DivorceOnline claims that 15% of all divorces are related to online gaming - namely WoW and CoD.

depaindepain gibraltar, MIMember Posts: 263

http://gamepolitics.com/2011/05/30/divorce-online-15-percent-divorces-due-game-addiction

 

Divorce Online, a website dedicated to getting rid of that dead weight in your marriage, claims that 15 percent of the divorces it has handled can be attributed to spouses that are addicted to online games such as world of Warcraft and Call of Duty.

According to a press release issued by Divorce Online, an examination of 200 unreasonable behavior petitions filed by women using its service between January - April of this year found that 15 percent complained that their husbands were happier playing video games than they were paying attention to them. They called their "gaming addiction" an unreasonable behavior that lead to the divorce they were seeking.

The release also offers comments from one disgruntled 21-year-old wife from London named Jessica Ellis, 24, who married husband Michael in 2008.

"He was addicted to World of Warcraft but played other games now and then," said Jessica. "When it became serious he was playing up to eight hours a day and I threatened to leave. He then stopped playing World of Warcraft for a while and started playing Call of Duty instead but the amount he was playing just gradually increased until I could not take it anymore. It got so bad that he even organised to play on the day of our second wedding anniversary as we had decided to go out at the weekend instead. I was constantly trying to get him to cut back but he didn't think he had a problem or was doing anything wrong until I told him I wanted to leave but by that time it was too late.”

They also tap professional game addict Ryan G. Van Cleave, who you may know from his book "Unplugged: My Journey Into The Dark World Of Video Game Addiction." The book is about how Ryan lost everything to his extreme addiction to World of Warcraft.

“A lot of the problem spouses encounter with video game addiction is that the non-gamer doesn't appreciate that it's an addiction," said Van Cleave. "This means it's not a choice to spend so much time in a virtual environment versus time with the spouse and family. It's a compulsion. Trying to explain video game addiction to a non-addict is a lot like trying to explain to a fish what it's like to drive a car. It's no surprise that ‘gamer widows’ feel so insulted and disrespected that the most common advice given in gamer widow chat sites and websites is ‘Run for your life.’ The reality is that with the proper professional support, a video game addict, like any other type of addict, can overcome the addiction."

"The increase in the number of video game addiction cases could be a consequence of the recession, or it might be being used by men in particular as a means of escape from an already unhappy relationship," Mark Keenan, Managing Director of Divorce Online.

Divorce Online is a do-it-yourself uncontested divorce website in the UK and has helped more than 68,000 couples file their own divorce proceedings without needing lawyers. For more information on Divorce Online, visit www.divorce-online.co.uk.

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Comments

  • AdamantineAdamantine NowhereMember UncommonPosts: 3,961

    As far as I know, nobody has ever proved the existence of online addiction or MMO addiction as an actual medical condition.

    If someone is "addicted" like that, its the result of unhappiness with their own lives.

    If said unhappiness is fixed, the "addiction" is gone, too.

    This is NOT how real addictions work.

  • depaindepain gibraltar, MIMember Posts: 263

    I can totally understand the issue. I was a borderline addict during the launch of Star Wars Galaxies and Unreal Tournament. I'm shocked that my wife (girlfriend at the time) didn't dump me during the plunge. I remember getting to the point where I would log into the game without intent on doing anything. I would just log in... bored out of my mind. This, however, was nearly 7-8 years ago.

    I haven't gamed much at all since then. When I do, it's usually for about an hour or so... if at all.

  • KyleranKyleran Paradise City, FLMember LegendaryPosts: 26,030

    I believe it actually.  When one spouse enjoys some activity (could be excessive sports viewing, playing or whatever) the other spouse may feel alienated.  In my father's case it was sports, he was unaccessable in many cases during key sporting events but fortunately only had one real passion, Pro NFL football, so it didn't get too far out of hand.  Some men I know watch all sports, all the time, and I'm sure their marriage suffers.

    While I do game a lot (15-25 hrs a week), I never considered it excessive, and I never put gaming in front of my family responsibilities. (though I suspect some family members might disagree)

    I was once presented an ultimatum, give up gaming or else.  I chose the "or else" and yet I'm still married. 

