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Star Wars: The Old Republic: The Dorkside - An Honest Review

SBFordSBFord Associate Editor - News ManagerThe Land of AZPosts: 16,583MMORPG.COM Staff Uncommon

There are two things that are always sure to twitter-pate our readership: Coyote Sharptongue's pithy MMO commentary and Star Wars: The Old Republic. Today we bring you the best of both in our latest Coyote's Howling. Read on!

One of the best things about being a humorist is that I get to be completely honest. Well, that and the throng of sex starved, supermodel groupies that flock to you as soon as you're paid to tell poop jokes on the internet, but it's mostly that honesty thing.

You see, I don't have to follow the rules and guidelines that bog down the other contributors. Where they have to focus on petty things like "facts" and "research" and "professional conduct", I get to cut through all the politics and bullsh*t in order to bring you the truth.

Read more Coyote's Howling: The Dorkside - An Honest Review.

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Associate Editor: MMORPG.com
Follow me on Twitter: @MMORPGMom

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Comments

  • SkillCosbySkillCosby Trenton, MIPosts: 684Member

    I can think of about 50 more weaknesses.

    This read is very biased.

  • niceguy3978niceguy3978 Gainesville, FLPosts: 2,000Member

    Good read.  I do agree with most of what you said, but I must say that yes, your Smuggler does have herpes after all of those strange one night stands.  However, the games character customization can't handle that so it auto puts on makeup to cover them up.

  • StrumikerStrumiker Ellendale, NDPosts: 31Member

    Wow, he really went out on a limb to make this "honest" review... except the branch is made of cement that is four feet thick and supported by steel rope.



     

  • SirGradySirGrady Frankfurt Am MainPosts: 23Member Uncommon

    pfff

  • lalartulalartu SeoulPosts: 444Member

    I thought it was supposed to be funny? He promised the funnies!

    Join me on Twitter @WhatDaMath
    http://twitter.com/WhatDaMath
    I review lots of indie games and MMORPGs

  • WhiteLanternWhiteLantern Nevada, MOPosts: 2,732Member

    /Rage

     

    Another paid-off, brown-nosing, boot-licking, wouldn't-know-a-good-game-if-it-hit-him-in-the-junk Themepark lover on MMORPG.com.

     

    /More Rage

     

    You didn't even point out the most glaring weaknesses!

     

    /Blood-boiling Rage

     

    I'll never read your work again!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    In before the previous thoughts happen for realz. Maybe.

    I want a mmorpg where people have gone through misery, have gone through school stuff and actually have had sex even. -sagil

  • TenebrosoTenebroso Fresno, CAPosts: 262Member
    So why can you say Dorkside for Darkside, but can't say Dorkfail for Darkfalll? According to the moderators you can get banned for that. I wasn't going to say anything, but I got a 48 hour ban last week for calling someone a dork....I guess that's flaming/trolling?
  • TheLizardbonesTheLizardbones Arkham, VAPosts: 10,910Member


    Originally posted by Tenebroso
    So why can you say Dorkside for Darkside, but can't say Dorkfail for Darkfalll? According to the moderators you can get banned for that. I wasn't going to say anything, but I got a 48 hour ban last week for calling someone a dork....I guess that's flaming/trolling?

    You're not named Coyote.

    I can not remember winning or losing a single debate on the internet.

  • TenebrosoTenebroso Fresno, CAPosts: 262Member
    Originally posted by lizardbones

    Originally posted by Tenebroso
    So why can you say Dorkside for Darkside, but can't say Dorkfail for Darkfalll? According to the moderators you can get banned for that. I wasn't going to say anything, but I got a 48 hour ban last week for calling someone a dork....I guess that's flaming/trolling?

    You're not named Coyote.

     

    I m not coyote, I am the spawn of gollums butt sex with Michael Jackson. Didnt you see my picture?
  • ropeniceropenice Lake Worth, FLPosts: 587Member Uncommon

    Originally posted by precious328

    I can think of about 50 more weaknesses.

    This read is very biased.




     

    Can you skip at least one TOR thread? Never seen such dedication.

  • DracillDracill Miami, FLPosts: 158Member
    @lalartu: the fun part is going to be the comments.... as soon as the haters leave the 1.7 million means nothing topics.
  • RobsolfRobsolf Grand Rapids, MIPosts: 4,246Member Uncommon

    Wrong!!!

