If Companions could post to the forums - hilarious thread on SWTOR forum:)

Sevenstar61 · March 2013

I was laughing hard from some responces it seems that C2-N2 and 2V-R8 dominates forums... LOL

few examples:)

By AlaricSevGirl:

Dear Bioware...

Oh no, if my master catches me sending this to you, she will send me out the air lock. Why, oh why, did you give me voice modulation. I can't help but to say something every time she is near me. Do you understand what you've done to me? She's a Sith juggernaut. She threatens to force choke me every time she walks by because she can't stand my incessant chatter. I desperately need to shut up but I can't. I just can't do it. Please help me.

Desperate on the Fury...

2V-R8

or

By LarryRow

Dear Bioware,

Nerf shock collars. Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta get back to Sith business. (Grrr)

-Vette

By Benfynyn

Dear Bioware,

I have had a glorious time locked in a death struggle with those Imperial dogs but I've found that the fights have become less challenging. Therefore I took the liberty to compile a list of (see attached file) of targets worthy of Havoc Squad! With your permission, I will begin planning our campaign of liberation immeidately!

Sincerely,

M1-4X

P.S. For the Republic!

By AlricFassbauer

Dear Bioware,

I'm more than happy to be assigned to help and support the new owner of "my" ship.

However, in order to be able to serve the abovementioned owner even better, I demand the installation of several upgrade routines into my Verbo-Brain, so that I can more readily answer to the owner's wishes.

I ask especially for much better species-specific behaviour-scanning technology, so that I can understand the owner's and his/her companions intentions more clearly.

A crate of Alderaanean Honey for pleasing the owner's nostrils would be nice, too.

Sincerely,

C2-N2

By Slafko

Dear BioWare,

Did I mention I'm a pacifist?

T. Cedrax

By DarthGile

Jaesa (Light):

Dear Bioware,

I think something's wrong with my master. As I train and further enhance my passive clarity, I sense dark-side energy coming from him whenever I do my daily workout. And just the other day, he requested that I bare his children to continue his legacy. I felt dark-side influence when he asked such a request from me. Please help. I do not want to be the reason for my master's fall to the dark side! And I don't even know what I'm doing to cause this! I'm sorry, Bioware. I get caught up in the moment and forget my place. I will be calm about this. *walks away and meditates*

T7-01:

Bioware = maker // Help requested!

T7 + Kira = playing holochess all day long // T7 = always wins // T7 = bored
Jedi = always chooses Doc for dailies // T7 = requests med-unit + kolto-packs for Jedi
T7 + Jedi = unstoppable again!

By Badmoonblood

Dear Bioware,

I am just a lowly smuggler doing the republics will by saving the galaxy and fighting the empire one dirty kick at a time. But, seriously!! I have a few bones to pick with you in regards to the crew I was assigned.
I got a crazy Mandalorian woman threatening my life all the time and then suddenly she flirts with me.
(Looks around the room to see if anyone is there and then whispers into the holovid) I think she may be by-polar!
A hairy side kick that sheds more than my retriever, Buckshot… may his sweet soul rest in peace!
A stuck up princess that lies to me every chance she gets….but she is “HO….double T hott”so I let it slide.
A wanna be Jedi that heals with the force and goes weeeeeeeee all the time when he does something useful!
Oh, let’s not forget the farm boy from Ord Mantel that can’t hold aggro to save “my” life.
I would give all of these companions for one, double blaster wielding, blue “cute” twe-lik that can help me fight the Empire!

Thanks for listening,

The Outlaw Khody!

Reply from Vette:
Vette: Received a request to transfer to a ship whos Captains name is Khoody….All i can say is "Just Ewh"!!!!!!
He stinks of Old Spice and his famous pick up line is like “ did the fall hurt when you fell from heaven” OMG, at least my Sith Master doesn’t use scummy one liners like that and even thou he force chokes me on occasion…….i am kind of into that! He is still better than him. Can you, like, send him that crazy-psycho Kaliyo? She is much more suited to his type!

Sincerely,
Vette

By Asherall

Kaliyo - This user has been permanently banned for breaking several forum guidelines.

Oh just check it out for yourself LOL

http://www.swtor.com/community/showthread.php?t=613299

crabdog · March 2013

Didn't even crack a smile over this. meh

Sevenstar61 · March 2013

Originally posted by crabdog
Didn't even crack a smile over this. meh

Sorry to hear that:)

I guess you have to know all companion to appreciate the humor LOL

Beyorn · March 2013

I liked the T7 one ;D.

