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How do you deal with gamers with personal problems?

13

Comments

  • BetaguyBetaguy Halifax, NSPosts: 2,590Member
    Originally posted by Jemcrystal

    Lucidia:  "Hi, Guildmate Death_Luv, my name is Lucidia and I'd like to party with you in Wiley Canyon.  Oh, btw, my two-yr-old and I are about to get evicted because we can't pay rent."  

    Death_Luv:  "Ah, errr, how bout them Dodgers?"

     

    How do you deal with mmo peeps unloading personal baggage in game?

     

     

    *[Made up names but the situation is vague copy from a encounter I had yesterday].

    Sorry to hear that, but I play solo since I am afk so much... The guild leader will gladly help you out... ;}

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  • dave6660dave6660 New York, NYPosts: 2,543Member Uncommon

    I find being blunt is the easiest solution.  If you really don't care then say so.  They may not like the answer but it will definitely end the conversation.

    “There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody's expense but his own.”
    -- Herman Melville

  • phantomghostphantomghost Atlanta, GAPosts: 694Member Uncommon

    Tell them time to quit this game.  You do not need to be paying for games, internet. television etc for entertainment... you need to get a job... pay your rent, feed your 2 year old... if anything is left over you can have the scraps.  Grow up.  Tell everyone on the game how ridiculous this person is...

     

    Might refer them to others with similar views.

     

     

    I live by a "Ya don't work, ya don't eat". policy.

    photo SIG_zpszteuyd0ejpg
  • TymorisTymoris AthensPosts: 360Member

    Personally I don't even see WHY it's an issue to begin with. 

    Are seriously people these days such wusses that a person venting causes them such discomfort?

    Hell the easiest way to difuse such cases is to engage in simple conversation and if the other sides goes overboard just tell him so in a polite manner. Really just basic manners nothing big.

    For me it's simple, if you can't deal with humans DON"T play MMOs. Go play a single player game and escape, go watch porn and masturbate your stress away, go for a walk or read a book.

    And I don't get the "It's only a game/pixes" attitude Tell you what, if a 40 year old dude sends sex tells via the game to your 14 year old girl, would you say it's just pixels?  

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  • yorkforceyorkforce DoncasterPosts: 160Member
    Originally posted by Jemcrystal

    Lucidia:  "Hi, Guildmate Death_Luv, my name is Lucidia and I'd like to party with you in Wiley Canyon.  Oh, btw, my two-yr-old and I are about to get evicted because we can't pay rent."  

    Death_Luv:  "Ah, errr, how bout them Dodgers?"

     

    How do you deal with mmo peeps unloading personal baggage in game?

     

     

    *[Made up names but the situation is vague copy from a encounter I had yesterday].

    Depends on the person and the situation, however a quick break down of the above statement is very clear in thier intentions regardless of situation.

    Oh, btw, my two-yr-old and I are about to get evicted because we can't pay rent.

    To quickly translate, the first bolded line is an immediate play to gain sympathy, the second is to gain money. The third and most important line of all, which isnt even written, is that a person abouts to be evicted, is playing a video game.

    I would personally be cautious around such a person, unless I knew them extremely well and this was completely out of character.

  • LawlmonsterLawlmonster Dallas, TXPosts: 954Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by Slampig
    Originally posted by Lawlmonster

    I think everyone deserves help, regardless if you're face to face, on the phone, or using the internet: that's still a real person on the other end. Compassion doesn't make us weak, either. From my own experiences and tribulations, I can affirm that ventrilo and friends I've known for roughly fifteen years were the reason I sought medical and therapeutic aide, though I probably wouldn't have discussed my problems with strangers. People handle loss and conflict in different ways. Maybe the individual private messaging ol' Death_Luv had no one else to speak with, or couldn't fully confide in someone they already knew? Naturally, they should probably seek appropriate help, and the compassionate response would be to offer some form of comfort or advice.

     

    Sure, we've all got problems. No one really wants to spend their free time listening to other people bitch about their issues, but simply being polite, honest, or compassionate toward their situation could make all of the difference, with the added bonus of feeling good about what you've done.

    Good luck with that. From the OP and the majority of the posters in this thread I think you can see where these people stand...