    Space Eye Herpes looks NOTHING like that.

    On the taxi question:  On city planets, you'll notice that you CAN go anywhere right off the bat; because they ARE taxi's.  On other planets however, they are faction issued, as is evidenced by statements like:  "ground transportation is for official use only".  Ya think Balmorra, the beseigned prison planet has civilian cabs all over?

    Just as silly as YOU driving your own transport, is the fact that you're apparently too important for your companion to ride along with you.  Take that, and your dismissive backhand wave when you send them off to sell stuff, there's all kinds of reason for them to kick you in the junk and break off on their own.

    Lastly, amen on the Market UI...

     

  • TheLizardbonesTheLizardbones Arkham, VAPosts: 10,910Member


    Originally posted by Tenebroso

    Originally posted by lizardbones


    Originally posted by Tenebroso
    So why can you say Dorkside for Darkside, but can't say Dorkfail for Darkfalll? According to the moderators you can get banned for that. I wasn't going to say anything, but I got a 48 hour ban last week for calling someone a dork....I guess that's flaming/trolling?

    You're not named Coyote.

     

    I m not coyote, I am the spawn of gollums butt sex with Michael Jackson. Didnt you see my picture?



    Try changing your picture to a hamster or something cute, then see if you can use 'Darkfail' or call someone a dork. You might even try a picture of a Coyote puppy. I don't think this will work mind you, but it might be fun to watch*.

    * For me.

    ** edit **
    Like this:
    image

    How can you not like that?

    I can not remember winning or losing a single debate on the internet.

  • TheLizardbonesTheLizardbones Arkham, VAPosts: 10,910Member


    Originally posted by Robsolf
    Wrong!!!
    Space Eye Herpes looks NOTHING like that.
    On the taxi question:  On city planets, you'll notice that you CAN go anywhere right off the bat; because they ARE taxi's.  On other planets however, they are faction issued, as is evidenced by statements like:  "ground transportation is for official use only".  Ya think Balmorra, the beseigned prison planet has civilian cabs all over?
    Just as silly as YOU driving your own transport, is the fact that you're apparently too important for your companion to ride along with you.  Take that, and your dismissive backhand wave when you send them off to sell stuff, there's all kinds of reason for them to kick you in the junk and break off on their own.
    Lastly, amen on the Market UI...
     


    Yeah, the Market UI is a pain to work with. Google has spoiled the entire world.

    My one actual pet peeve is the red force fields. If a zone is for another class, let me walk in, but see generic content. If a zone is something I've completed, let me see it in the state I left it in, or even empty. It's almost worse than invisible walls and areas that kill you just for walking out too far.

    I can not remember winning or losing a single debate on the internet.

  • RobsolfRobsolf Grand Rapids, MIPosts: 4,246Member Uncommon

    Originally posted by lizardbones

     












    Yeah, the Market UI is a pain to work with. Google has spoiled the entire world.



    My one actual pet peeve is the red force fields. If a zone is for another class, let me walk in, but see generic content. If a zone is something I've completed, let me see it in the state I left it in, or even empty. It's almost worse than invisible walls and areas that kill you just for walking out too far.

     

    I never really gave it much thought, but yeah, that would be nice.  Populate the areas with bonus mobs and leave it at that.  If I was new to the game, though, it would drive me nuts going into a place that looks REALLY significant, but isn't.  I remember going to underground bases in pre-nge SWG where I had no missions and feeling like... "this is it?  I'm in the middle of a Tusken Raider fortress and all there is are a bunch of tusken raiders to kill?"

  • atticusbcatticusbc Burlington, VTPosts: 1,069Member

    Originally posted by precious328

    I can think of about 50 more weaknesses.

    This read is very biased.

    i know right? it's almost like... an opinion.

  • TheLizardbonesTheLizardbones Arkham, VAPosts: 10,910Member


    Originally posted by Robsolf

    Originally posted by lizardbones
     






    Yeah, the Market UI is a pain to work with. Google has spoiled the entire world.

    My one actual pet peeve is the red force fields. If a zone is for another class, let me walk in, but see generic content. If a zone is something I've completed, let me see it in the state I left it in, or even empty. It's almost worse than invisible walls and areas that kill you just for walking out too far.

