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Relationships in mmo games.

calranthecalranthe stoke on trentPosts: 356Member

I have spent the last 20 odd years playing online games and love the social side of the mmorpg and even before that muds and meridian 59 not really massive max 200+ people per servers and most muds less than that.

Friendships in games have in some cases outlasted real life friendships, one friend I have known for 13 years.

At the same time I know friends who got married after meeting on a mud.

I myself have had many online relationships some more real than others and a few went to real life meeting and become serious.

Even those that ended badly some good came out of it.

Some may laugh at the idea of this but honestly from my perspective it is pretty damn common.

 

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Comments

  • 3-4thElf3-4thElf Elftown, MEPosts: 489Member

    I will admit this! 

    My 10 year relationship with the same person grew out of our gaming at the same RPG site. It was a MUD lite, based around anime, was very odd.

    But she and I had a lot in common. The same age, similar backgrounds, same interests and it's been great.

    Now I've known a lot more people who have rushed things with online gaming relationships, but they seem to run into the same problems that I've seen with friends who rush into more tradtionally initiated relationships.

    It's not the medium of the art, but the intention behind it that makes it grand.

    My best advice though for people looking for love and keep finding all the wrong places: go to a political rally that you agree with. I don't care if it's left, right, or right down the center. More than likely you'll find someone intellectually your level, with similar interests, and maybe even a few leagues above what you think you're worth that will be interested in you.

    Just a tid bit I figured I'd add.

    a yo ho ho

  • GrahorGrahor aaaPosts: 828Member

    *blinks* Okay, people, that's quite enough for today. Weirdness is weird.

     

    Listen, gaming activity is _exactly_ like any other activity through the universe. Relationships develop exactly like relationships in any other activity, "real" or not. I'm a friend with one woman for 7 years already, and we met in cybersex chat in IRC.

     

    Wherever people interact with each other, relationships are born. That's the end of it.

  • 3-4thElf3-4thElf Elftown, MEPosts: 489Member
    Originally posted by Grahor

     I'm a friend with one woman for 7 years already, and we met in cybersex chat in IRC.

    Well you took it further than I ever could. lol My lady and I just killed dragons.

    a yo ho ho

  • EpicentEpicent Pierre Part, LAPosts: 647Member
    Originally posted by Grahor

    *blinks* Okay, people, that's quite enough for today. Weirdness is weird.

     

    Listen, gaming activity is _exactly_ like any other activity through the universe. Relationships develop exactly like relationships in any other activity, "real" or not. I'm a friend with one woman for 7 years already, and we met in cybersex chat in IRC.

     

    Wherever people interact with each other, relationships are born. That's the end of it.

    I would say this is the weirdest statement so far.

  • DibdabsDibdabs FelvershamPosts: 2,604Member Uncommon

    I met many people during the time I played tabletop RPGs, some I still know after about 25 years, and a couple who are still very good friends after 30 years.

    Online friendships are purely temporary in the opinion of my friends and I, and don't really count.  Since I first went online with a Commodore 64 and a 300 baud modem (about 25 years ago, using Prestel Gold), then through using BB Systems and finally the Internet I can count on one hand the number of times I ever met anyone in person that I first met online.  It never really interested me.

  • Poison_AdelePoison_Adele Seattle, WAPosts: 287Member

    Yeah, it's surprisingly common. I work in a pretty nerd-heavy environment and one day the topic came up of meeting significant others online through video games. About 2 or 3 people on our row were either married or getting married to someone they'd met through a game, though I have to say one of those 2-3 people is in one of the most disfunctional non-abusive relationships I've ever heard of...yeesh. 

    Either way it's getting more and more common.

    image

  • Cephus404Cephus404 Redlands, CAPosts: 3,675Member

    I've made lots of very close, personal friends online and most of them, I've met offline as well.  I met one lady online, got to be extremely good friends, flew to her rescue when her husband got physically abusive, drove her and her son 2000 miles back to my house where they stayed with me and my wife for several months, then when she got a divorce, flew back up to her old place, helped her sell her house, drove her back down 2000 miles dragging a trailer of all her stuff, got her a good job, etc.

