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(Petition) Sympathy for the Champion Cave Troll

Crazy_StickCrazy_Stick Privacy Preferred, NCPosts: 1,059Member

GW2 is a game wrapped with a story of heroism. Yet, we all know and love the champion cave troll of Queensdale. He quietly lives alone as a hermit with grubs in his cave at Altar’s Winding bothering no one. He is poor and under fed with only one thing in the world to cherish. An old runic rock of no value to anyone else. But every day scores of adventurers sneak into his home and STEAL his precious stone. Once he appears to confront the thieves they will throw HIS OWN stone at him, knocking him down on his arse and setting him ablaze with magic fire.

 

And you wonder WHY he goes on a rampage? We then call ourselves the HERO of the story? To compound the issue, after pounding the poor creature into submission said thieving adventurers have the sheer gall to complain that he only dropped middling loot...

 

I tell you that we adventurers have become little more than pixilated bullies. Not a creature of this earth nor of Tyria deserves such abuse at the hands of reckless and anti-heroic youth.

 

I herby petition Arena Net to consider the plight of the champion cave troll. He deserves our sympathy and support for he is FAR more the HERO of this story than either you or I.

 

I thank you for your support in this HEROIC endeavor.

 

-Crazy Stick 1/15/13

Comments

  • KuppaKuppa Boulder, COPosts: 3,292Member Uncommon
    lol is this like Wreck-It-Ralph??

    image


    image

  • nastyjmannastyjman New York, NYPosts: 161Member

    I am one of those misguided adventurers. Curiousity is fatal for the curious cat. I stumbled upon this runic rock, and thought it was nice and pretty. There was no one around, no threat of any sorts, so I grabbed it. The cave troll came out of nowhere. I pleaded, tried to reason with him. To no avail, the troll wanted me for lunch.

    Sadly, there was only one thing to do.

    If the troll could have placed a note or a sign near his runic rock, I would have not dared touch his treasure. I would like to add a proposition to educate the maniacal beasts with reading comprehension, writing skills and social aptitude. If the troll would have said, "Hey, that's mine. Please put it back to where it belongs mister," then I would have obliged.

    Education is a fading craft. Big or small. Smelly or noble. Education should be open for all. I propose that the Durmand Priory should host a workshop, or a mandatory schooling for all sentient beings in Tyria. And if any student gets unruly, the Vigil will be there to hand out punishments.

  • itgrowlsitgrowls newport news, VAPosts: 2,951Member

    You should so post this to the discussion forums in the official forums, there would so not be an infraction for this because it's hilarious. 

    If engineers can carry on a gag January Engineer Patch notes thread you can certainly post this LOL

  • FARGIN_WARFARGIN_WAR New York, NYPosts: 166Member

    SIGNED

    LOL. Yeah I can just imagine that poor troll exploding out of his cave yelling "DAMN KIDS" every time people wake him up.

    image

    If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to smile about when you’re old.

  • Crazy_StickCrazy_Stick Privacy Preferred, NCPosts: 1,059Member
    Originally posted by itgrowls

    You should so post this to the discussion forums in the official forums, there would so not be an infraction for this because it's hilarious. 

    If engineers can carry on a gag January Engineer Patch notes thread you can certainly post this LOL

     Okay, I decided to try posting it in the general forums there too. We'll see. Had to shorten the title. But either way people are covered here. If I get an infraction I am so complaining here. lol...

  • GrayGhost79GrayGhost79 Webster, MAPosts: 4,813Member
    Originally posted by Crazy_Stick
    Originally posted by itgrowls

    You should so post this to the discussion forums in the official forums, there would so not be an infraction for this because it's hilarious. 

    If engineers can carry on a gag January Engineer Patch notes thread you can certainly post this LOL

     Okay, I decided to try posting it in the general forums there too. We'll see. Had to shorten the title. But either way people are covered here. lol.

    Definitely worth posting lol. Got a good chuckle out of it. 

  • VolkonVolkon Sterling, VAPosts: 3,788Member
    Originally posted by nastyjman

    I am one of those misguided adventurers. Curiousity is fatal for the curious cat. I stumbled upon this runic rock, and thought it was nice and pretty. There was no one around, no threat of any sorts, so I grabbed it. The cave troll came out of nowhere. I pleaded, tried to reason with him. To no avail, the troll wanted me for lunch.

    Sadly, there was only one thing to do.