    So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em? The mentality you're presenting is exactly the reason I choose to act the way I do online, and why I treat other individuals I meet in games as real people, with real problems. To do so would be admitting defeat, and allowing absolute anonymity, pride, or a lack of compassion to direct my motives. Don't worry about wishing me luck, I'm willing to take the sacrifice.

    "This is life! We suffer and slave and expire. That's it!" -Bernard Black (Dylan Moran)

  • LawlmonsterLawlmonster Dallas, TXPosts: 954Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by MMOExposed
    Originally posted by Lawlmonster

    I think everyone deserves help, regardless if you're face to face, on the phone, or using the internet: that's still a real person on the other end. Compassion doesn't make us weak, either. From my own experiences and tribulations, I can affirm that ventrilo and friends I've known for roughly fifteen years were the reason I sought medical and therapeutic aide, though I probably wouldn't have discussed my problems with strangers. People handle loss and conflict in different ways. Maybe the individual private messaging ol' Death_Luv had no one else to speak with, or couldn't fully confide in someone they already knew? Naturally, they should probably seek appropriate help, and the compassionate response would be to offer some form of comfort or advice.

     

    Sure, we've all got problems. No one really wants to spend their free time listening to other people bitch about their issues, but simply being polite, honest, or compassionate toward their situation could make all of the difference, with the added bonus of feeling good about what you've done.

    Hey What games you play. I want to join you.

    Just about any and everything. You can send me a PM and I'll give you my Steam information so we can do internet stuff like bros.

    "This is life! We suffer and slave and expire. That's it!" -Bernard Black (Dylan Moran)

  • RictisRictis UnknownPosts: 1,231Member Uncommon
    I like to hear about real life and tbh I wish people were more open about that kind of stuff. While gaming is primarily used for entertainment, I feel it is equally useful as a way to reach out to other people that also share the same hobby.
  • laseritlaserit Vancouver, BCPosts: 1,946Member Uncommon
    AAAnnndddd.... IIIIIIII.... will sing a rhapsody

    "If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you." - Bruce Lee

  • GeezerGamerGeezerGamer ChairPosts: 5,590Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by Jemcrystal

    Lucidia:  "Hi, Guildmate Death_Luv, my name is Lucidia and I'd like to party with you in Wiley Canyon.  Oh, btw, my two-yr-old and I are about to get evicted because we can't pay rent."  

    Death_Luv:  "Ah, errr, how bout them Dodgers?"

     

    How do you deal with mmo peeps unloading personal baggage in game?

     

     

    *[Made up names but the situation is vague copy from a encounter I had yesterday].

    /ignore

  • TokkenTokken Portland, ORPosts: 1,154Member Uncommon
    have counseling resources available if the need arrises.
    Brad McQuaid Quote:  So, God-willing, the Pantheon: Rise of the Fallen team and I will be able to make or allow that magic to happen a third time, and it too will be not just a great game, but also that catalyst again that brings people together, sometimes out of their comfort zone, learning how to work together not just tactically in a virtual world but also socially in the real world.
  • loulakiloulaki PatrasPosts: 918Member
    well from my personall experience there are 2 kind of personal life problems unloaded in game
     
    the first kind of problems are from those who in purpose expresssing them, there my reaction is to give an advise or change the theme, its an MMO and some people wanna express their problems/feelings not to an NPC but to someone else... if you raise wall against them go play singleplay. of course drama queens not included :P
     
    the second kind of problems which occurs in the way are accidentaly, i have example 2 days before, i was in party and one was not typing just following like a bot, thanks to my luck i didnt said anything offfensive (as i do usually) cause when i asked if he was ok, his friend send me whisper that his friends has a mind "problem" something like alexia if i remember, ok this personal life problem expressed without purpose, my personal stance is just to make a neutral joke just to relax the atmosphaire and continue in gaming : )
     
    dont be harsh to those who have problem next to you, you dont wanna this to happen to you too .

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  • NazloklessNazlokless BradofrdPosts: 12Member Uncommon

    to be fair i would be asking why they investing time money on a game, burning electricity ect, when they cannot afford rent. You should have told them to sell their computer to pay the rent. That two year old child is more important than a game tbh.