    That was years ago, but now she's happily married again and we still play online from time to time.  We're always in contact and although we don't live all that close anymore, we still see each other.

    This is not at all uncommon.  I've met dozens and dozens of people that I'm friends with online and the reason we're all friends offline is because our friendship went far beyond playing some stupid game.  We're friends because we have lots in common, not because we've killed monsters together.

    Played: UO, EQ, WoW, DDO, SWG, AO, CoH, EvE, TR, AoC, GW, GA, Aion, Allods, lots more
    Relatively Recently (Re)Played: HL2 (all), Halo (PC, all), Batman:AA; AC, ME, BS, DA, FO3, DS, Doom (all), LFD1&2, KOTOR, Portal 1&2, Blink, Elder Scrolls (all), lots more
    Now Playing: None
    Hope: None

  • KaylettaJadeKaylettaJade Holloman AFB, NMPosts: 144Member Uncommon

    I met my husband in game and I know of several other couples that met in game and numerous others who play together as their hobby.  It used to be the exception, but its becoming more and more common for people to bring online friendships into the real world.

    Like anywhere else, two people meet, connect, and a relationship can start.  This stuff happening in game is just the natural progression of technological interaction.

  • calranthecalranthe stoke on trentPosts: 356Member

    I think one of the pitfalls as someone mentioned is "rushing", it takes time to get to know someone especially in a virtual enviroment where context and emotions through the medium of the game can be easily misunderstood.

     

  • GrahorGrahor aaaPosts: 828Member
    Originally posted by Epicent
    Originally posted by Grahor

    *blinks* Okay, people, that's quite enough for today. Weirdness is weird.

     

    Listen, gaming activity is _exactly_ like any other activity through the universe. Relationships develop exactly like relationships in any other activity, "real" or not. I'm a friend with one woman for 7 years already, and we met in cybersex chat in IRC.

     

    Wherever people interact with each other, relationships are born. That's the end of it.

    I would say this is the weirdest statement so far.

    What's weird in it?

     

    It's just how things actually work, you know. Boy meets girl, or boy meet boy, or even girl meet girl, they talk, they find common grounds, they like each other. They talk some more, discuss things. They find pleasure in each other's company - relationship is born! With years they either drift apart or grow closer... It's actually much easier to find like-minded people online.

  • KaylettaJadeKaylettaJade Holloman AFB, NMPosts: 144Member Uncommon
    Originally posted by calranthe

    I think one of the pitfalls as someone mentioned is "rushing", it takes time to get to know someone especially in a virtual enviroment where context and emotions through the medium of the game can be easily misunderstood.

     

    Considering the overall divorce rate, rushing isn't just a gaming relationship issue. 

    I will agree that keeping a relationship solely in the medium of the game will present additional problems, but if a relationship that started in game is getting serious, why wouldn't you move into a real world medium?  Once you bring it outside of the game world it's like any other relationship.

  • GrahorGrahor aaaPosts: 828Member
    Originally posted by KaylettaJade

    I met my husband in game and I know of several other couples that met in game and numerous others who play together as their hobby.  It used to be the exception, but its becoming more and more common for people to bring online friendships into the real world.

    Like anywhere else, two people meet, connect, and a relationship can start.  This stuff happening in game is just the natural progression of technological interaction.

    See? I already like this girl, her thought process, her worldview and her style of speech. If we were together in a game, I'd certainly wanted to know her better, at least her thoughts on natural progression of technological interactions, because I, too, have some ideas about it, and it would be interesting to discuss it with somebody who also thought about it. 

