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Hello, my name is Ichben Einberliner and I am a loser. I've known it for a long time now but I did not want to admit it. I did not want to see the truth, but baby, I see it now, and let me tell ya, the truth hurts. It hits you in the gut and never stops.
It took the departure of my darling World of Warhearts to see this painful fact. And at the same time, while my soul is crying my red daddy is laughing, and laughing hard. He enjoys this you know. He enjoys seeing people suffer. He enjoys seeing them bleed from the inside out. To him it is all a show and we are dancers who's only purpose in life is to entertain him all night long.
What a sad story. Who would want to read such a book? Who would want to even pick it up? I bet he would, oh yes I am sure of it. *sigh* oh well, time moves on and life follows in its wake.
I am masterbating again. I do not know if that is good or bad. I did not pleasure myself in this manner when my sweetheart was by my side. She would pleasure me all by herself and let me tell ya, she was amazing. The things she could do with her features would blow your mind. She was one of a kind, a diamond in the rough. She made me smile and scream in ecasty as I reached my climax and lay exhausted in my bed.
Now a days I lay alone feeling cold and alone. The fire is no longer in my eyes, the steam is no more. All the is left is an empty shell and no warm body to fill it. Nowadays I look out of my window and admire the stars. I know this may sound crazy, but it seems like the stars are talking to me, or at least trying to tell me something, something important...but what?
Sometimes I think I know, but I just can't put my finger on it and this frustates me to no end. Was I something special in another life? Was I a protector of the peace? A defender of a long lost galaxy? This, I do not know, but the feeling I get when I look at the stars in the twilight darkness tells me otherwise. It is a feeling I get when I least expect it. I feel it in my bones and I feel it in the earth below. This sensation, this feeling, gives me strength, it gives me the courage and heart to go on.
It gives me so much power and so much strength that maybe, just maybe, it will enable me to defeat my most hated enemy, the infamous, Crimson King. And maybe, just maybe, I will get my sweetheart back and things will be better. Life would be brighter and my heart would feel lighter.
But than as suddenely as it had came the feeling would fade away. And all the power I had would simply vanish. I think to myself "How can I keep this power? What do I have to do to be the man I want to be? What is keeping me from reaching my full potential?
I ask myself these questions hoping for a burst of insight, but of course in situations like these, no answer ever comes. So I lie in my bed and hope for a peaceful rest. "I know I am special" I tell myself. I know I belong in a better place with better people. But for now I remain a loser. And that my friends is the truth.
This thought depresses me deeply and I think about wacking myself to sleep, as I have done thousands of times before, but I hold back. Why? This I do not know. Could it be pride? No...losers don't have pride, or do they? Or is it something else that holds me back? Something that is greater than me, or even the red demon himself?
One thing I do know is I am a survivor. I am also a fighter, not a great one, but I am getting there. And when I do, a new life will open its eyes and welcome me with open arms.