    Its probably true by the way, I enjoy my virtual life vs my more mundane real life existance, there just aren't enough dragons in real life to slay anymore. 

    On hiatus from EVE Online since Dec 2016 - Screw off-grid PVE boosting changes

    In my day MMORPG's were so hard we fought our way through dungeons in the snow, uphill both ways.

    Don't just play games, inhabit virtual worlds™
    "This is the most intelligent, well qualified and articulate response to a post I have ever seen on these forums. It's a shame most people here won't have the attention span to read past the second line." - Anon


  • Swollen_BeefSwollen_Beef Tampa, FLMember UncommonPosts: 190

    The article (and in fact, every "gaming addiction" article ever written) never asks how "clingy" someone was. Maybe she was on his case 24/7, texting him 40 times a day at work, then constantly badgering him the moment he walks in the door. 

    but for some, spending 20 hours a day together works for them.

    A buddy of mine and his GF cannot be seperated. They spend their breaks and lunch together, text one another constantly while working, and are rarely in different rooms at home. 

    For some, i think they would've murdered the other long ago. 

    Some people only have the attention span do deal with people in short bursts, others can deal with them all day long.

     

    I would argue in some cases, the game is the symptom, not the cause.

  • JammaslamJammaslam Jefferson, GAMember Posts: 265

    I still dont understand why so many feel obligated to get married when they deep down do not enjoy the experience (monkey see, monkey I do).  Never been married,  and am happily ever-after not married.   

  • KalferKalfer HappylandMember Posts: 779

    I can't be the only one facepalming over the sheer stupidity on display here. Oh my science, for realz!

     

     

    Here is another one for you - 90% of all divorces are also related to chicken. 9 out of 10 people who get divorced regularly eat chicken. I think this means that we can conclude that people have no will of their own, and thus we must blame external objects.

     

    This is also why violent video games make people kill each other. It's completely logical and make total sense. Nobody should take responsibility of their own actions, and whenever someone falls into a binge for whatever reason we should all call it an "addiction" as this removes some of the blame from our hopeless selfs.

     

     

    Video gaming is particularly addicting. It's a much more powerful substance than both coke and heroin and EVEN HASH! It can be snorted, smoked or eaten in brownies, and people can die just from eating them, as the DVD roms can cut their throats as they try to chew and swallow them. It's basically like eating razor blades.. only your addicted to them.

     

     

  • NilenyaNilenya TMIMember UncommonPosts: 364

    I think the statistic needs to be viewed in the light of who would choose an online service for divorcing? Im sure there is some correlation between that and people who are also into online entertainment, age and culture - as opposed to marriages that end in divorce and go through the usual channels of lawyers and courts.

     

    The case highlighted a 21 yr old females reason for seeking divorce.

    Im also wondering if the 21 yr old in question who has married at such a young age would infact have the tools to deal with any kind of conflict that could ultimately lead to divorce. And wether you would be wrong to say, maybe marrying too young accounts for a larger percentage of divorce than online addiction.

     

    Just saying, statistics mean very little when they are just based on the reported reason for seeking divorce, without factoring in age, culture, what makes up the time consumption needed in order to file under addiction, and so on so forth.

    ----- wall of slightly irrelevant text inc: -----

    My husband plays mmo's- And a lot. Since EQ1 I'd wager maybe 75+% of his hours off work is spent on this on weekdays, on weekends more. When a game has just gone retail he plays every hour he is awake for the first week, and sometimes take days off work to play. And I dont mind. I think its great to have him home, to bake for him, cook for him and just fuss about as he kills stuff with his character in a game.

    In my opinion it is of no concern to me wether he spends his free time watching the tele, playing football, visiting the pub with his friends, or collecting stamps. He is my best friend and whatever his gaming interests are, they have never stopped him from being my best friend in return. The time he does spend with me is 100% on my terms because he has lots to give after all he recieves. That ladies and gents is the secret of a good marriage. Give without taking.

