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A Noble Nerd

ANobleNerdANobleNerd Smyrna, GAPosts: 2Member

 

There once was a knight named Vain,
Who posted forever the same:
“Your opinions are bad, my guildies are rad,
May never another complain!”

Across the great forums he rode,
Banished the whiners from every abode.

Atop one hill he rose to speak:
“It’s totally clear your will is weak!
Learn to play, this game is great!
Else you’ll meet a similar fate!”

“But wait!” cried one—a forum denizen:
A local scribe, a genius named Tennyson.
“I see a flaw, a careless error.
Metrics raw, the game’s not fair or—”

“Back I say!” Vain declared,
From Tenny’s conviction—he was scared.
“You blight this land with horrid heresy,
For forum land is blessed inerrantly!”

And as he struck him down with Word,
Tennyson lay—a noble nerd.
Succumbed to doctrine that haunts the risen,
Some may call: fanboy-ism.

 

Comments

  • HelleriHelleri Felton, CAPosts: 927Member Uncommon

    It starts out alright. but ironically you loose your metre on line 8.

     

     

    There once was a knight named Vain,.....................8
    Who posted forever the same: ..................................8
    “Your opinions are bad, my guildies are rad,.........11
    May never another complain!”....................................8

    Across the great forums he rode,.............................8
    Banished the whiners from every abode...............11

    Atop one hill he rose to speak:.................................8
    “It’s totally clear your will is weak!.............................9
     

    It gets more all over the place from there. What caused it...stay away from contractions like 'it's". They rarely help you stay within metre and almost always mess up the rest of it for you.

    Could be "It is quite clear; Your will is weak!".........8

    Getting away from the temptation to shorten words to make something fit instead of finding another suitable word, will improve your work a lot.

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  • Lovely_LalyLovely_Laly genevaPosts: 734Member

    nice and fun!!!!

    nobody is perfect so all good.=)

    beside I'm agree with you, often if you simply don't like game or something inside game, you can be nothing else, but troll.

    so means all others MUST to love any crap!=D

    try before buy, even if it's a game to avoid bad surprises.
    Worst surprises for me: Aion, GW2

  • HelleriHelleri Felton, CAPosts: 927Member Uncommon

    lol, yeah....it does make a good point.

     

    Little tweaks in your drafts will just make it flow easier when read or spoken. You won't get it all in one sitting (not likely anyways). And, the test of your talent and skill is submission to peer review. More clearly, i am not looking to come down on you. Just seeking to help improve a good thing. Poetry is a good mental exercise and can be very fun.

     

    But, it also a discipline and  has it's structure and schools of thought. And, as it has been said not all poetry is written by poets, and not all poets write poetically....time and practice will make for better. But, if it is ever perfect you have left yourself no where to go.

    image

  • SynthetickSynthetick Portland, ORPosts: 977Member
    Originally posted by Helleri

    It starts out alright. but ironically you loose your metre on line 8.

     

     

    There once was a knight named Vain,.....................8
     

    I'm rusty, but isn't that line above 7?

    image

  • RhinotonesRhinotones BenowaPosts: 238Member Uncommon

    Fantastic!

    I'm not looking for perfection or to critique so I enjoyed it.

    Looking forward to some more and maybe others will add some of their own to this thread.

    image
  • ANobleNerdANobleNerd Smyrna, GAPosts: 2Member
    I appreciate the critical feedback; it is most welcome.
  • borkborkborkborkborkbork Pullman, WAPosts: 2Member
    There once was a man from Nantucket..
  • KurushKurush Irvine, CAPosts: 1,303Member

    I'm curious about the significance of the names.  Are these actual posters on some forum?  Or was Tennyson a literary reference? :P

    Stormed at with flaming /tell

    Boldly they wrote and well

    Braving the stupid text

    Inside their forum Hell

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