pretty close I think, then they married in the real world. Then they both had computers and played together and stuff in the game as they were a real world married couple. Some dude in the game started hanging around them and dungeon crawling with them etc. She went on to tell me how the new-comer always seemed to save her avatars life while her husbands avatar was busy seeking treasure and gold, lol. So anyhow, eventually jealousy consumed her husband because of the in-game friendship being formed between her and the other dude, and so it led to a real world divorce. The other guy she was with when I met them on that single occasion was the new "friend" if I recall correctly. I remember taking this all with a big amount of shock and surprise back then. It could have been bullcrap, who knows, but it was certainly believable, just shocked me to hear it all way back then in my first ever mmo.
My closest relationship that I acquired in any mmo was not a love but rather a very strong friendship with another really cool dude in Asherons call. We leveled up together and spent so many hours hunting and leveling up I couldn't have possibly counted them. We made a good team, as I was a life mage, and he was a swordsman with healing spec'd. I'd heal him in battle while he whacked at the mobs that I had vulned, Then I'd cast life to mana to refresh my mana supply and he'd use his healing kit to heal my health to reduce our downtime. We talked about so much through the game medium and made very good friends. After a year and half or so, when both of us were about level 100 each, he left the game to get married in real life. We and our allegiance and close friends all had a going away party for him at my virtual house the night we said goodbye. I understood his leaving and respected him for it, wished him the best of luck... and honestly I surprised even myself when I discovered my real self getting teary-eyed that evening. After that, he never did come back, and the game was still fun.. but was never quite the same without my old hunting buddy.
My point of telling about my friendship made in the game is to just say that I could certainly understand how close relationships could form in such a game.. especially if they were the opposite sex and you found out that they looked good too, heh.
I'm married now and very happy with two young kids. She really doesn't like mmorpgs very much, but she allows me to play and have my time to a pretty big degree... which is cool by me.
So my question I guess to you is
Have you ever fallen in love through an mmo? If so, what happened in the real world with it? Did you actually meet up in the real world, and if so, how far did you both travel to do so? ...and ofcourse, what happened with it? Are ya married now? Was it Slam, Bam, thank you Ma'am? Was it a path to heart-ache city?
And furthermore, is falling in love in a video game desperate? Is it only for loners who can't meet someone in the real world? Or is it very real and understandable given the right situation?
I myself tend to think that there might be some desperation involved and a whole helluva lot of "fantasy" that might tend to lead to disappointment if there ever was a real world meeting. I also believe however that love can happen and blossom in any medium, and that a love that blossoms in a shared video game experience might be truly great it both parties were real and honest with each other. Hell, I dunno. It is kinda interesting.
What do you think? And has it happened to you?
(Any and all flames at my post here will be totally ignored by myself, so please simply refrain if you don't care to post mature thoughts or experiences)
- Zaxx
Comments
Shoot, here's a poll... why not? Heh.
My problem is I don't know if they are actually a girl or not and what they look like. If I see a girl character in a game. I assume its a guy no matter how they act or what they say. I dont care to even try dating over a game. Although there was this one girl that said her and her girlfriend wanted to meet me in real life after seeing my picture someplace before. I assume it was a lie but I always thought... what if? lol
Not interested in online dating though.
I've had a strong bond with a friend in a few mmo's we've played together.
I'll be frank.. The guys a clutz, standard if there was a anime, he'd be the clutzy guy who gets his group totally screwed 90% of the time.
Heres the thing, he always gets us out of it. Whether healing or being that bastion who takes the brunt of death, the guy redeems himself.
Best online friend I've ever had, I'd venture to say damn near my best friend period. Great guy, passive agressive with a tendency to go crazy on jerks.
Would i get sad if he left mmo's for good? Yeah, I'd probally well up and get sad.
Is that healthy? Probally, I think it would be unhealthy to not care.
Aw well I'm a softy too.
Now love affairs? I've heard of em, but I'd never engage in one. I've seen a few guildies were beautiful girls, that didn't change anything for me at all, except one case, but that just made me dislike her alot, total myspace whoregggg type.
Yes, I fell in love trough the very same Ultima Online the OP was talking too. Well, actually UO was the catalyst, our characters were good friends.. and also both males.
It was the side thing. We started chatting on ICQ and found out to have lots in common (also that "he" was a "she"), one thing leads to another and we decided to meet.
2500 kilometers and I flied there to cold Finland. We had a great week, then she came here, I went there again... and then we decided to move together.