    I have no desire to change his ways of entertaining himself, as I see it gives him a lot of joy and social connections that are meaningful to him, and I never married him so that he would spend his time entertaining me. I find the whole; pay me more attention issue to be ludicrious, seriously.. wtf? A spouse is not there to make you feel more real or to confirm that you are breathing. If you can't do that yourself, you are not supposed to get married at all. Other people are not your crutches.

    I decided to try and understand this culture myself several years ago and sometimes pick up games to play with him too, although I loose the drive to play rather quickly too :) I guess my point is. I dont think online addiction is real, but I think there are real issues that cause people to flee their lives and live through the online outlets available to them. There is a huge difference in my eyes. Most people who are not willing to research what gaming is about, in order to find common ground with their spouse, will have just as hard a time dealing with the time consumed by gaming as they would had their spouse been gone from the house due to work, hobbies, friends etc and left the spouse with the same amount of attention.

    The solution; Do not marry someone if you expect to change their habits to make them suit your needs after the marriage. Only marry if you know you are tolerant and accepting of how they are and who they are before you marry. - Thats why young people shouldnt marry. They are in essence each the center of the universe and unable to deviate from that notion untill they mature through simple life experience of how the reality of that notion works out.

    Anyways, going on 8yrs of marriage to a pretty hardcore gamer here. And I wouldnt want him to change his ways. Its lovely to know what he is doing, where he is, and spoil him rotten while he is happy being left to do what he wants. Its incredibly easy being the perfect wife to someone who gets so much of what he needs outside the marriage. I dont know why these girls think they ought to be everything their husbands would need to speak to, look at and deal with. Its just incredibly stupid to me, but I remember reading about prince charming too, and it was pretty narcissistic love both ways. I guess that many people still believe, even as adults that love is about being consumed by eachother 24/7 all the long years of your life. Frankly it makes me giggle. But dear lord its sad that so many people have these ideas and get hurt figuring out how life with someone else really works.

  • ThaneThane berlinMember RarePosts: 2,764

    Originally posted by Adamantine

    As far as I know, nobody has ever proved the existence of online addiction or MMO addiction as an actual medical condition.
    If someone is "addicted" like that, its the result of unhappiness with their own lives.
    If said unhappiness is fixed, the "addiction" is gone, too.
    This is NOT how real addictions work.

     

    actually the koreans did.

     

    you can get addicted to EVERYTHING; you dont actually need addicting substances in the "drug" to get addicted. your body is quite cappable of producing them "him-/herself" :)

    "I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!"

  • Swollen_BeefSwollen_Beef Tampa, FLMember UncommonPosts: 190

    Originally posted by Kalfer

    I can't be the only one facepalming over the sheer stupidity on display here. Oh my science, for realz!
     
     
    Here is another one for you - 90% of all divorces are also related to chicken. 9 out of 10 people who get divorced regularly eat chicken. I think this means that we can conclude that people have no will of their own, and thus we must blame external objects.
     
    This is also why violent video games make people kill each other. It's completely logical and make total sense. Nobody should take responsibility of their own actions, and whenever someone falls into a binge for whatever reason we should all call it an "addiction" as this removes some of the blame from our hopeless selfs.
     
     
    Video gaming is particularly addicting. It's a much more powerful substance than both coke and heroin and EVEN HASH! It can be snorted, smoked or eaten in brownies, and people can die just from eating them, as the DVD roms can cut their throats as they try to chew and swallow them. It's basically like eating razor blades.. only your addicted to them.
     
     

    Correlation =/= Causation 

    Like i said, there are more questions that need asked rather than just, "He played a video game? OMFG HE IS AN ADDICT!"

    My grandparents are the classic 11 o'clock news knee jerkers. My grandmother loves to preach to me about the effects of marijuana. "All it takes is just being around someone who smokes it and you're addicted." That old gag.