Sevenstar61 · March 2013

Few more for those who don't want to check the link:)

Gault: Hey, Eric just want to let you I have been drugging all Mercs to keep them losing, as per our agreement, i'll be waiting for credit transfer. Gault out.

And that made me really laugh

T7= Need help!
Jedi + Kira = Couple
Kira = Ignore T7
T7= lonely
T7 = request vibro upgrade for servo arm
Kira = Like T7 again

My hope is that the Jedi Knight is performing well enough that Kira won't resort to T7's vibro upgrade. Lmao...

And it was not my comment LOL it was DarthGile and some more of his humor:

Dear Bioware,

There is a notorious smuggler aboard my husband's ship. He is the reason for various Hutt-related incidents across the galaxy. He has dark hair, a stupid face, and always has a dumb smirk. I fear that if I try to turn him in myself, my life will be in jeopardy. Please send a battle cruiser and escort this defiant crime-lord off my ship.

Love,
Kira

--
Two days later
---

Dear Bioware,

I was recently removed from my buddy's ship, due to outrageous allegations. I believe that this was a possible hoax, orchestrated by various angry boyfriends during my journeys in the galaxy. Ya see, I don't mean to brag.. but women just tend to obsess over me.. even the taken ones.

I wish to be pardoned of all crimes I did, could have done, or may do in the future. I just cannot fathom how the Republic would accuse such a witty and cavallier combat medic of crimes against the Republic... It's unthinkable! And honestly just plain rude! This could really hurt a guy's image, ya know?

Regards,
Doc

ktanner3 · March 2013

Mine would go something like this..

Dear Bioware

My master is Lord Tyrenneas. I just wanted to send you a thank you letter for the restrictions you have made for the Warrior class. Not long ago I betrayed my master and almost had him killed. He prevaled and assured me that if it wasn't for this restriction, I would be laid up on a gurney made to suffer at his wife Jaesea's whims for all eternity. Thanks to you, I have gotten away with betraying a sith and there is nothing he can do about it. Please make sure that no healer companions are available in the future or I will surely be a goner.

Sincerely

Malavai Quinn

Sevenstar61 · March 2013

Looks like it's my turn LOL

Lets see... my lately experience with JK...

Dear BioWare

I am deeply disturbed by my Master's behavior. As you know recently my master acquired droid HK-51 and from that time not only he refuses to take me or for that matter anybody else on any mission, but I've heard him mutter to himself that droid's the only one with the brain here. I was very hurt by this accusation. When I confronted him, he just said it was 10x easier to do mission with it. I riposted that maybe easier, but not as much fun... for this he and droid just exchanged looks like they had an internal joke about it...

And yesterday I found out that all crew's shirts got painted target markers on their backs. And droid's singing something about deleting troublemakers.... when asked... he said he was composing Opera.... did I just said he??? IT IT IT!!!!!!!!

Please Help Me BioWare!, You are my only Hope.

Kira

Karteli · March 2013

I often wondered if I could eject 2V-R8 into deep space. Maybe if and when the super secret space project gets developed I'll be able to do that ...

While sitting around my ship I also considered putting 2V-R8 into the escape pod and setting it's course for the nearest large star. The extra energy would help provide needed sunlight, so it would be good for the environment too.

Sevenstar61 · March 2013

Servers are down so some more companion posts:

Dear Bioware,

Please stop putting skimpy degrading outfits in the game. I consider myself a tough, serious woman, but my ***** friend seems to enjoy parading me around in as little clothing as possible. It's quite creepy and unsettling.

Sincerely,
Every Female Companion

Dear Bioware;

I am writing to you per Code 77 subsection 2 of the Galactic Republic Military Interplanetary Communication Guideline stating my requisition of higher quality air filters for the BT-7 Thunderclap. Despite C2-N2s best efforts, the droid is incapable of detecting the varied odors of a demolitions expert Weequay, a archaeology obsessed Gand and at time a Male Cathar in heat. Not all the Alderaanin nectar in the known regions could cover up the, to put it politely, smells that drift through the ship from time to time.

Signed
Sgt Elara Dorn: Havoc Squad

And in reply to Karteli comment of the airlock:)

"I am Skadge and I am such a jerk I seriously wonder why that Mandalorian didn't throw me out of the airlock yet! I heard that he would be able to do it in the early 2012. What happened Bioware? I guess I have to thank you."

Dakeru · March 2013

Originally posted by Beyorn
I liked the T7 one ;D.

Indeed that was the only funny one. The rest was just poorly written.

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If Companions could post to the forums - hilarious thread on SWTOR forum:)

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If Companions could post to the forums - hilarious thread on SWTOR forum:)

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