We lived 1 year and half in Italy in my house, but the surroundings were kinda hostile (learning a new language is not as easy as it might sound and almost nobody speaks english in Italy). So we decided to move to Finland, that we did, and we married a year later, in 2005.
And here I'm. no kids yet. a lovely belgian sheperd though, not even 7 months.
I think online relationships can work, but you really need to believe in them. IE: you must be serious and the other person too.
Almost always we are talking long distance here and even if there is a constant contact (trough the game) you must come to terms that you will not see her/him for a gooood while and when you do is just for a few days until you actually move together.
People have had long distance relations since the invention of the mail, though, so it is not a new thing and it has worked in the past. The not in person component, make it easier for certain people and make it possible to discover the real personality of your loved one... so maybe avoiding a marriage based on the looks/superficial knowledge that then turns out bad because you do not really like her/him.
Of course, nothing teaches you about a person than living with her/him, so that is like the first real challenge.
Anyhow.... good luck! I see these relationships growing and growing..
"If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, if you teach him how to fish, you feed him for a lifetime"
Nice!
Thats about all I can say mate, that and grats on the shepard.
Im just a gamer. I usually dont deal with getting to know other people in games all that well even when Im in a guild. To be honest I just dont care that much about other peoples lives. Now Im not saying Im an asshole to people just the opposite actually. I treat everyone with respect until they prove they dont deserve it. I just dont want to know about their personal life. I dont care if you are married, divorced or any where in between. I dont care if you are a guy playing a female toon or the other way around and I really dont care if you are gay or straight. Why people feel the need to tell me these parts of their life is beyond me. I just want to play a game.
I hate voice chat (vent, teamspeak..etc) For some reason people get on these things and feel the need to tell everyone some of the most intimate parts of their lives. Why? I have no clue. Im here to kill a damn dragon not hear about your life. Once again to be honest I just dont care. I want to relax and enjoy the limited time I have to play games.
If you are one of those people that finds love or whatever in a game good for you I guess. Im not saying its wrong or right. Im not going to pass judgement on you its your life and your choices. Just keep your personal drama out of the game. I play games to escape my own reality and I dont want to be forced in to yours.
I suppose what's really remarkable about it to me is that we first became close because of behavior I wouldn't ascribe to a female gamer. I mean, we were both really into pvp, we were both big shit talkers, together we were just a terror. For the first little while, our friendship kind of evolved from being the "bullies" or "lowlifes" or whatever you want to call it of our faction. We ganked relentlessly, we killed quest npcs together.....we kind of fueled each other, I guess, because neither of us was really all that bad seperately. We made a great team in world pvp, and the better we got the more we flaunted our shit. It was just awesome to have someone you could be totally shameless with, I suppose.
So one day my friend got temp-banned for verbal harassment, lol. Well, the situation was basically this: she was roleplaying with a group of friends when some random idiot came by and started to spam random shit in /yell. She sent him some choice words, he reported her, oh well. I didn't really feel like playing without her, so we decided to spend a relaxing evening together just chatting by way of IM, swapping music, whatever. Ended up staying up together until 6 in the morning and learning so much about each other.....it was that night that I found out she was a she. It wasn't really a big deal to me, though like I said I was pleasantly surprised. But when we got to talking, talking about our lives, interests, opinions, etc, we realised that we had alot more in common than either of us ever could have imagined. I mean, it went beyond having things in common. It was like I found the perfect counterpart, a female version of myself. She expressed the same sentiment, actually, she said it first. We didn't log onto WoW for a full week after that, just spent long sleepless nights IMing, sharing music, enjoying each other's company. It was heavenly, I've never felt so at ease and completely content with anyone in my life.
IMing soon turned into ventrillo sessions, which eventually lead to the swapping of pictures. She's gorgeous....I mean, really, a beautiful young lady. That knocked me on my ass....you never expect the good looking girls to be gamers man.....
Needless to say, we got to that point where we were just head-over-heels for each other. She became so much more than a friend to me, she was my inspiration, my validation, in ways I can't even begin to explain. Things got hot and heavy, there were phone calls, there were meetings, I was happy. I mean, I was really, really happy.