     

    From that point we could move towards some philosophy, technological progress, may be political/religious discussion and see where it'll bring us. Somewhere on the way the chance exists that we could opt for a more physical interaction (well, at least if she weren't behind the ocean and didn't have a husband. Ocean is not a big deal, but not all people are polyamorous like me). We could discover that we "connect" and share interests which are more fun to pursue in a company... Voila, a new relationship is born. Just like it happens every day across the world...

  • cgniuscgnius LondonPosts: 18Member

    In the 10 years that I've played MMOs I wouldn't say I ever forged any what i would call deep friendships or relationships involving sharing personal stories etc, but I've forged many a good friendship through helping others and sharing game related stories etc. Kind of like the football (soccer for you americans) forums where I forge friendships with people who support the same team and enjoy talking about the comings and goings of all things football.

  • KaylettaJadeKaylettaJade Holloman AFB, NMPosts: 144Member Uncommon

    I think Grahor's reply pretty much cinches why gaming relationships are becoming more and more common: You meet people outside of your classic circle of homogamy.  In the digital age, new and different is what many people are looking for.

    This world is increasingly interconnected and people are founding relationships based on new principles of homogamy.  This sort of social interaction didn't exist 50 years ago.  Whatever the new social medium is for the era, be it balls (circa pre-1900), the co-ed college experience that began in the mid1800's and continues today, the dancing clubs of the early 1900's, nightclubs of whatever variety for the decade, chat rooms, or MMOs, people will use it to expend their social circles and in doing so possibly find a partner.  This isn't a new trend, it's just a new medium for it.

    What is new is the complete lack of physical interaction required.  You no longer have to ever lay eyes on a person to get to know them.  On one hand, this allows for a lot of undetectable bull&^%*, but on the other it allows people who aren't fantastically beautiful or desireable to be judged solely on the merits of their personality.  Personally, I think its a great step forward in promoting what's really important.

  • helthroshelthros Miami, FLPosts: 1,449Member

    I wouldn't recommend looking for it, but if it happens then by all means go for it.

  • BelarionBelarion na, ONPosts: 570Member
    Originally posted by Grahor
    Originally posted by KaylettaJade

    I met my husband in game and I know of several other couples that met in game and numerous others who play together as their hobby.  It used to be the exception, but its becoming more and more common for people to bring online friendships into the real world.

    Like anywhere else, two people meet, connect, and a relationship can start.  This stuff happening in game is just the natural progression of technological interaction.

    See? I already like this girl, her thought process, her worldview and her style of speech. If we were together in a game, I'd certainly wanted to know her better, at least her thoughts on natural progression of technological interactions, because I, too, have some ideas about it, and it would be interesting to discuss it with somebody who also thought about it. 

     

    From that point we could move towards some philosophy, technological progress, may be political/religious discussion and see where it'll bring us. Somewhere on the way the chance exists that we could opt for a more physical interaction (well, at least if she weren't behind the ocean and didn't have a husband. Ocean is not a big deal, but not all people are polyamorous like me). We could discover that we "connect" and share interests which are more fun to pursue in a company... Voila, a new relationship is born. Just like it happens every day across the world...

    This guy! lmao /vote for president

     

    You arent by any chance Gatis Kandis are you?

     

    "Are you well? No! You're a person!"

     

    Just when I thought I had given up on this site. bahahaha

    I love snails.
    I love every kinda snail.
    I just want to hug them all, but I cant.
    Cant hug every snail.

  • GrahorGrahor aaaPosts: 828Member
    Originally posted by KaylettaJade

    What is new is the complete lack of physical interaction required.  You no longer have to ever lay eyes on a person to get to know them.  On one hand, this allows for a lot of undetectable bull&^%*, but on the other it allows people who aren't fantastically beautiful or desireable to be judged solely on the merits of their personality.  Personally, I think its a great step forward in promoting what's really important.

    Indeed! It is also interesting that physical limitations of distance are not applicable for new digital age. Before Internet, your potential pool of partners/interesting people to meet was limited by a place where you were living. Now, such limits are removed. Groups are connected, across the world, by interests, and the potential pool to find a person you like is huge. Why, my wife is from another country, and many of my friends are scattered across the whole world, which, by the way, allows for great mobility for a guy who loves to travel, like me.