    If the troll could have placed a note or a sign near his runic rock, I would have not dared touch his treasure. I would like to add a proposition to educate the maniacal beasts with reading comprehension, writing skills and social aptitude. If the troll would have said, "Hey, that's mine. Please put it back to where it belongs mister," then I would have obliged.

    Education is a fading craft. Big or small. Smelly or noble. Education should be open for all. I propose that the Durmand Priory should host a workshop, or a mandatory schooling for all sentient beings in Tyria. And if any student gets unruly, the Vigil will be there to hand out punishments.

     

    There is a sign near the rock... he marked the area with his pee. Trolls do that... you should know these things if you're going adventuring.

    Oderint, dum metuant.
    image

  • Br3akingDawnBr3akingDawn a City, CAPosts: 1,356Member Uncommon
    its nice you can kill him every 8min~

    image

  • eye_meye_m Notta Chance, ABPosts: 3,133Member Uncommon
    How come nobody has posted saying that if there was OWPvP, people could rally to his defense?

    All of my posts are either intelligent, thought provoking, funny, satirical, sarcastic or intentionally disrespectful. Take your pick.

    I get banned in the forums for games I love, so lets see if I do better in the forums for games I hate.

    I enjoy the serenity of not caring what your opinion is.

  • ThorkuneThorkune Eastern, KYPosts: 1,828Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by Crazy_Stick

    GW2 is a game wrapped with a story of heroism. Yet, we all know and love the champion cave troll of Queensdale. He quietly lives alone as a hermit with grubs in his cave at Altar’s Winding bothering no one. He is poor and under fed with only one thing in the world to cherish. An old runic rock of no value to anyone else. But every day scores of adventurers sneak into his home and STEAL his precious stone. Once he appears to confront the thieves they will throw HIS OWN stone at him, knocking him down on his arse and setting him ablaze with magic fire.

     

    And you wonder WHY he goes on a rampage? We then call ourselves the HERO of the story? To compound the issue, after pounding the poor creature into submission said thieving adventurers have the sheer gall to complain that he only dropped middling loot...

     

    I tell you that we adventurers have become little more than pixilated bullies. Not a creature of this earth nor of Tyria deserves such abuse at the hands of reckless and anti-heroic youth.

     

    I herby petition Arena Net to consider the plight of the champion cave troll. He deserves our sympathy and support for he is FAR more the HERO of this story than either you or I.

     

    I thank you for your support in this HEROIC endeavor.

     

    -Crazy Stick 1/15/13

    Great read!

  • BeansnBreadBeansnBread PshPosts: 5,498Member Uncommon
    /signed
  • Lovely_LalyLovely_Laly genevaPosts: 734Member

    LOL thanks OP great story!!!=)

    try before buy, even if it's a game to avoid bad surprises.
    Worst surprises for me: Aion, GW2

  • Crazy_StickCrazy_Stick Privacy Preferred, NCPosts: 1,059Member

    Come now and sign your name within this petition thread for the good of all heroes striding the face of Tyria for we are the just! A new EVIL wearing the guise of our fellow man and woman now creeps forth from the Clayent Falls to the cave at Altar’s Winding. Akin to the money grubbing poachers that slip past the dedicated guardsman of the African Plains to slaughter the mighty and peaceful elephant for ivory we now have the Rune Hunters of Claypool! Don’t be FOOLED by the “militia training!”

     

    Much as the elephant’s horns are rendered down into tribal aphrodisiacs only useful in fiction, these wicked tradesmen and women render the troll’s precious stolen rock down into good luck pebbles for the adornment of an adventurer’s weapons. They profiteer from the suffering of an innocent creature drawing hard earned coppers from your pouch for the promise of better performance you will not receive from its use. Yet, we are not OUTRAGED!?

     

    We should band together and demand Arena Net bring the plight of the poor champion cave troll and the unseemly profiteering encouraged by our adventuring economy and the minister of Claypool to the attention of Queen Jennah herself. I hold her not accountable for the actions of unruly ministers allowed into her government by her father but it is time to bring them into line. She seems a just and somewhat comely woman liable to support our cause.

     

    I ask you, have we no HUMANITY left? I took it upon myself to visit with the champion cave troll today and found him in peaceful repose just sleeping like a child tired from a long day. Through the miracle of photography I am able to share this scene with you.

     

     

    See how peaceful he is in nature? The poor creature is a threat to no one. Just ignore the sword mind you as it was uhm... only for the bandits.

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