     

  • IcewhiteIcewhite Elmhurst, ILPosts: 6,403Member
    Originally posted by Jemcrystal
    How do you deal with mmo peeps unloading personal baggage in game?

    The same way I deal with them on forums.

    Hear the crickets chirping?

    Self-pity imprisons us in the walls of our own self-absorption. The whole world shrinks down to the size of our problem, and the more we dwell on it, the smaller we are and the larger the problem seems to grow.

  • LienhartLienhart Markham, ONPosts: 635Member

    Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

    Me, myself and I.

  • jayartejayarte LancasterPosts: 450Member
    Originally posted by Lawlmonster

    I think everyone deserves help, regardless if you're face to face, on the phone, or using the internet: that's still a real person on the other end. Compassion doesn't make us weak, either. From my own experiences and tribulations, I can affirm that ventrilo and friends I've known for roughly fifteen years were the reason I sought medical and therapeutic aide, though I probably wouldn't have discussed my problems with strangers. People handle loss and conflict in different ways. Maybe the individual private messaging ol' Death_Luv had no one else to speak with, or couldn't fully confide in someone they already knew? Naturally, they should probably seek appropriate help, and the compassionate response would be to offer some form of comfort or advice.

     

    Sure, we've all got problems. No one really wants to spend their free time listening to other people bitch about their issues, but simply being polite, honest, or compassionate toward their situation could make all of the difference, with the added bonus of feeling good about what you've done.

    Well said.  I was thinking a very similar thing.  What a bunch of hard-hearted posters above, very depressing.  

     

    Of course, a balance needs to be struck: we don't want to be logging into a game and spending the whole time every time listening to people discuss their problems, but when someone is struggling in real life and reaches out to another player to talk about that, would it really hurt to listen for a while?  We all have problems of varying degrees and some of us like to talk about them, and some don't.  For those who don't, though, I'd just say please show a little compassion when someone does.  Giving 5 or 10 minutes of your time and attention  might make a massive difference to someone who is really on the edge.  Surely that should be more important than achieving some virtual goal in a game?  Some people might have nobody else to confide in, or they might find it easier to do in the anonymity of an mmo.  A little kindness goes a long way ♥

  • jayartejayarte LancasterPosts: 450Member
    Originally posted by Wakygreek
    I like to hear about real life and tbh I wish people were more open about that kind of stuff. While gaming is primarily used for entertainment, I feel it is equally useful as a way to reach out to other people that also share the same hobby.

    Also this.

  • NitthNitth AustraliaPosts: 3,684Member Uncommon


    Originally posted by bunnyhopper
    Gank them and loot their stuffz.

    Sorry had to laugh!

    image
    TSW - AoC - Aion - WOW - EVE - Fallen Earth - Co - Rift - || XNA C# Java Development

  • loulakiloulaki PatrasPosts: 918Member
    Originally posted by jayarte
    Originally posted by Lawlmonster

    I think everyone deserves help, regardless if you're face to face, on the phone, or using the internet: that's still a real person on the other end. Compassion doesn't make us weak, either. From my own experiences and tribulations, I can affirm that ventrilo and friends I've known for roughly fifteen years were the reason I sought medical and therapeutic aide, though I probably wouldn't have discussed my problems with strangers. People handle loss and conflict in different ways. Maybe the individual private messaging ol' Death_Luv had no one else to speak with, or couldn't fully confide in someone they already knew? Naturally, they should probably seek appropriate help, and the compassionate response would be to offer some form of comfort or advice.

     

    Sure, we've all got problems. No one really wants to spend their free time listening to other people bitch about their issues, but simply being polite, honest, or compassionate toward their situation could make all of the difference, with the added bonus of feeling good about what you've done.

    Well said.  I was thinking a very similar thing.  What a bunch of hard-hearted posters above, very depressing.  