  • nyxiumnyxium Member UncommonPosts: 1,236

    I should start making games. I'd love to add to that statistic. Then people will really have to work at relationships rather than take each other for granted with impressing one another and instead liking others with similar interests. Gamers will marry gamers. If people divorce because of computer games, then I'm sorry, but perhaps they should not have been together in the first place.

    image
  • ThaneThane berlinMember RarePosts: 2,764

    Originally posted by nyxium

    I should start making games. I'd love to add to that statistic. Then people will really have to work at relationships rather than take each other for granted with impressing one another and instead liking others with similar interests. Gamers will marry gamers. If people divorce because of computer games, then I'm sorry, but perhaps they should not have been together in the first place.

     

    valid point, females so often start a marriage with the thought "i can change him!"

    you don't need to change a person you actually love, hell, i don't even want to... i love her?

     

    it's not like he played the mmo the first time on his wedding night i guess :)

    "I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!"

  • KothosesKothoses GalwayMember UncommonPosts: 857

    Well it gets them more publicity than announcing how many are just down to infidelity boredom or drinking problems doesnt it?

     

    Anyway the truth is that statistics show the biggest cause of divorce is getting married, 100% of Divorces start with two people getting married.

    Promoting thought a new Gaming video blog http://www.youtube.com/user/quinnthalas discussing games, gamers and the internet with gameplay footage as background.

  • TerranahTerranah Stockton, CAMember UncommonPosts: 3,575

    I think gaming is the only addiction I ever really had.  I used to play precu SWG way too much, and fortunately or unfortunately I only worked 3 days a week so there was a lot of time to game.  I had tendencies toward gaming addiction before SWG though.  I used to play an fps called Star Trek Voyager.  The adrenaline rush of playing a challenging game or being on a winning streak was like crack.  I used to play all day till my hands started to hurt and that's when I switched to mmos and SWG.

     

    Being able to immerse myself in a virtual world and step into the persona of my avatar was the greatest thing ever.  It's something I used to dream about in the 1980s as I sat in class, bored out of my mind.

     

    My wife never gave me any grief about it, which surprises me to this day.  I think she thought I would just outgrow it, and I did.  These days I think she probably games more than I do.

  • Creslin321Creslin321 Baltimore, MDMember Posts: 5,359

    Okay so first, it's not the fact that people are playing games that is causing the divorces.  It's the fact that they are IGNORING THEIR SPOUSE.  Here's a tip...get off the freaking video game when your spouse needs attention, it's not that hard to understand.  I play video games all the time, and sometimes, I really feel like playing when my SO is home.  But you see, I realize that she is far more important than grinding gnolls to level up so I stop playing to game to spend time with her.

    Second, I think treating video games as an "addictive" substance is sketchy.  Sure, people can become "addicted" to anything, meaning that they will pursue their addiction to the detriment of their professional or personal life.  By this definition, you could be "addicted" to Monopoly or cooking.  But these "addictions" are NOT the same as being addicted to a drug like narcotics or alcohol.

    Many drug addicts literally become another person, they will do anything to get their drug.  If you've never known one personally, it is very similar to how Gollum is portrayed in LOTR.  He would rather die and have the ring for a few moments more than never have it again.  Many drug addicts are this extreme, and in the end, the drug addiction kills them just like it did Gollum.

    Video game "addiction" doesn't have anywhere near this drastic of an effect on people.  They may play video games when they should be working, but that's probably because they don't want to work, not because they can't avoid the siren call of the video game.

    Are you team Azeroth, team Tyria, or team Jacob?

  • Swollen_BeefSwollen_Beef Tampa, FLMember UncommonPosts: 190

    I want to see a news piece done on husbands who spend all their time building and flying model airplanes and the spouses who suffer. 

  • GemmaGemma Omaha, NEMember UncommonPosts: 337

    Originally posted by Swollen_Beef

    I want to see a news piece done on husbands who spend all their time building and flying model airplanes and the spouses who suffer. 

    ^^^ this ^^^

  • CeridithCeridith Member CommonPosts: 2,980

    Originally posted by depain

    ...
    According to a press release issued by Divorce Online, an examination of 200 unreasonable behavior petitions filed by women using its service between January - April of this year found that 15 percent complained that their husbands were happier playing video games than they were paying attention to them. They called their "gaming addiction" an unreasonable behavior that lead to the divorce they were seeking.
    ...

