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How do you deal with gamers with personal problems?

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Comments

  • SovrathSovrath Boston Area, MAPosts: 18,453Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by TwoThreeFour
    Originally posted by Jemcrystal
    (...)

     

    To either I want to be polite but I don't want to hand feed them so they'll keep dishing stress.  Seriously, THERE IS NOTHING A GUILDMATE CAN DO TO SAVE YOU FROM LIFE'S PROBLEMS.  

     

    Actually, just making them believe that you care for at least a moment, may be enough to brighten their day. I don't think anyone demands other people to care or to listen, but I would be suprised if they don't appriciate that at least someone listens for a while even though they cannot do much to help other than listening temporarily.

    That's all well and good but in my experience what happens is you then become their listening post all the time.

    I used to be a patient and supportive Guild Leader with some really good people. We had a few people who had quite a few issues and I ended up being the default supportive ear.

    Instead of them addressing their issues it became a "session" every day.

    At some point it really is the responsibility of the affected individual to seek real help. Or at the very least recognize boundaries and don't constantly dump on people.

  • phantomghostphantomghost Atlanta, GAPosts: 692Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by Lienhart

    Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

    Me, myself and I.

    Whats wrong is the person trying to make somebody feel bad for them.  I know I do not play games because I want to hear about somebody elses problems.

     

    I especially do not want to hear about somebody with no self motivation and a lack of priorites crying about their struggles.

    photo SIG_zpszteuyd0ejpg
  • LienhartLienhart Markham, ONPosts: 635Member
    Originally posted by nariusseldon
    Originally posted by Lienhart

    Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

    Me, myself and I.

    "wrong"? Just a way of life. Don't expect handouts from strangers.

    And we are talking about entertainment here. If you need help, call up the Red Cross. Don't expect it in a GAME.

    You know this is why you'll never move from your current position of life? lol

    Empathy goes a long way; especially when trying to get laid.

  • LienhartLienhart Markham, ONPosts: 635Member
    Originally posted by phantomghost
    Originally posted by Lienhart

    Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

    Me, myself and I.

    Whats wrong is the person trying to make somebody feel bad for them.  I know I do not play games because I want to hear about somebody elses problems.

     

    I especially do not want to hear about somebody with no self motivation and a lack of priorites crying about their struggles.

    My gf low sided today on her motorcycle and multiple cars passed by her without asking if she was okay. The issue isn't exclusive to MMORPGs; it's everywhere. There are case studies of rape victims being dragged into the middle of an intersection and left to die; nobody gave a shit (bystander effect). Look at vehicle theft videos on YouTube, someone using a hacksaw in a damn major intersection in New York to steal somoene's bicycle, nobody attemped to stop him (in broad daylight).

    This is culture specific and it plays a large part of the Western "civilized" society. If you selfish shits can't do this in a video game, you sure as hell aren't going to do it in real life.

    Here's a story that relates to this topic and shows that there's at least a BIT of hope:

    http://www.zenmoments.org/the-cab-ride-ill-never-forget/

  • SovrathSovrath Boston Area, MAPosts: 18,453Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by Lienhart

    Here's a story that relates to this topic and shows that there's at least a BIT of hope:

    http://www.zenmoments.org/the-cab-ride-ill-never-forget/

    I'll admit that's a wonderful story.

    It reminds me of a time, during a busy work day, when I saw an elderly woman slowly making her way to the sidewalk. Only then did I realize she was walking on black ice.

    I went to the edge of the large ice patch and asked "excuse me, do you need any help?"

    She looked back and practically had tears in her eyes saying "oh yes please, I've gotten myself into a bad situation".

    I then held her close to me and very carefully and slowly we made our way out of the ice area.

    I suppose one has to take it on a case to case basis. Having said that, my experience in online games is that you end up being a therapist and are constantly sought out so that someone can regurgitate problem #128 with no real intention of heedking any advice.