     

    Of course, a balance needs to be struck: we don't want to be logging into a game and spending the whole time every time listening to people discuss their problems, but when someone is struggling in real life and reaches out to another player to talk about that, would it really hurt to listen for a while?  We all have problems of varying degrees and some of us like to talk about them, and some don't.  For those who don't, though, I'd just say please show a little compassion when someone does.  Giving 5 or 10 minutes of your time and attention  might make a massive difference to someone who is really on the edge.  Surely that should be more important than achieving some virtual goal in a game?  Some people might have nobody else to confide in, or they might find it easier to do in the anonymity of an mmo.  A little kindness goes a long way ♥

    thanks god posts like these makes me believe that i am alone yet ..!

     

    so much hatred and frozen feelings from the posters in this community, and then they worry about the MMOs that they are not social ... how ironic, i will keep the link of that thread everytime i read that an MMO isnt social enough.

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  • SovrathSovrath Boston Area, MAPosts: 18,455Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by Mueslinator
    Originally posted by Simphanatic

    The sorry truth is there are many people who depend on online games for their primary source of human interaction. Often, this is a self-imposed circumstance, but I'm acquainted with a number of hardcore players who've disabilities (myself included) and find getting out of the house and socializing a somewhat insurmountable challenge.

    Still, there's a time and place for everything. Were the player characterized by the OP a total stranger, I'd find it an uncomfortable conversation and would do my utmost to disengage. Contrariwise, if the player was someone with whom I'd become friendly, I might lend an ear and support or advice within my purview.

    I'm certainly not bereft of empathy, but at the same time I tend to be a no-nonsense kind of player. When I'm engaged in a quest or group mission, I don't want to be bothered by chit chat that doesn't concern the game or specific matters at hand. One of the principal reasons I seek out MMOs is for their immersive quality -- call it escapism. I don't burden others with my real life issues and, generally, I'd much prefer they not burden me with theirs.

     

    Seconded.

    It absolutely depends on who is coming to me with which personal problems:

    A stranger with an immediate, serious problem? Very uncomfortable - I will try to disengage from the conversation as soon as possible. Maybe even contact a GM, if the person sounds like he/she needs real help.

    A stranger with a 'problem'? Disengage, make it clear I have no interest in other peoples' personal life. If they persist, /ignore.

    A gaming buddy with a real problem? I'll try my best to help, but will make it clear that he should seek outside help, if applicable. And that I won't be there every time to help out.

    A friend? They know me well enough to not bother me with those things in-game. If they need to talk, we'll meet up IRL.

     

    That said: I play to escape reality for a bit. Contrary to what some might believe, escapism (in measure) is normal, healthy behaviour that helps keep us level. When I play, I don't particularly want to hear about RL: Be that someone's warts acting up, someone's RL interrupting a play session repeatedly, the latest soccer game or the financial crisis. I want to game - to talk about the game I'm playing, discuss Lore, gameplay, the game itself.

    I'll third that (unless someone else has done that already).

    It's poor form to unburden yourself to a stranger and essentially disrupt the game by going off on your worldy woes.

    The only  way I can see it working is if you've played with this person  for a long time and know them well and want to seek their advice or if you, as an aside, say "hey, I realize this might be weird but can I ask some advice..."

    In which case one party can give advice and the other party can thank them and move on to the game.

    the problem with some people is that if they receive advice they don't heed it or even acknowledge it but just go on in the muck that is their life.

    Case in point, the person who I had spoken to who was unemployed, in a bad financial place, bad relationship etc.

    I gave advice on how to get a job and all they wanted to do was bitch and even worse, make excuses for why they couldn't do what I suggested. Which really were excuses as I counteracted every one of them.

    I don't get paid to be an online thereapist and I do pay to play online games.

     

  • nariusseldonnariusseldon santa clara, CAPosts: 22,441Member
    Originally posted by Lienhart

    Read half of the responses here and you'll see just what the fuck is wrong with Western society.

    Me, myself and I.

    "wrong"? Just a way of life. Don't expect handouts from strangers.

    And we are talking about entertainment here. If you need help, call up the Red Cross. Don't expect it in a GAME.

  • JemcrystalJemcrystal Champaign, ILPosts: 1,552Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by Nazlokless

    to be fair i would be asking why they investing time money on a game, burning electricity ect, when they cannot afford rent. You should have told them to sell their computer to pay the rent. That two year old child is more important than a game tbh.