    Gaming addiction is a symptom, not a cause. Whether it was gaming or some other hobby or passtime that their spouse chose over them is immaterial. The point is that there was already a problem with their marriage in the first place, and gaming was simply an escape the husband chose to distance themselves from their displeasure of the state of the relationship.

    Not to defend gaming completely, but too many people blame gaming, and other 'addictions', as a cause when it's really just a symptom of a greater issue.

  • just1opinionjust1opinion Kansas City, MOMember UncommonPosts: 4,641

    Originally posted by depain

    I can totally understand the issue. I was a borderline addict during the launch of Star Wars Galaxies and Unreal Tournament. I'm shocked that my wife (girlfriend at the time) didn't dump me during the plunge. I remember getting to the point where I would log into the game without intent on doing anything. I would just log in... bored out of my mind. This, however, was nearly 7-8 years ago.
    I haven't gamed much at all since then. When I do, it's usually for about an hour or so... if at all.

     

    If you don't mind my asking....what changed in your life to curb the constant gaming?  Some other guy in the thread had the theory that gaming addiction is not addiction but rather substituting gaming in to either fill a void or soothe unhappiness and that when that unhappiness is gone, the "overgaming" would be gone too.  I don't know that I necessarily buy that and I DO believe that gaming can be an addiction. In some other countries they're already treating it as such in certain cases, and yes....medically treating it (and also psychologically).

    So what changed for you?  (You don't have to answer this, I know it's personal. I'm just looking for insight.)

    President of The Marvelously Meowhead Fan Club

  • BelightBelight wichita, KSMember Posts: 73

    Originally posted by Nilenya

    My husband plays mmo's- And a lot. Since EQ1 I'd wager maybe 75+% of his hours off work is spent on this on weekdays, on weekends more. When a game has just gone retail he plays every hour he is awake for the first week, and sometimes take days off work to play. And I dont mind. I think its great to have him home, to bake for him, cook for him and just fuss about as he kills stuff with his character in a game.
    In my opinion it is of no concern to me wether he spends his free time watching the tele, playing football, visiting the pub with his friends, or collecting stamps. He is my best friend and whatever his gaming interests are, they have never stopped him from being my best friend in return. The time he does spend with me is 100% on my terms because he has lots to give after all he recieves. That ladies and gents is the secret of a good marriage. Give without taking.
    I have no desire to change his ways of entertaining himself, as I see it gives him a lot of joy and social connections that are meaningful to him, and I never married him so that he would spend his time entertaining me. I find the whole; pay me more attention issue to be ludicrious, seriously.. wtf? A spouse is not there to make you feel more real or to confirm that you are breathing. If you can't do that yourself, you are not supposed to get married at all. Other people are not your crutches.
    I decided to try and understand this culture myself several years ago and sometimes pick up games to play with him too, although I loose the drive to play rather quickly too :) I guess my point is. I dont think online addiction is real, but I think there are real issues that cause people to flee their lives and live through the online outlets available to them. There is a huge difference in my eyes. Most people who are not willing to research what gaming is about, in order to find common ground with their spouse, will have just as hard a time dealing with the time consumed by gaming as they would had their spouse been gone from the house due to work, hobbies, friends etc and left the spouse with the same amount of attention.
    The solution; Do not marry someone if you expect to change their habits to make them suit your needs after the marriage. Only marry if you know you are tolerant and accepting of how they are and who they are before you marry. - Thats why young people shouldnt marry. They are in essence each the center of the universe and unable to deviate from that notion untill they mature through simple life experience of how the reality of that notion works out.
    Anyways, going on 8yrs of marriage to a pretty hardcore gamer here. And I wouldnt want him to change his ways. Its lovely to know what he is doing, where he is, and spoil him rotten while he is happy being left to do what he wants. Its incredibly easy being the perfect wife to someone who gets so much of what he needs outside the marriage. I dont know why these girls think they ought to be everything their husbands would need to speak to, look at and deal with. Its just incredibly stupid to me, but I remember reading about prince charming too, and it was pretty narcissistic love both ways. I guess that many people still believe, even as adults that love is about being consumed by eachother 24/7 all the long years of your life. Frankly it makes me giggle. But dear lord its sad that so many people have these ideas and get hurt figuring out how life with someone else really works.

