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General: Every Guild Member Ever

SBFordSBFord Associate Editor - News ManagerThe Land of AZPosts: 17,584MMORPG.COM Staff Uncommon

Many of us actually realize that social activity in MMOs is fun, weird uncle in the guild house included. In today's Coyote's Howling, we take a look at that online family that we know and love, identifying each one by type. See if you see YOUR virtual family in today's column. Have other ideas? Leave them in the comments.

The Jilted Lover - The Jilted lover has been hurt in the past and the event was so traumatic that they've never been able to enjoy a video game since. No game will ever live up to the quality of the game that they remember before the change that ruined their life.

Read more Coyote's Howling: Every Guild Member Ever.


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Follow me on Twitter: @MMORPGMom



  • 77lolmac7777lolmac77 Herp Derp, PAPosts: 496Member
    How about the Fortune 500 Guild Leader

    "They are the best guild on the server, and unless your resume is as long as the patch notes you will probably never get into this guild. Unless you are a Sarlacc Pit, then certain exemptions may apply"
  • WhiteLanternWhiteLantern Nevada, MOPosts: 2,732Member Uncommon

    Oh they have teeth. Trust me. Big teeth. Sharp teeth.

    I want a mmorpg where people have gone through misery, have gone through school stuff and actually have had sex even. -sagil

  • BeegsBeegs InvernessPosts: 107Member

    I can only imagine this was as tedious to write as it was to read.

    r.i.p. c!

  • Sandor_PhrogSandor_Phrog Tampa, FLPosts: 16Member

    If you had published this a couple days ago I would have tried very hard to force choke you from across the country.  But now that I got the game running and it's just other people who are having the problem, it's funny!

  • moosecatlolmoosecatlol Boring, TXPosts: 1,257Member Uncommon

    Hah, it's pretty funny when you can put a name to each of these scenarios.

  • OzmodanOzmodan Hilliard, OHPosts: 7,341Member Uncommon

    Not sure why posters have great fun pigeonholing people into catagories.  Guilds to me are groups that help each other out and do the multiplayer quests.  It is a game and delving deeper than that is a waste of time.  I play games to have fun, not worry about who I am playing with.

  • AkaisAkais Memphis, TNPosts: 274Member Uncommon

    Sad but, true read.

    I can think of every guild I've ever been in and can find pick each of these out in almost every one (Why do the Sarlaac Pits always seem to be from Australia?).

    I even spotted myself dependant on the game.

    The spousal abuse thing was a little unnerving though and could have done without that.

  • Not sure why people cant read a fun article and just have a laugh about it. So serious.


    On another note; I have met all these people, personally i think a lot of people fit into several of these on varying degrees.


    Good read, thank you.

  • stragen001stragen001 ReadingPosts: 1,720Member Uncommon

    Funny, but the spousal abuse thing was totally uncalled for. Reported. 

    Cluck Cluck, Gibber Gibber, My Old Mans A Mushroom

  • PieRadPieRad Odense MPosts: 1,108Member

    Always fun to label people, no, I mean it, especially if they get offended.




    Lol'd at 2 post's above mine... first describes the second.


  • NURTANURTA Red Lion, PAPosts: 21Member

    I keep waiting for the day when people realize you're being funny.  

  • IkedaIkeda Largo, FLPosts: 2,285Member Uncommon

    I dunno.  I always feel like the Guy on the Couch.  I don't socially interact with people in my guild, I'm always around, and I'm always paying attention.  I use tidbits discussed in guild chat to identify people but more or less I just exist there.

    I kind of enjoy just being a name that randomly talks to people though.

  • AnirethAnireth Posts: 641Member Uncommon

    I think, to 90% of the players, this categorizes do not apply, or only partially.

    There are those that always go afk for an hour as soon as everyone is ready and come back the moment somebody left because it's taking to long. Usually they take quite a while to join your group in the first place because they had to go afk..

    There are those that always want to join, but always have to finish something else first, no matter how long ago they knew when they have to be ready. Some take this to the top and actually wait until everybody else is ready before they start doing what they absolutely *have* to finish..

    There are also those that are always there, always ready, immediately join your group, already prepared the gear and everything..but have to do something else the moment everybody is ready.

    There are also those that never know what to do, no matter how often it was explained, and they more they pretended to know before you started, the less they actually know.

    I can understand where the couch guy comes from, and i know the Doogie Howser  - except that they are not 11 years old usually. So the punchline of this category is kinda lost.

    I'll wait to the day's end when the moon is high
    And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
    Amass an army, and we'll harness a horde
    And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore

  • leojreimrocleojreimroc Toronto, ONPosts: 371Member

    Example of Sarlacc pit?