     

    The Internet also allows for anonymity and relative freedom from long-term consequence in opening yourself, if your tastes/desires/interests are a little bit (or a lot) outside of perceived "norm" for local population. It was a terrible risk to open yourself as, say, gay, or an atheist, or anything else outside of the "norm" in your local town; you could be "destroyed", shunned, ostracised, etc. In the internet you can be openly yourself, show your natural reactions, opinions and worldviews, look for allies and similar-minded people. Why, a girl can actually like sex in the Internets and not to be known to all the town as "slut"!

     

    Sure, you have to pay for such freedom with free reign of morons and trolls, but it certainly worth it.

  • calranthecalranthe stoke on trentPosts: 356Member

    Very true, a person you would never get to interact with on the streets, someone you would never get to know and in the games in a virtual world if you get past all the bullshit you can get to know the real person.

     

  • lotapartylotaparty taxila canttPosts: 514Member

    the day you start thinking about mmorpg as a job and a place to find relationships . you are gonna ruin your fun and entertainment . it might be just me . but i play games for fun .not for thinking them as a job .

    image

  • calranthecalranthe stoke on trentPosts: 356Member
    Originally posted by lotaparty

    the day you start thinking about mmorpg as a job and a place to find relationships . you are gonna ruin your fun and entertainment . it might be just me . but i play games for fun .not for thinking them as a job .

    I do not agree with that, yes an mmo is a game but just because I am begind a screen does not make the interaction any less real or fun, if you close of that side of yourself and limit mmo games to just being "game" then you miss out on some amazing social interaction and friendships that can happen.

    As a roleplayer my character is important and I play the part but in every game I have been part of I have met some really special people, some became friendships that have lasted over ten years others became lovers to me that can only enhance a game.

    But then again in tells/whispers and ooc in a game I am me, the same person you would meet in a bar or on the street, I am not so insecure that I need to keep it secret what you see is basically what you get, I will treat you and talk to you with the same honesty and respect I would if you sat across from me in this room.

     

     

  • AdalwulffAdalwulff Sacramento, CAPosts: 1,152Member

    I've never got a girlfriend from an online game, but I dont see a problem with it at all.

    I am amazed at some of the comments here, like only "nerdy" people meet girls online, what the hell is that about. The internet is a part of our lives now, and I dont see any difference meeting a girl in a MMO or in a bar.

    Actaully, I would say the girl in the MMO is probably safer...lol

    image
  • RockhideRockhide Chicagoland, ILPosts: 155Member

    I was an officer in a mostly adult guild in WoW and "romantic" relationships between our members were a headache for me and often became disruptive to the guild in general. I had valuable members /gquit, refuse to raid with another member, and even transfer servers over relationship issues. I had jealous members turn openly hostile in raid or guild chat. I personally 'listened' to far more than I ever wanted from members who were in a relationship or even married IRL and conflicted over their feeling for another player.

     

    So while it might be fun on a player-to-playe level, it's important to keep in mind that you're still in a "massively multiplayer" online environment where your actions can affect more than just yourself and your "partner" and that there are people who are not your friends that nevertheless depend on you as a player to uphold your end of the deal to make the guild/raid/party a pleasant experience.

  • calranthecalranthe stoke on trentPosts: 356Member
    Originally posted by Rockhide

    I was an officer in a mostly adult guild in WoW and "romantic" relationships between our members were a headache for me and often became disruptive to the guild in general. I had valuable members /gquit, refuse to raid with another member, and even transfer servers over relationship issues. I had jealous members turn openly hostile in raid or guild chat. I personally 'listened' to far more than I ever wanted from members who were in a relationship or even married IRL and conflicted over their feeling for another player.