     

    Good lord, if things ever go south for you two, hit me up, I need a dream wife...

    I'm a young stallion, I'll earn those baked goods!

  • TeknoBugTeknoBug Vancouver, BCMember UncommonPosts: 2,154

    I know a couple that divorced over Everquest years ago, I hear about this stuff all the time- Also IRC chat is a strong influence to divorces as well.

    image
    image

  • TeknoBugTeknoBug Vancouver, BCMember UncommonPosts: 2,154


    Originally posted by Terranah
    I think gaming is the only addiction I ever really had.  I used to play precu SWG way too much
    Me and you both, SWG was the only addiction I ever had, most things I can get into for a week or two then dump it like it's outdated but with SWG I couldn't wait to get back home from work or being out to play it and on weekend (even on a Sat night when I get calls from friends to go to the bar or concert and I turn them down). I think SOE did one right thing by pushing the dumb NGE out to reduce the addiction that many SWG'ers had. I was also so into Battlefield 1942 but not as bad as SWG.

    image
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  • rygar218rygar218 altamonte springs, FLMember UncommonPosts: 332

    Its called a hobby. No different than husbands of old doing yard work, working in thier car, or whatever hobby they do. Increases in divorces have come from modern times in general. Just back then it was morally wrong to divorce your husband. So, sure divorce rates were lower. Just times have changed and women are quicker to act in this era. 

  • ErstokErstok LOL wut, NYMember Posts: 523

    Seriously why not say drugs, spousal abuse, or other crap is a larger contributing factor to failed relationships? Oh yeah because people who do these useless studies are probably smoking crack. I mean come on we have poverty, people who die from diseases everyday, yet some how idiots who marry into a bad relationship to begin with should be covered above the other problems of the world? Please, lets not forgot divorce in general has been on the rise for a while now.

    Don't commit to something less your going to stick to it.

    image
    When did you start playing "old school" MMO's. World Of Warcraft?

  • rik666rik666 anonymouseMember Posts: 69

    Just find the real one before marriage?

  • Big.Daddy.SamediBig.Daddy.Samedi The Crossroads, DeathMember UncommonPosts: 223

    I would just like to add some personal experience to this thread....

    I have been married for 15 years, and I am 33 years old. When my wife and I first got married I was into gaming, and she accepted that. I was able to spread my time between her and the games. However I didn't play that much... as time moved on and we started to have some marital problems, I found I was spending more and more time on MUDs (Text Based MMO's) programming, playing, or building... which made the problems worse. It became a focus of our fights, even though it was not the problem. Once we realised what we were doing we actually took the time to talk, and discovered the problems and actively worked to fix them! Now, 13 or 14 years later, I game when I want... I work... I spend time with my wife and kids. Hell, my wife even became a gamer, both my teenaged sons are gamers. We play games a family.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that while gaming CAN be an addiction, sometimes it is really a sympton of a much larger problem and sitting down and actually communicating is the solution. If my wife and I had simply stayed quiet and not decided to talk at that moment, we could have gone down a very different path. So to be honest I would say most divorces are a result of a lack of communication on one, or both, sides of the marriage. If one member of the relationship is not willing to communicate, then the marriage is already in trouble, communication is the key!

     

    Rules of Marriage I have learned:

    1. Never Go to Bed Angry.

    2. I'm sorry is not a bandaid, if your going to say it prove it & mean it.

    3. Talk - If something bothers you, say something. Quite often you may find you are misunderstanding the situation, or that it is something that can be worked out easily.

    4 Listen - If your "other" has a problem, listen. Do not interupt, paraphrase what they said so that you are sure you are hearing not only what they said, but what they meant. This is important as it builds the road to communication.

    5. Lastly, remember that sometimes an arguement isn't worth it.... If it isn't important sometime a "Yes dear, you are right dear" can save ALOT of headache :)

     

    Wow, this got a lot longer than I expected and I am sure you are tired of reading this by now.

     

    Averros

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