    I think there is a difference between helping someone who has a problem and helping someone "with problems".

    How do you know which one and what will you do if you end up being the dumping ground for so much negativity and sadness.

     

  • JaedorJaedor Denver, COPosts: 1,140Member Uncommon

    On my way to work this morning, I watched a guy at a stoplight get out of his truck and run to the middle of the right-side of the intersection to help a little old lady finish crossing the street. No lie.

    Made my month.

  • Half_Man_Half_ToonHalf_Man_Half_Toon NO, CAPosts: 156Member
    If ther positive I will stay I hate problems I like positivity I am a person that is like a sponge if you positive im positive if you negativive I tend to leave it hurts me and most of the time I cant help them everybody has problems specially with this dame economy.
  • 3-4thElf3-4thElf Elftown, MEPosts: 489Member

    I'm a social sap.

    I share an experience with other humans where they usually use their new free-found anon status to make racial or sexuial comments unsparingly.

    If someone hops on, needs to vent. I take it.

    a yo ho ho

  • SimphanaticSimphanatic Marion, IAPosts: 92Member
    Originally posted by Lienhart

    This is culture specific and it plays a large part of the Western "civilized" society. If you selfish shits can't do this in a video game, you sure as hell aren't going to do it in real life.

    Here's a story that relates to this topic and shows that there's at least a BIT of hope:

    http://www.zenmoments.org/the-cab-ride-ill-never-forget/

    First, how is your girlfriend? I hope she was not hurt too badly.

     

    Your arguments are specious and wrong.

     

    1. Comparing an anonymous internet conversation to rape or bicycle theft, where witnesses fail to render assistance is preposterous.

     

    2. You need to check out the misogynistic practices in Middle Eastern cultures, per rape and other crimes against women, before you try to indict the supposed cold heartedness of Western society.

     

    I've a strong sense that all those who're slinging mud at those of us who think online games are inappropriate venues for sharing personal issues have little to no experience with it. My own sensitivity towards it has been enured by 12 years of listening to players petty issues (my parents grounded me for getting drunk ... I broke up with my girlfriend), unnecessary overreaction to simple issues (my ear is broken [it was full of wax]), and poor life choices (I got kicked out of school for skipping class). I've heard them all and many more. In the beginning I tried to commisurate and offer advice. Most of the time the recipient of my guidance chose to do something else, which is fine, but if you didn't want to hear what I had to say, why'd you burden me to begin with. At this stage, I really don't want to hear that kind of bilge at all.

     

    To be certain, people encounter horrendous issues, like the death of a child or parent; in which case all we can really do is offer sympathy. I've encountered each of these examples, and after offering sincere sympathy, the question also passed through my mind about what the hell they were doing playing a game. When my father died a couple years ago the last thing I wanted to do was play a game, and I certainly didn't want to share my profound grief with a bunch of quasi-strangers. Doing so would have been completely inappropriate.

     

    Now, maybe it's also a matter of perspective. As it happens I'm lying here, no feeling or use of anything from the middle of my back on down. For the last year I've been slowly losing motor functions in my arms, hands, and neck. I spent all day Saturday in the hospital because I almost choked to death -- and things are only getting worse. But I don't burden guild mates or other online acquaintences with these details because: (1) there isn't a stinking thing they can do about it, (2) I neither want nor need their pity, and (3) I play MMORPGs because my avatars can do things no longer possible for me personally and the last thing I want to do is remind myself of it by bringing it into my MMORPG worlds.

     

    I'm really sorry people encounter personal problems, I wish life was perfect, but it's not. And since that's the case and I can do very little about it except vote, pay my taxes, and donate to charities, I really don't want or need to know how shitty things are beyond what I read in the newspaper or see on TV. Most of us play online games to give ourselves a lift, we don't want to be brought down by people who should be taking their problems to RL friends, family, and appropriate professionals. Again, sorry if that sentiment makes me a cold-hearted biotch, it's just how it is.

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