     

    So while it might be fun on a player-to-playe level, it's important to keep in mind that you're still in a "massively multiplayer" online environment where your actions can affect more than just yourself and your "partner" and that there are people who are not your friends that nevertheless depend on you as a player to uphold your end of the deal to make the guild/raid/party a pleasant experience.

    I would definetly put a relationship before a guild raid or "guild happy time pleasant feelings" a lot of guilds do not last even one game let alone the span of time a real relationship.

    I have run my fair share of online corps and guilds part of being in charge is being able to mediate these issues a quality leadership group will be able to do so.

    On the other hand I have been part of guilds where those very relationships and loves created bonds and grouping that far surpassed the normal "its just a game" group. I remember one time a girlfriend multi-tasked and coordinated 30 people for me on a project while I had to go to london and because of our relationship there was no one I trusted more to the task.

     

  • RockhideRockhide Chicagoland, ILPosts: 155Member
    Originally posted by calranthe
    Originally posted by Rockhide

    I was an officer in a mostly adult guild in WoW and "romantic" relationships between our members were a headache for me and often became disruptive to the guild in general. I had valuable members /gquit, refuse to raid with another member, and even transfer servers over relationship issues. I had jealous members turn openly hostile in raid or guild chat. I personally 'listened' to far more than I ever wanted from members who were in a relationship or even married IRL and conflicted over their feeling for another player.

     

    So while it might be fun on a player-to-playe level, it's important to keep in mind that you're still in a "massively multiplayer" online environment where your actions can affect more than just yourself and your "partner" and that there are people who are not your friends that nevertheless depend on you as a player to uphold your end of the deal to make the guild/raid/party a pleasant experience.

    I would definetly put a relationship before a guild raid or "guild happy time pleasant feelings" a lot of guilds do not last even one game let alone the span of time a real relationship.

    The same could be said for many real relationships failing to last as long as it takes a guild to clear a single raid.

    A quality relationship is for most people certainly worth far more than one's experience with an MMO guild, but the attitude that your guildmates, who have at some level made a commitment to you, can be safely walked all over during your anger or quest for revenge or to prove a point or the myriad of other relationship conflicts that arise on a regular basis is IMO disappointing ... at best.

    I have run my fair share of online corps and guilds part of being in charge is being able to mediate these issues a quality leadership group will be able to do so.

    Your underhanded insult is noted.  Perhaps the medical community should be referring people with relationship problems to MMO guilds with quality leadership.   The ability to find solutions to relationship issues -- somebody lying about their relationship status or pressuring somebody into a divorce --  that avoid a negative impact on outside parties, children for example, is exactly what many people are looking for.

    On the other hand I have been part of guilds where those very relationships and loves created bonds and grouping that far surpassed the normal "its just a game" group. I remember one time a girlfriend multi-tasked and coordinated 30 people for me on a project while I had to go to london and because of our relationship there was no one I trusted more to the task.

    Your experience proves that online relationships carried on in an MMO are extremely posititve.  My experience was obviously wrong.  I apologize.

     

  • JemcrystalJemcrystal Champaign, ILPosts: 1,548Member Uncommon

    I keep hearing about people that "met in game."  I guess it could happen.  When I first started playing mmorpg's I was very naive and wanted a boyfriend.  I almost got in a relationship with a women who played as a man.  I had a boyfriend who was to young for me and whose mother threatened to call the police and grounded him.  Honestly, I didn't know he was 17.  When he found out I was a dude playing a girl he told me to bug off.  I had a hard time defining the difference between "role-playing" and when it got "real."  I met another dude playing a female char but when some homo-hater in our party found out he was gay they wouldn't shut up kept calling him names.  Kinda ruined the moment.  We meet again later in game but were to busy actually playing the game to think about a relationship.  That is about the time I thought maybe I should stop using mmorpg's as dating services and actually play, lol.  Then I met this other dude with personal dysfunction (I wont mention what to keep this rated PG) and that was it for me.  I said screw online dating I'm just a vanilla gamer from here on out.  I have been happy ever since I made that decision years ago.


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