Eventually, we went our seperate ways, which I think we were both expecting. There were things keeping us apart, complications in both our lives, and it came to the point where we made the decision to part on good terms, rather than allow things to go sour. It was a strange end, because neither of us really wanted it at all. I think in the end we were both far too afraid to ruin what we had, far to cautious, too guarded. We chat from time to time, sporadically, when one of us really needs someone to talk to. Our relationship still is, and always will be, on that level. Though we live seperate lives, we are still in each other's hearts, and I think that's the way it will always be. Maybe one day we'll both reach the point in our lives where we can get into a commited, long term relationship. I'm not sure that will ever happen, but really, it doesn't matter. Knowing that she's out there, living and breathing, doing her thing, is enough for me. Having someone like that out there in the world has given me a degree of contentment I find difficult to explain. I've found my soulmate, I'm happy.
afterthought: I think we all have that "special someone" out there. Chances of finding that someone in your own city or town are pretty slim. Being online give you access to millions of people you would never meet otherwise, people who share your interests, your passions, your ideals. Isn't it natural then that so many people have found their significant other online?
"Speaking haygywaygy or some other gibberish with your mum doesn't make you foreign."
-baff
Hello all,
Well I used to play EQ1, Started back in 2000, played a Druid (Yep always too many Druids) being new in the game and finding a nice smallish guild I joined up and not long after that another Druid came along. A FEMALE one! and thought damn another ruddy Drood! and my chances of proceeding along the lines of advancement slightly dashed as they were higher level than I at the time. Anyways, being a friendly sort of chap I am, I always saw her at Ice Giants pharmig plat (I find that sooooo boring) I used to get my Avatar to wave and say hi everytime I ran past and never once did she reply, I thought what a Bi*ch!.
Then one day she replied. And we started chatting, weeks later we started duoing mobs together and finding out we both lived in Australia, was great to know someone in the same country. Well as time went by I thought I would bring up asking about talking on the phone number as we had become good friends and thought I would like to actually talk to the person I played with and chatted via text. So she braved the question and gave me her number, That night I ran and we chatted for hours. Well time went by and I was offered to visit, So took the chance and flew interstate to meet her. Arrived and we hit it off from day one, My holiday was for 2 weeks and ended up staying 6 weeks LOL. Well being I didnt have much keeping me where I was living. I decided to take the chance and move down and see how things go.
That was 7 years ago now, and as of March this year we have now been married 3 years and our son was born on 23rd Dec 2006. So all in all, It can work for some people, For me it did and I could'nt be any happier. And though we don't play Eq1 anymore it is still a favorable memory for both of us.
Cheers
Tanvaras
I live in NY, my girlfriend is from Vancouver BC. We met in WoW and we've been seeing each other for 2years now, she'll be moving to NY in 2 months
She's a sweetheart, and hot as hell to boot (no exaggeration).
I used to think it was desperate, I never was a hardcore WoW player, spent most my time chatting with people and the thought of meeting somebody never crossed my mind until I met her! But if you think about it, the world we live in now is all about the internet and high-speed communication, what once may have been deemed for the desperate (finding mates online) seems to have fallen in with the inevitable integration of the internet in to our everyday lives.
I do feel if you find yourself connected with somebody, it's not such a bad thing to trust your heart.
FFXI: Gauhar - Odin
Damn thats funny.
I fell in love with someone i met in a FPS called Delta Force believe it or not. She was allways playing on my server, and i asked her to join my squad. We exchanged icq's, started chatting more often, i found out she was a girl, both bought webcams and eventually arranged meetings etcetera. Lasted a good year, so i don't see why something like that is not possible if your not open to it.
Everyone on the internet is male until proven otherwise.
Feel in love, moved 6000 miles to the US, got married and have a 6 year old son who now plays Online games with his mom and dad.
I had mostly give up on the whole Dating thing all I seem to meet were drunks and Psycos (I lived in the UK go figure), not sure why but I guess if you meet the right person no matter if its in a game or in a Supermarket it just works, the only fights my wife and have is whos got the better Rig, or who loots what from the Mob.
E-dating is huge right now, I know I would of never had the balls to put my pic on one of those sites but I have friends that do and are very happy with the results, I guess the Internet just makes the Dating pool much much larger, before it was meet someone in a club/bar, or a friend of a friend, but still they were about 100 Radius, now you have the world as long as you don't mind 36 hour journeys to get to see the one you love hell you can date anyone, anywhere.
So all in all I say love over the internet is a good thing
Even before UO, back before there were pixels involved I knew a couple who did get married over the internet. They met on a mud the 3 of us played together. The man was from Norway and the girl was from Vancouver, Canada. Eventually they decided to meet and since we all knew each other I offered to let him stay at my place on his way to Vancouver. Actually we had folks in our guild pitch in and offer a spare room here and there along his route (there were about 200 of us all over the world.) Eventually my friend made his way to canada and to this day the two of them are still married, over 15 years later.