     

     

    Because it takes money to make money and some people get caught unawares.  You can't put an ad in the paper to sell when you are completely broke - no money for the add silly.  You may be broke because you had an unexpected visit to the hospital or car trouble.  Heck, my sister and her husband are stretched now because they are making enough money to not be edible for Medicare (government aid).  They can not afford to pay their bills because they make more money than ever.  With four kids the government owned school system has begun charging them full price for each one's education.  Unexpected things can happen that put you in a financial bind.  Death, cancer, etc, etc, etc.  You might have already had a computer and game set up before poop hit.  It might be an old PC and not sellable and not worth the add in the paper.  

    Unless you've hit bottom yourself and HAD NO HELP FROM ANYONE to climb out you have no right to judge.

    That said, I still feel games are not the place to seek help.  Games are a momentary escape from stress, yeah, but don't ask strangers for help.  Get involved in a church if you don't have family or your family is bent.  If the church don't help dump them and find another.  Don't do church, join a biker club.  But don't ask online gamers because they can't help and you waste time you could have asked someone who could.

    And PC's don't burn that much electricity if you don't turn them off and on or run a special designed gamers PC.  It's the internet / tv bill you might cancel which also might not be a good idea if your are looking for a job real quick.  Google [Earth] is a great way map out a job interview or read up on a business your scooping out to impress a would be boss. 


  • sacredfoolsacredfool prague, TXPosts: 760Member Uncommon

    I reply with something slightly mean and sarcastic like:

    "Well, hopefully you will have net at your new place so you can continue playing. : "

     

    If they get annoyed and leave good, if it makes them shut up it's good and if they are willing to deal with it I might even be willing to give them some real advice. 


    Originally posted by nethaniah

    Seriously Farmville? Yeah I think it's great. In a World where half our population is dying of hunger the more fortunate half is spending their time harvesting food that doesn't exist.


  • TwoThreeFourTwoThreeFour Virginia, VAPosts: 2,131Member
    Originally posted by Simphanatic
    Originally posted by Disatisfied9
    Originally posted by Simphanatic

    The most valuable member of any guild is always named Google, he's also the least used member, especially by the takers.

    I hate people like you. You know, the jerks who say "google it" as if that's a real answer.

    And, not to put too fine a point on it, I have no time for people who lack the initiative and resourcefulness to solve life's simplest problems without having their hands held at every turn.

    Yeah, I'm judgmental. I'm the kind of person who reads through a game's forum and user guides before I start playing a game. When I have a question, it's definitely easier for me to find an answer via Google (3 minutes tops) than to bother other players with petty questions they've already answered ad nauseum.

    I believe new players should be given the tools to succeed, part of that is helping them know where to find answers; so the next time they are stumped and no guildmate is online they know how to handle it.

    I most certainly believe that spoonfeeding people only cripples them.

    Case in point:

    New player asks which mob drops leather. Guild members tell him.

    Ten minutes later same player asks which mob drobs a needle and thread. Guild members tell him.

    Another ten minutes pass when the new player asks what mobs drop gold darts. Guild members tell him.

    And so it continues.

    Whereas, had a guildmate given the new member a URL for the games Wiki, the new member would not only know where to look up such items, he'd also discover an entire universe of useful information.

    Unlike you, I don't actually hate anyone, but I have absolutely no respect for the intellectually lazy types who haven't the inclination to help themselves. Frankly, they should stay on the Disney site.

     

    Just for the record: google and wiki is spoonfeeding. Those who are not spoonfed learn through their own analysis and experience. 

  • TwoThreeFourTwoThreeFour Virginia, VAPosts: 2,131Member
    Originally posted by Jemcrystal
    (...)

     

    To either I want to be polite but I don't want to hand feed them so they'll keep dishing stress.  Seriously, THERE IS NOTHING A GUILDMATE CAN DO TO SAVE YOU FROM LIFE'S PROBLEMS.  

     

    Actually, just making them believe that you care for at least a moment, may be enough to brighten their day. I don't think anyone demands other people to care or to listen, but I would be suprised if they don't appriciate that at least someone listens for a while even though they cannot do much to help other than listening temporarily.

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