  • badgererbadgerer ChchPosts: 90Member

    Oddly enough, this really makes me miss my WoW guild

  • Cyberdeck7Cyberdeck7 Fingerlakes area, NYPosts: 239Member

    Originally posted by Ecoces

    [Mod Edit]
  • evolver1972evolver1972 Port Orchard, WAPosts: 1,118Member

    I love the guild member who can't spell a damn thing right, yet they've always got something to say.  :)


    Also, Coyote, it's Punxsutawney Phil....


    You want me to pay to play a game I already paid for???

    Be afraid.....The dragons are HERE!

  • TardcoreTardcore MinskPosts: 2,325Member

    Excellent with teh funny as uasual Mr Coyote.


    I'm always the "Guy on the couch" member. It stems from my days in Shadowbane where I'd use my anonymity to rob guilds blind after they foolishly put me into a position of power.


    I feel there is room for few more member types though. You left out Cult Of Personality. Simliar to the Saarlac Pit, this guild memeber garners wide guild friendship with his or her magnetic personality. And then when their fame as at its height, more often then not leaves the guild in a huff over the most minor of offences, taking a large amount of the guild with them.


    "Gypsies, tramps, and thieves, we were called by the Admin of the site . . . "

  • black_isleblack_isle IstanbulPosts: 241Member Uncommon

    I lol'ed at Neo; "Even if there is a server crash and you quickly log back in, he’s still there" LOL.

    But domestic violence thing is very offensive and uncalled for, it needs to go.

  • RealedazedRealedazed Washington, DCPosts: 104Member Uncommon

    I'm totally a Temporal Flux, or an occasional one.  I play at night when everyone in my house asleep, since that's the only time I get some time to myself.  I have a 2 year old who sometimes wakes up at night. I go to put him back to sleep, but if he needs comforting, it'll take me longer. I've fallen alseep with him so many times.  And he always wakes up just as I'm about to do something, never when I'm just running around or just chatting,

    Also, I love the Neo. I think I know a real life one too. In community college I used to be in the gaming club and there was this guy, who was always there, no matter what. I don't think he even went to class and some semesters, I did't think that he was even enrolled.

  • RojiinRojiin Starkville, MSPosts: 51Member

    Guy on the Couch.....Guilty.

  • opposedcrowopposedcrow Framingham, MAPosts: 55Member

    The battered housewife thing was a bit too far...I can only imagine the hell-storm that will be conjured if any feminists happen to stumble onto this article, but the rest was pretyy funny and actually very spot-on from what I've seen during my time spent in guilds.

    One of my WoW characters is currently in a guild with the strangest guild leader ever. She's super nice, really friendly, goes out of her way to make people in the guild feel welcome, but she also has a bad habit of asking for really rediculous favors. I don't think I've ever said more than five words to her and one day she just randomly asks me if I could make a mechano hog (really expensive mount) for her for free after she noticed I was an engineer.

    Another time she wanted people to come help her lvl 70 alt farm Tempest Keep for the White Hawkstrider. She didn't pre-plan it or set up a guild event or anything just randomly asked in guild chat if anyone wanted to help.

  • CursedseiCursedsei Clarkston, MIPosts: 1,012Member

    Originally posted by Ozmodan

    Not sure why posters have great fun pigeonholing people into catagories.  Guilds to me are groups that help each other out and do the multiplayer quests.  It is a game and delving deeper than that is a waste of time.  I play games to have fun, not worry about who I am playing with.

    Did you hear that...? That "whoosh" noise? That was the sound of a satirical article fluttering over your head.


    As for the article, I don't know if I should feel bad about laughing at the Spousal abuse joke... specially the note at the end... Mr. Howling I believe you have moved my allignment a little closer to Chaotic Evil now...

  • pierthpierth San Antonio, TXPosts: 1,492Member Uncommon

    I think I received the same content as the article as an e-mail forward like, 7 years ago, or perhaps in one of several reposts of virtually the same content on any MMO's general forum. That notwithstanding- if you find yourself in the same guild as any of these types (aside from perhaps Doogie- MMOs could use more "kids" like that than what we commonly see) then I'd suspect your guild has no quality control whatsoever.

  • dpcollier128dpcollier128 Englewood, COPosts: 38Member

    I'm an ALTon Brown, PWNer of a Lonely Heart, Neo, Guy on the Couch, and Jilted Lover; in that order. I discovered the phases of my guild personality while playing that one most popular MMORPG... You all know the one I mean. This article is more about the phases I went through playing that one game than any single description of me as an MMORPG gamer or guild mate.

    That's right... I'm the everygamer! LOL

    What'll happen with my next MMO? Ask me a month to a year after GW2 comes out. :) I hope for a Doogie Howser (I'm actually 23 tho...) or another Neo phase... on second thought, ALTon Brown; cause alts are how I play and who I am!

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