So, yeah, it happens. And I think it's actually easier in some ways to fall in love online than it is in person. Generally speaking when you meet online folks tend to be a bit less guarded. So you get to know them better than you would in person. Especially right at first. So yes, it's pretty natural for people to connect, via any form of communication.
Currently Playing: Dungeons and Dragons Online.
Sig image Pending
Still in: A couple Betas
I've seen it happen with other people, but it is always a mystery to me how it happens. I've hit it off with different people and made some good friends through other online media, but not in games. I even met my husband online, back in the day, but we never carried our relationship out online. It went immediately to real life, as it was a 5 minute drive from his house to mine, so we didn't have to. As far as relationships in MMORPGs, I haven't really had even a friendship that ever transcended the game, sadly.
I actually enjoy hearing about people's real lives. A character is a pretty one-dimensional set of abilities and stats. Even when you're roleplaying, the character that a person is playing out is almost never as interesting as the real person sitting in the chair behind it. I find that being sociable is far more rewarding than just playing the game... So you'd think I'd be a good candidate for finding friends (or more) out there. But you'd be wrong, it seems.
Anyway, Easy, Sleazy or Cheesy? It can be any of those, depending on the people involved. I think it is kind of sweet and romantic when it works out though.
...
This is where I draw the line: __________________.
I doubt it. I'd have to meet them in real life before I could get past the idea that it is all a clever sham by a lonely forty year old man. Also I'm a nasty, paranoid, secretive person. So I wouldn't give them pictures of me anyway.
_____________________________
SWG- (retired) 2 year vet.
WoW- (retired) 3 year vet.
EQ2- (retired) 1.5 year vet
Waiting for:
AoC // WAR // Darkfall
If you fall in love in an online video game....you need to do the following:
1. Step Away From Your Computer
2. Clean up the empty Mountain Dew cans and empty hotpocket packets from your desk.
3. Turn off your computer
4. Take a shower
5. Gather up the cloths you have piled on your floor...even the stiff socks.
6. Wash the cloths
7. Shave, get dressed
8. Go to a local bar, strip joint, or even the Mall and assosiate with people and forget about the online world for a week.
Well, I don't dispute that people can meet and fall in love in online games, there's plenty of stories around of it happening.
However, I think people who do meet in this way should really take a long look at themselves and their lives. If you're spending that much time playing a game and getting to know someone purely through a text medium that you can make some of the long term life decisions people are clearly making, then something somwhere is desperately wrong.
Can already sense the flames coming but that really is my view. Gaming is for fun and unwinding but no replacement for a social life so if I want to meet people I'll get out of the house and do it.
CoH/CoV - D-Zol/Kinslayer
Auto Assault - Slayer
WoW, LOTRO, DDO - Kinsul
Matrix Online - Tempest
Welcome to 2007. Girls play games.
Meeting someone online and then falling in love offline is great, and perfectly healthy - the implication that it's okay to randomly hit on people at a bar is healthy and normal, whereas meeting someone online is weird is both out-dated and technophobic.
Falling in love with someone purely on the basis of their actions in a game is called infatuation. Create a relationship (in the general sense) online, meet in person, and see what happens.
Who am I?
@Lorechaser on CoH
Badjuju, Splinterhoof, Plainsrunner on WoW (Moonrunner)
Shyy'rissk on SWG (Flurry)
ClockworkSoldier, HE Pierce, Letnev on Planetside
Gyshe, Crucible, Terrakal on DDO
And many more.
I had a friend once who spent a lot of time for a while hanging out (in-game) with a married woman that he had met while we were playing WoW. I warned him that she was looking for an affair and it was no good, but he just wanted to be nice, I guess. Anyways, they would occasionally see movies together and such, pretty harmless stuff, but she was still (unhappily) married and wanted to fix that problem. Eventually, though, the problem fixed itself as she sent my friend an in-game whisper to tell him she wasn't interested anymore because he "played WoW too much." LOL
Having said that, how is it any different than meeting someone while playing tennis or while playing in the park? Lack of physical presence doesn't make the interactions any less meaningful. If anything, it allows you to reach out to people who would otherwise be out of reach, whether for bad or for good. I take my gaming very seriously, and I expect other people to take me seriously as well. As a previous poster said in their reply, "it would be unhealthy not to care."
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Control is an illusion!