     


    I never really gave it much thought, but yeah, that would be nice.  Populate the areas with bonus mobs and leave it at that.  If I was new to the game, though, it would drive me nuts going into a place that looks REALLY significant, but isn't.  I remember going to underground bases in pre-nge SWG where I had no missions and feeling like... "this is it?  I'm in the middle of a Tusken Raider fortress and all there is are a bunch of tusken raiders to kill?"



    I've noticed a lot of the other stuff that people have mentioned and some stuff that a friend mentioned after playing Skyrim for a couple months, but those red force fields are the only thing I'd like them to change right now. It could just be that I don't want to see something that is saying, "This is not for you, go away!" I'm apparently just fine with green force fields that are just for me, to satisfy my, "I'm a special snowflake" portion of my monkey brain.

    I can not remember winning or losing a single debate on the internet.

  • n3v3rriv3rn3v3rriv3r NowherePosts: 349Member Uncommon

    Haha ... hmmm... wait...ahhh... nope. The game is still not fun for me.

    Btw what the heck is a honest review? Like a nonpersonal opinion?

     

  • niceguy3978niceguy3978 Gainesville, FLPosts: 2,000Member

    Part of the problem here is that for some people on these boards if someone puts the word "honest" in their title that means they should only be critical of the game, otherwise they're not really being honest.  Honesty = saying the game isn't very good or is mediocre at best, shill = saying you like the game.

  • KyleranKyleran Tampa, FLPosts: 19,980Member Uncommon

    Not one of Coyote's best articles, he should have mocked it more, even the parts that he liked....

     

    In my day MMORPG's were so hard we fought our way through dungeons in the snow, uphill both ways.
    "I don't have one life, I have many lives" - Grunty
    Still currently "subscribed" to EVE, and only EVE!!!
    "This is the most intelligent, well qualified and articulate response to a post I have ever seen on these forums. It's a shame most people here won't have the attention span to read past the second line." - Anon

  • TardcoreTardcore MinskPosts: 2,325Member


    image

    "Gypsies, tramps, and thieves, we were called by the Admin of the site . . . "

  • ZeprimusZeprimus Southern MN, MNPosts: 40Member

    My level 33 smuggler has nailed five NPC’s so far.

    FIVE.

    And he doesn’t even have the Sith corruption herpes. Well…not on his face.

    Haha, I loved this. Best part about not playing a Jedi is all the poon you're able to get.

    For people who call a review 'biased' - are you familiar with what that word means? Every review, ever, is biased. Bias is one of the key contributing factors to opinions, and opinions are generally what we call personal thoughts on subjects/items/people/etc. Then again, personal thoughts lead to the darkside, so if you're looking for a review of the game without any bias, this may help you.

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  • VhalnVhaln Chicago, ILPosts: 3,159Member

    Sorry, you lost me at,

     

    I have never been this captivated with a storyline in an MMORPG in my life.

    I get that some people legitmately like TOR, without being shills or whatever else.  I'm not sure what's wrong with those people, but I do get that image

     

    When I want a single-player story, I'll play a single-player game. When I play an MMO, I want a massively multiplayer world.

  • OmnifishOmnifish LondonPosts: 616Member

    'Clearly you've been paid off Coyote because you don't share the same opinion as me, even though last week I thought you were funny, now your evil!!!!'

    'EA lies about numbers!!!'

    'This game sucks and should die because the, 'industry', that I really love, honest, doesn't need it. It has nothing to do with me and the fact that I don't like the game, it's about the industry, because you know...I LOVE IT!!!!!'

    *Haters heads explode*

     

    See I've saved you all the hassle of commenting, aren't I nice? :P

    This looks like a job for....The Riviera Kid!

  • n3v3rriv3rn3v3rriv3r NowherePosts: 349Member Uncommon

    Originally posted by Zeprimus



    My level 33 smuggler has nailed five NPC’s so far.

    FIVE.

    And he doesn’t even have the Sith corruption herpes. Well…not on his face.

    Haha, I loved this. Best part about not playing a Jedi is all the poon you're able to get.

    For people who call a review 'biased' - are you familiar with what that word means? Every review, ever, is biased. Bias is one of the key contributing factors to opinions, and opinions are generally what we call personal thoughts on subjects/items/people/etc. Then again, personal thoughts lead to the darkside, so if you're looking for a review of the game without any bias, this may help you.

    Well at least is honest. I honestly believe that the earth is 6000 years old ... well maybe not image but I dont like when someone uses the word "honest" to give weight to an argument.

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